


Coded - Snk / Aot Ereri AU

by LanceCorporalGermaphobe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attack on Titan AU, Detective!Levi, M/M, Slow Build, dancer!eren, eren/levi - Freeform, ereri, riren - Freeform, rivaere - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-03-10 16:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3297506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanceCorporalGermaphobe/pseuds/LanceCorporalGermaphobe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I used to not feel.<br/>That seems so incomplete, but truly, it's the most complete thing I've ever known- I didn't feel much of anything for anyone, not my best friend, not my sister, not even myself. Sure, I cared, but I didn't feel much else than that. Even the idea of love seemed so futile; probably because I'd never felt it. It might've been because I didn't have a mom for too long to teach me what love felt like. It might've been that I had an anxiety disorder that made me introverted. It might've been because the anxiety I felt made me think so much I never knew what silence was; even when I was in my apartment alone, I was never quiet. My mind never permitted me silence.<br/>To be honest, I'd never thought that I'd hear silence. I thought I'd never be able to bask in the emptiness of the absence of sound.<br/>The first time I'd ever felt silence was when I first saw Levi.<br/>He made me feel the buzz in my brain dissipate- he made me feel the things I never thought I'd feel, all the beautiful things that left me breathless and dizzy.<br/>Despite my pitfalls, he made me whole.<br/>I thought what we had was perfect.<br/>I know now that that thought was naïve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If Your Name Was A Curse, I'd Be The King of Vulgar

**Author's Note:**

> Ohkay. Welcome to my fic, my name is some weird pseudonym that I thought sounded cool in my head- but instead, it really, really didn't. Lemme explain some things to ya.  
> In this work, Eren is 19. Levi is 34. I have yet to find an accurate age for the lance corporal- so I figured in the series he'd be 30, so in the fic he's 34. If anyone finds something, just let me know.  
> This is an AU, as indicated by the title. The first chapter will indeed be the slowest- it's told in third person POV, but the rest of the chapters will be Eren's (maybe Levi's later on?) , so please, if this was really slow for you, just check out chapter two, which is coming this way directly after this one.  
> I won't give away too much, but there is a bigger storyline to this than is visible for the first few chapters, and it's gonna be angsty.  
> This isn't my first fic but it's my first on this site so *yikes* please leave me some comments and let me know what I can do to improve. I'm open to criticism.  
> Without further or due, here is my darling first chapter. Have a nice ride, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.  
> Wow, that was so horribly corny, I'm just gonna shut up. ._____. Enjoy!  
> -Mw

There were many things Eren Jager could think while on the dance floor of the most prestigious dance school in all of Germany. He could be thinking about how lucky he was to get there, he could be planning his next choreography, he could even be thinking about actually practicing- but right now, all he could think of was how fucking hot it was. It felt like less like the humid embrace of a sauna, and more like the depths of Satan's firey asshole. The AC had broken in the studio, and even though it was being worked on this minute, the heat was near unbearable. Eren sighed, drinking the rest of his water and crushing the bottle under his fist, getting to his feet. "C'mon, guys. It's not getting any cooler, and I'm not getting younger. Let's run it again," he said loudly. Various groans from his crew arose, but no one protested- they trusted in Eren's judgement, somewhat because he was he was tall, bright-eyed and trustable, or maybe it was because he gave off this aura of determination- hell, when he was frustrated with a move, he'd practice it constantly until he passed out from exhaustion, literally. There's been many trips to the ER because of his overworking of himself. He was the most promising dancer in all of Europe, so he had to work himself and his group to the limit every time, constantly pushing himself to be better. He was unmatched in Ballet, Contemporary, Jazz, Tap, and Modern, but there was one style of dance he was scary good at- Hip hop. That's the only style of dance his crew competed with, but they practiced everything else under the sun, whatever Eren felt like throwing at them. His crew were always so amazed by his ability to pull moves out of even the most obscure sounding songs. Eren's crew consisted of 6 people- Sasha, Connie, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and Marco, all gifted dancers. There was no doubt that under Eren's wing, they'd become even better. Armin was his best friend, Mikasa his sister; the rest were not only his students, but his trusted friends. No one talked about it to his face, but everyone thought he was some sort of prodigy. He could graph moves that no one else had try- he was somewhat inpatient at some things, but there were many more times where he was compassionate and helped whoever needed it. Right now, however, no one wanted to be dancing. Sasha and Connie were laying flat out on the floor, Marco was sitting up and stretching with Jean, Armin was complaining about the group's lack of healthy water intake (Armin, or "Coconut head" to Eren, was the biggest nerd out of anyone he'd ever met), and Mikasa sat against the wall, her lips pursed in thought as she watched Eren walk over to the speaker system, where all the songs were played from. As the crew wearily got to their feet, Eren ran his fingers through his hair. "We're gonna run Monster, alright? I need everyone in position, and try to hurry, because I want this over with just as much as you do," he called, pressing the button on the Mp3 player, the song Monster by Lady Gaga setting to come on in 10 seconds. Eren usually didn't listen to this kind of music, but he had to admit, her beats were infectious and they were begging to be danced to. He jogged into position, in the front/center of his crew's "v-shaped" stance. He and his crew bowed their heads, their legs shoulder width apart, his hands by his sides. There was an eerie silence for a few seconds before the song came on- and as soon as it did, Eren got lost in his own world. The way he danced proved that he felt music in ways no one else ever had. His arms moved with a strength that only came from years of muscle tone. He was almost enveloped in the music- it seemed to carry him weightlessly as he moved across the floor. His trance was infectious, and the rest of the crew became drunk upon it- moving as a singular being, becoming one as the music joined them. "He ate my heart. I love that girl. He ate my heart. Wanna talk to her, she's hot as hell. He ate my heart." There were certain moments during the Chorus that Eren forgot where he was- he was too lost, too willingly intoxicated upon the euphoria of his dance to care. The crew all surrounded Eren during the bridge, preparing for his solo as they slowly came back down to Earth, remembering their place. Eren dared not change the steady rhythm in his breathing as he prepared himself - breaking his flow was not an option. "I wanna just dance, but he took me home instead. Uh oh, There was a monster in my bed. We french kissed on a subway train, He took my clothes right off, He ate my heart, then he ate my brain." Eren moved and spun across the floor, becoming one with himself, his worries disappating. He moved his hands down across his leg, trailing up his chest, tilting his chin up as he wrapping his fingers in his hair as he glided across the floor like a marionnete; beautifully enough to hypnotize. He was sweating bullets, his breathing became ragged with the strain, his hands trembling slightly, but he kept moving with the same grace. I am NOT falling, he repeated to himself. Not yet. Just one more minute. His crew resurrounded him as the bridge ended, throwing themselves into their moves, giving themselves willingly into the clutches of the plauge of the song. They froze in position as the song rang out, not daring to move a muscle until the track went completely silent. As soon as Eren was sure it was over, he dropped to his knees, panting and gasping. "Eren! Damn it, you stupid-" Armin began, kneeling next to him, but Eren shook his head, motioning to Mikasa. "Water.. M-Mi.. Mikasa, can you..?" He stuttered, pointing to the cooler full of water acroos the floor. Nodding, Mikasa ran to the cooler and returned with enoguh water for everyone- it wasn't just Eren who was exhausted. Jean and Marco leaned on each other, Sasha and Connie laying side by side on the floor, whining about the lack of "edible" food in the Studio's cafeteria ("If it's not a potato, it has to be laced with trans fat, grease, spices, or sugars," Eren faintly remembered Sasha saying upon the status of the fridge before practice again. "Preferably all of the above," Connie had chimed in). After tossing waters to everyone in the group, Mikasa leaned down next to Eren, handing him his water. "You need to stop pushing yourself," Mikasa mumbled. As Eren's sister, she felt it was her need to mother him since their mother wasn't around. She had died when they were young, leaving them in foster care for awhile; an experience that neither of them wanted to repeat. They'd come to Germany from New York City when they were only 15; young, brighteyed and hopeful. "I can do what I want," Eren half whined, grabbing at the water bottle, unscrewing the top and sucking the water down his throat so fast he nearly asphyxiated. "Eren, you're gonna end up killing yourself," Mikasa murmured, with a laugh hidden behind her voice that only Eren could pick up. He grinned slightly, punching her in the shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. At least I'll die unfathomably beautiful," he smirked. He sighed, his breathing coming under control. Wiping his brow, he eyed the cleaning scheduele on the wall- this particular room got cleaned by the maitenance crew, but there were certain things they didn't touch that frequently got dirty- particularly speaking, the sweaty foam mats that lined the far right wall. He had one member from his crew after every practice come wipe them down- He participated as equally as everyone else. More often than not, more than one person stayed behind to help with the job, so it was never a big deal on who had to clean. Eren hopped to his feet, cracking his knuckles as he craned his neck to stretch it. "Alright guys, that's enough for today. Jean, you're on clean up today-" Eren began, but was immediately interrupted. "I cleaned up yesterday, Jager," Jean huffed. Out of everyone in the group, the only one who ever gave Eren trouble was Jean the Horse Kirstein. Rolling his eyes, Eren yawned, looking at Jean with a horribly bored look, Armin and Mikasa looking at each other uneasily. There had been plenty of times where Jean and Eren got into arguments, and they usually ended with one or the other throwing something. "Actully, Kirstein, Marco had cleaning yesterday. It's not my fault you decided to help him. Clean it," Eren said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Eren's eyes traveled to the dance mats on the wall. "Also, just a thought.. make sure you clean the, ah, mess, you made on those mats yesterday after you took the liberty of giving Marco the, um.. how should I put it? 'The old in-and-out?'" Sasha and Connie burst into laughter, Mikasa rolled her eyes along with Armin, and even Marco giggled, but Jean didn't find it funny. He turned beet red, staring down at the floor. Eren grinned and walked over to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "I can help-" he said, but Jean shook his head. "Mikasa's right, you nearly offed yourself today. Go home, I got it," Jean retorted. Eren began to say he was fine, but Mikasa thanked Jean, grabbing ahold of Eren's arm and dragging him to the door, mumbling about how all boys were 'insufferably stupid.' Armin laughed slightly, but followed the two, waving to everyone on the way out. "H-Hey! Practice on Thursday! The AC'll be fixed by then- Mikasa, I can walk-" Eren called as he was ushered outside. The heat was relentless out here, too, but at least it didn't smell of sweat. Mikasa only released Eren's arm once they were far into the parking lot. "Eren, you know you can't keep doing stuff like this, you're gonna get sick," His sister chastised, looking up at him with a stare that made Eren feel small. Eren hated feeling small. He began to speak, but Armin jogged out next to them, shaking his head. "What are you gonna do now that me and Mikasa are going to be away for the next month? We're not gonna be here to save you if you get into trouble," The shorter blonde sighed. Eren flinched. He'd known Armin and Mikasa were going to Holland for some sort of class, something about limb extension, but the knowledge didn't make their depature any easier. He kenw his friends would benefit, but he didn't want to think about not seeing them. They were the only real company he had that lived close to the studio. The rest of his group lived about an hour away, unlike Eren, who lived in the upscale apartment building less than 6 blocks away. Sighing, he looked up at his two friends, their eyes staring intently into his. "I can handle myself," he said, trying to sound as confident as possible. "What time is your flight tomorrow?" Eren asked, hoping it would be later on, so he could relish the time with them. Mikasa bit her lip and looked away, as Armin sighed and looked at Eren apologetically. "What're you looking at me like that for?" Eren asked dejectedly. "Well.. our flight moved to today, Eren.. it's in a few hours, so we'll be heading off as soon as we leave here.." Armin murmured, developing a sudden interest in his shoes. Eren felt rage bubbling up inside him, but he quickly supressed it, looking down as well. He couldn't be mad, could he? His friends had this great opportunity- he couldn't be selfish enough to get angry at them for taking it. "Well.. I hope you guys have a good flight. I should be getting home.." Eren felt himself clutch Armin a little tigher as he hugged onto him fiercely. He grabbed Mikasa and hugged her tightly as well. "Be safe.. If you really need me, I'll come home.. I promise I-" MIkasa started, but Eren stopped her with another hug. "I'll be fine," He promised. "I'll see you guys. Have fun, be safe, remember to stretch.." Eren murmured. After another hug all around, He watched his friends get into their separate cars and drive off. He tried not to feel displaced as their vehicles pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared into the distance, leaving Eren standing alone. Sighing loudly, he turned away from the studio, starting to walk home. His apartment was ridiculously close the studio, so he didn't have to walk far. He shoved his hands into his pockets, looking up around him. His mood was usually always brought up when he saw the amazing German scenery- ivy hung from every gate, the streets were swept clean, even the trees were unlike any he'd ever seen from where he was from in New York City. He was so used to the cramped, closed in feel of Manhattan, that when he finally arrived here 4 years ago, he didn't know what to think of it. He came to Germany when he was 15, on a large dance scholarship, as did his sister. He finished his school, and was able to start dancing right after. It was a 19 year old's dream. He made so much money, he didn't really know what to do with it- he donated most of it, keeping only what he needed for the apartment and food. It was nice to be free, Eren had to admit, but he still wasn't used to living alone- he usually spent every day with Armin and Mikasa. Now that they were gone for the next month, he had no idea what to do with himself. Eren approached the busy intersection right across from his Apartment building, barely noticing. He started to cross the street, without noticing that he hadn't pressed the stoplight button, meaning he'd be crossing into traffic. He was too lost in his thoughts, all of them miserable, the jeers of his anxiety making him feel even smaller than Mikasa had. He had walked halfway into the intersection- a car barrelling towards him, when- "Oi!" A voice shouted from behind, grabbing onto his damp, sweat slicked tank top and yanking him back onto the sidewalk. Eren stumbled, turning around to see who'd grabbed him. It was a somewhat shorter guy, wearing a black suit jacket, a white buttoned shirt with the top button undone, dark pants and a pair of black, unscuffed shoes. He had a raven black wave of undercut hair and dark, indigo colored eyes, his eyebrows furrowing at Eren. "What the hell do you think you're doing, walking out into traffic? I don't have time to be saving suicidal brats," he snapped. His voice was smooth, almost trance-like; Eren felt like he could drown in his eyes, so dark, so deep.. and.. quiet. Eren felt quiet. His heart began to speed up as his thoughts drowned into silence. He could actually hear his heartbeat, and his nervous thoughts were completely mute as he stared into the man's face, not even noticing that he was gazing at a stranger like a teenage girl looked at pop stars. "Uh. Hello?" The man asked, waving his hand in front of Eren's face. Eren slowly came back to reality. "O-Oh.. I'm not suicidal, sir.. I just didn't.. I guess I was stressed," Eren confessed. "Thank you for saving me, mister.. uh.." he mumbled, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. He'd never felt so flabbergasted by another person, let alone a guy.. 'I'm fucking losing it,' he thought nervously, looking down at the ground, not meeting his eyes. "Levi," the man said thoughtfully, looking up at Eren. "Detective Levi Ackerman. You are..?" Levi inquired. "Eren Jager," Eren said breathlessly. "Wait.. detective? Do you work for the police force?" he asked. "No, brat. I work in the President's garden, interrogating the tomatoes." Levi replied drolly. Eren's cheeks blushed even deeper; and if there was a way to look further downward than the ground, he would've. "Sorry.. I just.. sorry," he murmured. "Don't worry about it. Do you always wear such ragged clothes?" Levi added boredly, gesturing to Eren's black, baggy, tattered khaki's, the thin gray tank top, and the creased, well worn leather of his sneakers. His eyes traveled across Eren's body, making the taller man feel somewhat on display, but he didn't entirely mind. His toned abs could be seen imprinted through his tank top, and Levi took notice, raising an eyebrow. Eren didn't get time to appreciate the foreign gaze, however- Levi's eyes had alreday left that spot, looking condescendingly at Eren's hands. "You also need some new gloves.." Levi murmured, looking at Eren's tattered fingerless gloves, with multiple small tears on either mitt from long wear. "O-Oh.. Uh, no, I don't always dress this way. I'm a dancer, at Kyojin Studios," he stammered. Levi rolled his eyes. "Lots of kids come here to dance. I've lived here for the past 7 years, and I can't tell you how many dancer's I've seen," he said. Eren felt annoyance build in his chest. 'He doesn't know shit. I've got more skill than any of those dancers. He doesn't know anything,' he thought angrily. Levi took notice of his none-too-happy expression and sighed. "That wasn't the best impression I could've made, was it?" he murmured, looking up at Eren with a smirk, which made Eren's heart jump again. "Here," The shorter man said, reaching his hand out, as if to shake it. Eren clasped his hand, almost jumping at the temperature of them- they were ice cold. "I use a lot of hand sanitizer. They get cold from it," Levi added, noting Eren's surprised expression. "I'll try not to be so quick to judge again, however easy you make it. Can you get home alright?" Levi continued. "Uh.. yeah, I live in the aparment building across the street," Eren stammered. Levi raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" he murmured, looking into Eren's turquoise eyes with a questioning glare. "I do as well," He continued. 'He's been my neighbor and I haven't even noticed..' Eren thought. "W-Would you like to come for tea? Or.. food? Anything, really, I should repay you," The taller one asked awkwardly. He didn't really care about repaying him, he only wanted to be with Levi some more.. he intrigued him, and the quiet he felt with him was so unmatched that it left him desperate for the feeling again. The shorter man offered a short smile, before looking down and becoming serious once again. "I really shouldn't.." he began. "However, since we live in the same building, it couldn't be too bad to meet a neighbor, could it?" The shorter man added soon after. Eren felt his spirits lift slightly, as he nodded excitedly. "Oh! Great.. uh, d'you wanna come by around 6? I'll put some food together.. I mean, uh i-if that's not weird-" Eren stammered. He felt some sort of abnormal, fluffy nervousness build in his stomach, which was off-putting for him. He usually didn't feel anything like this for anyone.. he couldn't place his finger on the feeling, however. He felt sort of giddy.. 'I need to get a hold of myself,' Eren thought exasperatedly. Levi nodded, looking up at him with a look on his face that almost looked like a smile, making Eren blush slightly. "It's a date. Should I wear a dress?" He asked, with the straightest face Eren had ever seen on someone who said such a lewd statement. "U-Uh.." Eren began, not understanding the joke. "I guess, I mean.. whatever floats your boat-wait, did you call this a d-date?" he continued. Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Tch, are you always this socially inept? I was kidding, brat. Now, I have to get back to work," Levi sighed. He reached inside his leather briefcase, pulling a dark blue business card out of a pocket and tossing it at Eren, rolling his eyes as he fumbled trying to catch it. "My mobile's on there. I'll see you at 6. I don't eat anything that swims," Levi said, turning around to walk towards the direction of the studio. "W-Wait! You don't even know my apartment number!" Eren called after him. Turning his head to look over his shoulder, Levi raised an eyebrow. "You live in apartment Q84, on the 17th floor," he said, the same almost-smile playing on his lips. "H-How did you..?" Eren asked, his jaw dropping. "I live nextdoor. I saw you move in a few years back. Have a good day, Mr. Jager," he replied, walking swiftly down the sidewalk without another word, leaving Eren to wonder how Levi seemed to know so much, while Eren knew so little. "Do.. do I have a date?" Eren asked outloud, to no one but himself. "I have a date," he said numbly, staring down at the business card. The impact of his words suddenly slammed into him like a freight train- dissolving him in giggles as he ran back to his apartment; making sure he'd looked both ways this time.


	2. You Made Me Feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWOWOWOWOWOW OKAY.  
> 4 kudos guys.  
> **4**  
> DEAR GOD FOUR OF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THAT.  
> Honestly I really thought I'd get 0, so 4 in one night is amazing, thank you all so much for this.  
> This chapter is gonna be HELLA long. I don't know how many characters, since I'm not using an application with a word count, but there's gonna be some fluff.   
> Secondly, this chapter may describe Mikasa in a way you didn't perceive her; and it says she has a boyfriend, who is at this point unknown. I may have described her to look way less composed than she is in the Manga/Anime, so just to clarify; I don't think of her this way, she's a great character, but I had to have it happen this way for this chapter.  
> Okay, fasten your seatbelt guys; round two.

The clock read 5:32.

It was safe to say I was freaking out.

I knew I'd had to call my sister to tell her, because if she found out when she hot home, she'd absolutely kill me.

The conversation went somewhat like this-

"Eren, are you alright? You promised you'd call earlier, I've left voicemails," Mikasa said worriedly.

"Relax, Mikasa. I'm fine. How's the classes going?" I asked, twirling my fingers around the phone cord, mentally preparing myself for letting her know about Levi.

"Great, actually. They're really challenging, but they're helpful. What's up?" She asked.

"Uh.. nothing- well, actually.. I've, uh.. gotten a.." I mumbled quietly under my breath.

"What? I can't hear you," she said. "Is something wrong?"  
"No, nothing's wrong.. Mikasa, I've gotten a date-" I began.

It was around there that the shitstorm began.

"YOU'VE GOTTEN A WHAT? NO, NOT WITHOUT ME THERE YOU HAVEN'T. I SWEAR IF SHE TOUCHES YOU I'LL WRING HER THROAT. REMEMBER TO KEEP PEPPER SPRAY IN YOUR SHIRT. DON'T LET HER FOOL YOU INTO THE BEDROOM. SHE PROBABLY HAS AT LEAST 5 FORMS OF STD'S, EREN. I'M TELLING YOU- ARMIN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, EREN HASN'T HAD A DATE EVER BEFORE, I NEED TO GO HOME. I NEED TO SUPERVISE-" I'd never heard her so nervous before. I'd also never heard Armin laugh so hard in the background. That didn't matter, though- I'll get him back somehow. Burn his calculus textbooks or something. He's already finished that course in his University, but he keeps them- get this- for _fun._ I swear he's got his ideas of "fun" and "mental torture" mixed around.

"Mikasa, first of all- it's not a she. Secondly, I'll be fine. Don't come home, stay with your class and relax. I'll call you later, alright?"

"Promise you'll be alright?" She added uneasily. I knew she'd be nervous, but that was alright; she got nervous about everything.

"Promise. Enjoy your classes, alright? I have to go, bye," I murmured, feeling like a child again.

"Yeah, yeah. Stay safe. Remember, if this mystery date hurts you, I'll wring his-"

I'd hung up before she even had a chance to repeat herself- she would've torn my ears off with her yelling if I hadn't.

As soon as I got off the phone, I began cleaning my messy apartment- see, there wasn't dirt anywhere, I just wasn't organized- my dance bags were all across the couch and carpet across the kitchen, and most of my books were strewn across the counter.

I swept the already clean floors, vaccumed the white carpet where my dance bags were, hell, I'd even cleaned the windows. After 2 long hours, there wasn't a sign of mess anywhere, and I was very happy about that- however, I vowed to never clean again unless necessary to my survival.

See, the problem with having a clean apartment, however, is not having clean pets.

Enter Titus, my idiot dog. Titus is a 2 year old great dane- he's gentle, but he's not used to his height or legs yet, so he tends to bang into things and fall. Don't let that fool you, he's smart in most things- following commands and doing tricks. He can roll over and fetch and play dead like it's nobody's business.

He just doesn't know how to be neat. That includes drinking water without getting it fucking EVERYWHERE.

The bowl had tipped over, sending the water all over my beautiful kitchen floor. I had herded Titus into his crate, where he now layed, while I cleaned the floor. I had already cooked the meal, thank God- pasta with chopped chicken and red peppers. It just needed to be reheated slightly once Levi got here. The only thing I had left to do was shower and get dressed. Couldn't be too hard, could it?

Oh, Yes it can.

Once the floor was cleaned, I stood up and eyed Titus, who sat in his cage like a puppy- giving me an angel eyed expression. I could practically see the halo around his head. "Nice try, bud. You can get out after my shower. If you even think about trying opening the door like you did last time, I'll throw out your tennis balls." He looked up at me innocently- I swear he can understand what I say. Doesn't make him less of an idiot. He opened his cage once, getting into the box where his treats are and making a huge mess. Messes seem to be Titus' specialty.

I now have to put zip ties on the cage door.

Titus still stared at me with a baby face. Anyone else's heart would've melted by it- I knew him all too well for that. "You're revolting," I told him, walking away, finally peeling the sweaty tank top off of my skin on the way to the bathroom. I hadn't even changed since I'd gotten home. I was too giddy for that. "I don't have a life," I muttered, realizing how much of dumbass I had be for freaking out over a date with someone I barely knew.

 _'Titus isn't the only idiot here,'_ I thought, resignedly.

I reached the bathroom, taking off my pants and socks and folding them. I dropped them on the counter and turned on the shower. The glass doors of the shower started to fog up as I turned the water on the hottest it would go. I stepped inside, letting the water scald me as I closed the door. I loved hot showers- I didn't really know why. Kind of made the anxious buzzing in my head quiet down. The thoughts were never gone; they were always there, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud. They were practically screaming while I was cleaning the house- but now they were soft as I scrubbed my hair and body as quick as I could. I didn't waste time as I rinsed and turned off the shower. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I tousled my hair and combed it through as well as I could. It was eternally messy- I tried everything from gel to hairspray, it just doesn't stay neat. "Hopefuly Levi doesn't mind that," I mumbled, giving my hair a last ditch effort. I checked my watch-

5:58.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I yelled, grabbing my clothes and tossing them in the hamper, running to my room- I threw off the towel and pulled on a pair of light blue jeans over a pair of Superman boxers. They were skinny jeans- the only pair I owned. I searched for the shirt I had laid out earlier. I remember specifically ironing it and putting it on my bed- it wasn't there.

I stood dumbfounded for a moment, wondering if goblins had come from the pits of hell to steal my shirt, before seeing a small piece of torn white fabric on the floor, realizing exactly where my shirt had gone.

Only one idiot was in my room when I came home.

Only one idiot would possibly think chewing an ironed shirt would really be a good idea.

There's only one idiot on this entire earth who enjoys chewing on shirts.

Most dogs like shoes. Most dogs like bones. Most dogs don't chew on shirts.

Titus isn't most dogs.

"TITUS!" I screamed, running out of my room, starting down the hallway-

See, this is one of those times, where I offer advice to those who'd like it-

Don't run barefoot after a shower, because you'll fall.

I lost my footing, slamming my shoulder into the wall, directly into a picture frame of my mother. The glass shattered as I fell, some of the pieces embedding into my shoulder. "God fucking-" I growled, reaching around to touch my shoulder and wincing, gagging as I saw the blood on my hand. I stumbled to my feet, feeling my heart sink. I couldn't clean this in time for Levi to come over. I ruined it, I ruined it, he'll never want to eat here again, God I'm a failure- The voices set in upon my head, peppering me with their plague of hateful thoughts. I turned around, to see the one picture of my mother now covered in shattered glass, blood specks on the frame. "Damnit!" I cursed, feeling the familiar burning of tears in my eyes as I gingerly grabbed the photo away from the broken mess, dusting it off on my jeans and stepping around the glass, placing it on my bed. I was on the verge of crying- seeing my mother's picture broken, not being able to have a clean house, ruining the date- my anxiety had a field day on making sure I hated myself for this more than I hated anything else.

A rapid knock on the door rang throughout my apartment. "Eren? Eren, are you alright?" I heard an urgent voice saying through the door.

Levi.

"U-Uh.. Yeah! Don't worry, just.. g-gimme a minute, I dropped a glass," I laughed nervously.

"You're not bullshitting anyone. I heard you fall. Let me in."  
"One moment! I'm fine, really!"

"You give me no choice," I heard Levi shout warningly. "If you don't open the door, I'll open it for you."

"Oh, dear lord, don't break my door. I'm coming!" I shouted tiredly.  
Stepping gingerly over the glass, I padded into the kitchen, eyeing Titus, who looked at me with a bored expression. "Fuck you," I mouthed at him, turning the lock and opening the door, my heart jumping in my chest.

Levi wore a deep red button down, the top button undone, and the sleeves rolled, along with a pair of light gray pants. His suit jacket was thrown over his shoulder, and he held a gift bag in his other hand. He looked.. well, I'll just say it- he looked amazing. His eyes were filled with horror, pushing me inside and making me sit on a stool in front of the counter. He kicked off his shoes before staring at me. "You are such a clumsy brat. First, you nearly walk into traffic, now this? Are you accident prone?" He chastised. He dropped the bag he held onto the floor, reaching out to touch my shoulder. "Ow. No, I'm not accident prone, you're bad luck," I retorted. Levi eyed me with a glare that looked like amusement. "A little less tongue tied than earlier, I see. You're quite disrespectful towards the guy who saved your life earlier," he muttered, grabbing some paper towels off the counter and gently cleaning around my wound. "I cooked you dinner. I cleaned the entire apartment twice. I tried to make this perfect so I could thank you. Now there's glass all over the floor, I'm bleeding, I'm such a-" I rambled miserabley. Levi looked up at me, his eyebrow raised. "You did all that.. for me?" He asked, looking at me as if to call my bluff. "Well, yeah, I guess," I muttered, a blush rising to my cheeks. Levi chuckled, looking back at my shoulder. "You're stupid, you know that?" he laughed. "You didn't need to do all this.. where do you keep your tweezers? I've gotta get that glass out," Levi sighed. "Uh.. in the bathroom, second drawer. Watch your step, there's glass," I answered. "Yeah, I figured that much, Sherlock. Is your gauze in there too?" He said mordantly. "I don't know, Watson, can you deduce that yourself?" I retorted. "Tch. I'll find it." Levi shook his head and walked into the bathroom. He reemerged soon later, carrying tweezers, peroxide and gauze. "How deep are the wounds?" I whined. "Not too bad. You won't need stitches. You'll be back to normal in a few weeks," Levi murmured. "I can't rest 'a few weeks.' I need this shoulder," I grumbled. Levi raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you need to jerk off that badly? I'm sure you could find a girl willing to help you out with that, Eren," he murmured, opening the bottle of peroxide and dabbing a wad of gauze with the liquid. "First of all, it's not for jerking off. I'm a dancer," I said, annoyed. "Secondly.. I, uh.. well, I'm not really into girls," I muttered under my breath. "What was that?" Levi asked, looking at me blankly. "Uh, I said.." the words trailing off my tongue. "I'm not into girls," I confessed, louder. Levi raised his eyebrow again and laughed, shaking his head at me. "Well, ain't I lucky," he chuckled. I blushed, about to question him, as he dabbed the peroxide around the wounds. "Fuck," I winced, tensing as the liquid stung my shoulder. "Relax, it'll be over soon," he said quietly, using more of the peroxide around my shoulder. I cursed under my breath again and shut my eyes tightly, grinding my teeth.

I'm really not a whiner when it comes to pain. I can deal with torn ligaments from over stretching. I can deal with strains and sprains, rug burn, complete exhaustion- but this really killed. I was tense like you wouldn't believe, biting my lip and looking away as he cleaned my shoulder.

"Almost done," Levi muttered. He dabbed around some more, and without thinking, I grabbed his free hand, squeezing it a little. I could feel Levi's eyes on me, but I had my face scrunced up, my eyes shut tight. I hadn't even realized I grabbed it until Levi had stopped cleaning my shoulder, and my eyes fluttered back open. He had that stupid half smirk on as he looked down at our hands, then back up at me. I followed his gaze, my eyes doubling in size as I released his fingers, my face lighting up. "S-Sorry," I murmured. "Don't worry about it," Levi muttered, looking equally as flustered as me, without the blush. "I'm just gonna say in advance, the glass isn't in there too deep, but it won't feel too good on the way out, and I'm gonna have to clean it again when it's out. So, uh, try not to be a little bitch," he chuckled, as I groaned.

"Ready?" he asked, tweezers in hand.

"You're repulsive," I snapped.

"Yep, you're ready," he replied.

~~~~~

"See? Wasn't so bad," Levi murmured, finishing wrapping my shoulder with the gauze and taping it down.

"Says you. Why don't you get glass in your shoulder, then I'll dig it out like I'm a blind man with two fingers searching for his sight," I hissed.

"You're welcome," Levi chuckled. He glanced down at his hands, which had my blood on their fingers. "Ugh. Disgusting. You'd better not have AIDS," he grumbled, walking to the sink and scrubbing away at his fingers. "Yeah, sorry, I'm loaded with AIDS. I've got so much AIDS, I make the relief effort in Haiti look like a lemonade stand," I said, getting to my feet. Levi stared at me like I had about 5 heads. He stared for a solid 30 seconds, me staring back at him with a grin. "That was the absolute worst joke I've ever heard. Probably the worst I'll ever hear for the rest of my life," he said, still staring, with a stone cold expression.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" I asked, a smile playing on my lips.

"To choke the shit out of you for trying to outdo that last joke. Where's your broom? I'm gonna sweep the hallway," he sighed.

"Actually, he crossed the road to get to the idiot's house. Knock Knock?" I asked again.

"We're in your fucking apartment. Give me your broom."  
"Yes, but he knocked at your door first, and you weren't there."  
"He's lucky I wasn't."  
"Why's that? You aren't scary."  
"WHERE IS THE BROOM, JAGER."

"Sheesh," I laughed, tossing him the broom out of the closet. "I'm heating dinner."

"I bet it's just as 'repulsive' as I am," he shouted, sweeping the broken glass in the hall into a trash can.

"Don't knock till you try it!" I called back to him, placing the food into an oil slicked frying pan and flipping the food around, making sure it heated evenly.   
"Whatever, brat." He chuckled, coming back into the kitchen and placing the broom back into the closet.

"Do you, uh, want a shirt?" Levi inquired, looking at my bare chest. I immediately seized up, closing my eyes tightly. "I'm still shirtless." I murmured.

"You were shirtless when I got here." Levi laughed.

I cringed, a blush springing to my cheeks. "S-Sorry, I'll get a shirt as soon as I'm done-" I stammered.

"You don't have to," Levi murmured, glancing at me through the corner of his eye, his main focus on his cell phone. "I personally like the view."

"U-Uh.. oh, w-well, uh, um, thank you, I'll stay this way then," I laughed nervously.

"For fuck's sake, you're easily nervous," he murmured, looking at me full on now, a curious glance in his eye.

"Well, yeah, perks of having anxiety, I-I guess," I sighed, glancing down at my shoes, still flipping the dinner around in the pan.

"I could tell that you were anxious. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable with my comments. Hard to resist commenting on something like you," he smirked, looking up at me as my face flushed even deeper. I hadn't noticed that every time he kept eye contact with me, the buzz in my head disappeared. I really liked that feeling, so I tried to hold onto it, letting the calm wash over me like a wave. "You're not making me uncomfortable.. you're helping me, really," I sighed, looking up at his surprised expression.

"I'm helping you? Huh, that's surprising," he chuckled, looking down at the floor, then back up at me. "I'm glad," he added, with a smaller, more affectionate smirk on his face.

I smiled softly, trying my hardest not to look like a fool, as I heard a loud, impatient whine from a certain caged idiot.

"What was that?" Levi asked, looking around.

"Oh, wait, I've got something you want to see," I sighed, turning off the burner for the stove and walking over to Titus' cage.

"Is it a bondage dungeon?" Levi asked, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Uh, no. It's less exciting, much less sexually appealing, and it's a lot more stupid."

I heard Levi laugh as I knelt down in front of Titus' cage. Levi was staring at the ceiling as Titus looked up at me with that same innocent expression.   
"Do you want to come out, Tye?" I asked boredly.

Titus tried to get to his feet, but he smacked his head on the top of the cage instead, whimpering.   
"You are such an idiot," I laughed, unlatching the cage and breaking the zip tie. "C'mon out-" I began. My idiot dog shot out of the cage and barreled directly for Levi, who was leaning against the counter, looking deep in thought. "Levi, watch out, he's really heavy," I called. Levi looked out of the corner of his eyes and sidestepped out of the way as Titus scrambled past him, slamming into the coffee table, falling flat on his side.

Levi's eyes opened wide as he knelt down, making a clicking sound with his teeth. "Oh, shit.. do you think he's alright?" He mumbled quietly, Titus lumbering to sit in front of him, Levi scratching the fur behind his ears. "Oh, Titus?" I asked, not paying attention as I began to clean the stove. "He's fine. He's just a class A idiot," I added. "He's beautiful. How old?" Levi asked, smoothing the fur over his neck as Titus sniffed at Levi intently. "He's two. You want to eat?" I asked, walking back over to the stove and placing the meal I'd made onto two separate plates, carrying them to the counter. Levi got up and hopped onto the stool in front of the counter, his feet dangling a few inches from the ground, Titus sitting under his stool. "How tall are you, exactly? I asked, placing one plate in front of him, the other across the counter, where I'd sit. "What's it to you?" he asked, his eyebrow raising again. "Just wondering.. you seem a little vertically challenged," I said nonchalantly, eyeing his expression as I got two forks out of the drawer and handed one to him. "Do you want a drink?" I asked. "Depends. Do you have tea?" He replied. "Uh, I have iced tea," I asked, wondering why the fuck he'd want hot tea with pasta. "Can you put it in a tea cup?" he inquired. "Whatever floats your boat, shortie," I laughed, grabbing a tea cup and pouring iced tea into it. I grabbed a can of Mountain Dew from the fridge and sat back down, sliding his cup across the counter.

"Thanks," Levi sighed, picking up his cup by the rim and drinking from it. I decided to not ask him why he held it like that- There were some things I was probably better off not questioning. He picked up his fork & twirled the pasta with his finger. "What's in it?" Levi asked, eyeing the food suspiciously, as if it was going to reanimate and bite him in the finger. "Uh, well, there's pasta.. sliced chicken, red pepper.. that's really it," I answered, picking up my fork and taking a bite. Levi shrugged and blew on his forkful to cool it. "It couldn't be that bad," He decided, taking his first bite. His eyes widened as he chewed. "Did I.. is it bad? I'm sorry, do you want something else?" I said sheepishly. He looked at me when he was done chewing with a shocked glare. "I've never had food like that.." he murmured. "Do you not like it? Here, let me-" I sighed, reaching for his plate as he snatched it out of my grasp. "Touch it and I'll kill you, it's delicious," he said, taking another bite. I smiled brightly, a hint of a blush raising to my cheeks. "Thank you.. I'm not that great, but I tried," I said, ignoring the death threat. "Oh, piss off, you know you are," Levi said, concentrating on eating.

I just shook my head, trying to eat and hide the smile that played on my face.

We sat in silence for a bit, but it wasn't uncomfortable. He periodically looked up at me, and I'd always catch him looking- we'd keep the eye contact for a few seconds before going back to staring at the food. At first, that was uncomfortable, but then I figured I'd make fun out of it.

I stared at him, making a face, my nose scrunched up and my tongue out. Once he looked up to see me, I slowly crossed my eyes, making him groan. "Such a brat," He'd murmur.

I laughed and went back to what I was doing. Looking back up, I saw Levi's eyes were staring at me intently. I chuckled, returning his glance, when his left eye looked to the left, and the right to the right.

I screamed like a fucking child.   
"LEVI WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I screeched, covering my face so I didn't have to look up. He laughed, fixing his glance once I looked back at him. "I've always been able to do that.. kinda like this," he said, bending his thumb all the way back to touch his wrist. _Cringe._ "Oh yeah? well.. I can do this?" I laughed nervously, standing up and grabbing a hold of my ankle with both hands, twisting into a full Needle; my legs now a vertical line. I had my eyes closed as I first bent into it, but when I opened them, Levi was staring at me in horror. "Do you even have a scrotum? Is it fucking split entirely?" he asked, sending me into a fit of laughter as I released my hold and sat back down. "I definitely have a scrotum. It is not split entirely, however I can't imagine how comfortable that would be," I replied.

"You're entirely sick in the mind," Levi said assuredly.

"Says the one with the horrid hairstyle," I retorted.

"I tend to like my undercut. At least I don't look like some wanna be scene kid who crawled out of the pits of 2008 MySpace."

"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Levi laughed, looking into my eyes as I stared back into his. We kept the glance for awhile; his eyes intently fixated upon mine, the murmur in my head completely silent. I didn't notice the distance closing between us. I didn't notice how I'd leaned forward across the counter, and I didn't pay mind to his hand that reached out to touch my face.

Once his fingertips brushed along my cheek, I blushed a little, looking down at the now empty plate of food beneath me. He tilted my chin up, and I found myself losing myself in his eyes, which I thought was fucking cliche, but I couldn't stop my descent, free falling into his gaze. I really didn't pay mind to the fact that our lips were now just centimeters apart, my bottom lip quivering, almost aching for his touch. His eyes fluttered shut, but I kept mine open, just to see his face. We were nearly there now, and oh, how I craved it- I wanted nothing more than to be a slave to his embrace, to feel his touch just a little longer- my fingers wrapped in the strands of his hair, my eyes only half closed- I still wanted to see him. I always wanted to see him, I never wanted to close my eyes, and dear God, we were almost kissing-

beep.

"What was that?" I murmured, not daring to move, my eyes now open wide.

"My phone," Levi sighed, pulling away from me to look at the screen. I blushed, staaring down at the empty plates. "I'm sorry, it's beyond rude, but this is my work phone. If I don't answer, I'll get grilled by Commander Stickuptheass," he muttered, quickly typing out a reply to whomever Commander Whatchacallit was. I blushed as he looked back up at me, clicking his phone off. "Sorry. We're working on a case right now.. it's completely ridiculous, but it's important. Good news though.." Levi murmured, leaning forward on his elbows. "Oh? What's that?" I asked, leaning foreward just a little. "I have the next week off. Some federal detective is taking my place.. they say permanently, but it won't last long," he said thoughtfully. "Like.. taking your job?" I asked, wondering why he wasn't more visibly upset. "No, just the case. The thing is, no one knows it like I do. No one could do this job but me," he yawned. "Why? If he's a federal detective shouldn't he be above you?" I asked dumbly, not realizing how rude my words were till they'd flown off my tongue. "Sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean-"

"No, you're right, Eren. He should be above me, but he isn't. I haven't found someone who tops me in what I do, and that's unfortunate. There's no competition." He said. "Oh.. well isn't that good?" I asked again. "Not if you're bored. You say you dance?" Levi asked. "Yeah, I dance at Studio Kyojin.. I said that earlier, didn't I?" I replied. "Yeah, but I must not've heard the studio part.. that's for the elite dancers, right? Sorry, I'm not much into the whole dancing thing," he asked, looking at me intently. "Yeah, I guess. I'm the head of the competition group," I confessed. Levi raised an eyebrow. "Really? Impressive," he said thoughtfully. "Do you have a raised eyebrow fetish? Because you've cocked that left brow into the air about 30 times since you've been here," I teased. Levi looked at me again, raising his right eyebrow this time. "Does it bother you that I make attractive facial expressions that you could never match? It must, because you've been whining, you brat," He said evenly. "Piss off, Ackerman," I yawned. _'I've only known him for a day, and I feel so close to him..'_ I thought, almost giddily. "How old are you?" I asked abruptly- I found it odd I hadn't asked before. _'I feel close to him, but I don't know his age,'_ I thought drolly, wondering how I could possibly be so naive.

Levi looked at me with a smirk. "How old do I look?" He asked.

"Uh.. 24."  
"Why 24?"  
"I don't know, you can't be much older than that, can you?"  
"Oh, yes I can. Guess again."  
"..29?"  
"Little more."

"Dear god, you're fucking elderly," I said, feigning disgust.

"Thanks. I'm 35," he murmured.

"Oh, cool. It's a good thing I'm legal," I laughed.

"Really? You seem like you're 16, I'm surprised."

"..IF I SEEM LIKE I'M 16, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CALL THIS A DATE, YOU PEDOPHILE?"

"I said you seem 16. You don't look 16. I'm not a pedophile. However, I might be a cougar," he smirked.

"Oh, great. That reassures me," I mocked. "It's not like it matters, I'm about 8 inches taller than you."  
"Oh, so if my penis was attached to my forehead, I'd be your height," he replied.

I stared at him in silence, first shocked at his open acknowledgement of his penis size, trying to bite back laughter. Soon, the visualization began- it started off awkwardly sexual, bu then it became funny- the more I pictured Levi with a penis on his forehed, the funnier it got-

 _'Dear god, when it's soft it'll droop in his face like Squidward,'_ my thoughts screamed.

"You're the definition of gutter-minded," I wheezed, laughing so hard, tears were in my eyes.

"I'm not the one imagining it," he said simply.

Levi looked at me while I giggled, his eyebrow raised.

"You're not from Germany, are you?" he asked.

"Uh, no," I replied. "I'm American. I've been here for the past 5 years, with my sister, Mikasa.. but she's not here right now," I mumbled, thinking about the fun her and Armin must've been having.

"Oh, she lives with you? I'll have to remember not to come over naked," Levi murmured.

I felt a blush surge to my cheeks. "No, she doesn't live with me. She lives in a different aparment with her boyfriend.. however, I prefer you'd give me some warning if you show up naked."

"Why? Does my attractiveness bother you? I know, I'm so unmatched," he replied cooly.

"You're such a narcisist," I retorted.

"Great sleuthing, Eren! Wow, how long did it take you to figure that out?" he said, feigning like he was impressed.

"You're more of an idiot than my dog," I replied, giggling again.

"You've got the brain of a goldfish," he said with a smirk.

I laughed for a while more, thinking about how such a serious man could have the humor and imaginiation of hormonal, middle school-aged boy.

"Oh, shit, I forgot," he muttered, walking back to the counter and grabbing the gift bag I saw him walk in with. "I would've given it to you earlier, but you were bleeding. I had bigger things to worry about," he sighed, handing me the silver bag with tissue paper in it.

I looked at him, shocked as he held the bag out to me. "This is for me?" I asked.   
"No, it's for the building manager. Of course it's for you, brat. Why else would I give it to you?" He asked, a smirk growing on his face.

I took the bag out of his hands, staring at the silvery vinyl paper it was made of, not noticing that Levi was staring.

"Why?" I asked numbly.

"Well, it's a date. I would've gotten you flowers or something, but I figured you'd get more use out of these. Open it," he said.

"I haven't gotten a gift in years, Levi," I said.

"Well, you have one now. Open it, brat."

I slowly opened the bag to see a pair of knit black fingerless gloves, with overlapping rows of studs over the knuckles.   
"Your other ones were ripped," he explained, looking somewhat amused by my shocked expression.

"These.. I like these.." I murmured, slipping them on my hands. They were warm, and they didn't constrict the movements of my fingers. "Thank you! Thank you, Levi!" I smiled, feeling like a child as I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging his smaller frame. He tensed for a second, before wrapping his arms around my neck loosely and hugging me back. "You're welcome, brat." He murmured, his face pressed into my bare chest.

"I'll wear them when I dance, you'll see them in videos, I promise!" I said, holding him close to me.

"I'm glad you like them," he mumbled softly, his face still against my chest.

I wasn't thinking about how much this small bit of contact with him would affect me- feeling his heart beat slow but steadily against my stomach made mine speed up- feeling his fingers resting around my shoulders made me feel warm, even though his hands were cold. My hands felt at home on his waist- which made me feel so calm, so relaxed. The buzzing was gone; completely disappatied. My heart skipped beats as he looked up at me, his eyes giving me that same pull, making me want to drown in them- making me want to feel this way forever. I was feeling, and I wasn't the kind of person to feel, I had to show him that I felt with him, that my heart didn't beat this way for just anyone. I had to show him that the calm I felt with him seldom came any other time- I was falling, and I had to show him just how hard I descended before I hit the ground.  
"Dance with me," I mumbled.  
"I don't know how," he replied quietly, his face still pressed against my chest.

"You don't have to know how," I said, still looking down at him.

"Why do you want me to?" He murmured.

"Dancing makes me feel something. You make me feel something. If I put them together, I can feel everything. I want to feel everything with you," I mumbled.

I felt Levi sigh against me. "Okay," he replied.

"Okay," I said.

"Okay," he said again.

"Okay," I murmured, feeling a smile on my lips.

"Shut up and get this dancing thing over with," he grinned, his fingers loosening.

"Okay," I replied.

"EREN," he laughed, exasperatedly- that was the first time I ever heard him laugh while saying my name- the first time it ever rolled so gracefully off of his tongue; I wanted to hear him say it more, I wanted to hear him say it like he just did, like my name gave him some sort of happiness- I wanted to get drunk on the sound of his voice.

"Stay here," I murmured, pulling away and walking over to the speakers that were set to my iPod's playlist. I picked up my tiny little blue iPod, scrolling through until I found the song I wanted, Chasing Cars, the acoustic version. I hit play and walked back over to him, wrapping my arm around his waist as his trailed around my neck. "Here," I whispered, lacing my right hand with his left and holding it to the side of us. The vocals started, and I gently led him in a simple 4-step- he followed slowly, catching on quickly.

I led him gently in our union- feeling my body merge with him, letting the dance feed me it's intoxicating energy- letting it consume me only slightly- I wanted to stay conscious enough to see his eyes.

" _We don't need_

Anything

Or Anyone."

I heard him sigh as his head rested on my chest, leading him through the dance, as we both sunk into the little world we had created, just for us. Only us.

  
" _I don't quite know_

How to say

How I feel."

We twirled like those little helicopter leaves- we flew like dandelion's fluff, we were everywhere and everything that's beautiful. He didn't say a word, but he didn't have to; the way his heart beat sped up as I twirled him, the way he held my hand so endearingly, the way he smiled when I held him closer.. those little moments said all the things he couldn't put into words. They did the same for me.

"Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough."

　

I dipped him backwards slightly during this part, laughing slightly at seeing his eyes widen in fear.

"Eren.." he murmured.

"Shh," I pulled him back up, spinning him and tugging him back into my embrace.

"I need to say something," he murmured again.

"No you don't," I whispered.

"If I lay here,

If I just lay here,

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?"

I dipped him again, slightly lower, feeling his weight on my arm- he clutched my hand, and closed his eyes.

"Don't drop me, I'll kick you," he whispered.

"Never," was all I said.

"All that I am,

All that I ever was,

was here, in your perfect eyes,

They're all I can see."

I could feel him breathing against my chest as I held onto him- the heavy intake, and the slow release. I timed my breathing with his, just to feel that much closer. I felt him relax as I held him- felt him tense as I stepped away during certain parts, like my being there made him feel something- and oh, did his being here make me feel. He made me feel the beautiful things I'd never before felt, and everything I'd ever wanted to feel. I felt found as I intertwined my hands with his, letting myself unravel as I became wrapped up in this concord of unspoken words and blissful, silent thoughts.

"If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?"

The song was coming to a close- I felt the energy from the dance slip away from me, but for the first time, I wasn't saddened by its absence- I saw Levi's face, and his face said all the things I wanted to hear- the promises and the proclamations I was hungry to hear.

"Eren," he murmured, looking up into my eyes.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, my chin resting on the top of his head.

"..Eren," he repeated.

"Yes, Levi?" I asked, looking down at him, to find his eyes staring up at mine.

"..You're a brat."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks," I sighed. I released him for a moment, looking at his surprised expression with a slight amusement, and walked to the couch, plopping down onto it.   
"I'm tired," I yawned. I meant it- I was tired and cold, goosebumps pressing up under my skin; I didn't know if they were from the cold, or from the onslaught of emotion I'd just traveled through. Levi looked at me with a raised eyebrow, before smirking a little, an unknown victory hidden behind the smile. "Good, then you can be a good boy and act as a matress," Levi said, a hint of triumph in his voice- he walked over and plopped un-gracefully on top of me, his legs winding around mine, one hand on my chest. My breathing hitched for a moment- _'he's on top of me. oh my god. what am i supposed to do? fuck him silly? i've never had sex! what is sex even? i don't know how to sex. i know how to dance, how to cook, but not how to sex. dear god, how does sex even-'_ my thoughts raced until I realized that his breathing had evened- he'd fallen asleep.

' _damn,'_ my hormones cursed.

 _'thank you for being asleep because i don't know how to sex,'_ my brain said.

 _'both of you shut the fuck up,'_ my heart said, as I yawned, pulling the blanket off of the chair next to the couch and placing it around us. Tentitavely, I wrapped my arms around him- I felt Levi tense and sigh, his hand forming a gentle, unclenched fist on my chest. I exhaled, finally relaxing as I looked up at the ceiling.

' _I'm holding him,'_ I thought gleefully.

Once I fully relaxed, I began to remember how my mother used to tell me to be grateful the moments you spend with the ones you love, because you might not always have the opportunity to relive that moment.

I remembered her telling me to never forget something that made dancing alone pale in comparison.

I remebered telling her she was ridiculous, and promising her I'd never have that.

I was wrong, Mom.

"I'm grateful, Levi. I'm so grateful," I murmured, closing my eyes and beginning to drift away.

I could've sworn that, right before I fell asleep, I heard a voice say,

"Me too."

 


	3. Merci Pour Votre Amour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hyperventilate every time I get kudos, guys, for real.  
> I'm like a giddy teenage girl.  
> Okay, I wanted to say thank you again for the love, thank you to the person who commented (I forgot to look at your username before I started writing this :C ), the feedback has been beyond helpful.   
> This chapter has less fluff, but I think it's an accurate representation of what I wanted Levi and Eren's relationship; sarcastic, slightly serious, and full of inappropriate humor.
> 
> I did describe a panic attack in this chapter, so TRIGGER WARNING if that stuff bothers you. Don't put yourselves at risk, guys, I'll put asterisks around the scene where it's described so you know when and where that scene happens. It's brief, I promise.  
> Okie dokie.. uh OH ONE MORE THING.
> 
> IF I was to have Eren x Levi go somewhere out of Germany during this fic in an upcoming chapter, where would you like to see them go? I'm not sure if I actually am going to have them go anywhere.. but if I was? Drop a comment if you have anywhere in mind.  
> Well, that's all I've got to say.. so, there you have it.  
> Enjoy, guys.   
> -MW

_Our tongues swirled back and forth with each other, our eyes locked upon each other, feasting and hungry. My hands traveled up across his chest as he placed demanding wet kisses against my neck. I twitched with need, and he realized  my urgency- from the way his hands grabbed at his shirt to unbutton it, he felt it too. He lay atop me, his shirt now splayed open, pressing sweet kisses onto my chest. I let out a throaty moan, my back arching and my hips lifting slightly off the bed. "Patience," my dark eyed lover said, his tongue dancing in circles across me. "Please," I begged, my hips still raised slightly. "I can't wait anymore." He stared up into my eyes, the lust they held so barely restrained. Without another word, he had unbuttoned my jeans- pulling down the zipper with his teeth. My chest heaved, desperate. The jeans slid off my legs, as he stared into my eyes, his mouth hovering above me- "Please!" I groaned. "Please, I can't wait, please," I whimpered, a slave to his desire- I didn't have to wait long, because he soon heeded my request by-_

"Eren, as much as I appreciate your early morning enthusiasm, the dry-humping of my leg needs to stop."

My eyes popped open, and they focused on Levi; he was sitting up on my lap, and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, leaving the collar of it to slide down off his left shoulder. His hair was still neat, and his expression held one of utter bemusement.

"Earth to Jager," he murmured, leaning foreward slightly and furrowing his brows at my sleep-drunken expression.

"Jager to Earth, ship running low on battery, can't find charger.." I murmured, covering my eyes in the crook of my elbow, trying to go back to the dream I was having- I usually didn't dream that way, and never so vividly as last night.

"First of all, I don't think spaceships run on battery, you idiot. Secondly, what would you even plug a charger for a spaceship into? Third, did you hear me about the dry humping?" he replied, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I looked at him more clearly, finally emerging from sleep. "Uh, first, I'm pretty sure if we had enough of them, we could run a ship on double a's. Second, I don't have a witty or challenging response. [Checkmate](http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6NzY3Mzg6MzY4MDpjaGVja21hdGU6YTI2YjkwYzY4YTMyOGYzODA3NjgzNGNkNjg4MGE2MzM6ei0xNTExLTEwNDY5OTc6YXJjaGl2ZW9mb3Vyb3duLm9yZzoyMjc5NzE6ZDUwYzJlMzNiOGYxN2U0ODczMWVlYTJmNjZiMjAzMDE6Y2U4OWJmZjc0MjBlNDgwNzgxNWVlZjNiNDI1MWVmZjg6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDEwNDB4MTkyMDtkYXRhX2ZiLG5vOzo1MTY3NDU5&subid=g-1046997-b189af82013d42588b04d611af8ba243-&data_ss=1040x1920&data_fb=no&data_tagname=P&data_ct=small_square&data_clickel=link). Thirdly, I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear a word about dry humping, because I was most certainly not dry humping you," I retorted with a  smile inching across my face, replaying the events of last night's delusion in my head.

"Enough about the damn spaceships, or I'll send you to the ESA and say you fell from the sky and landed in a corn field, wielding a probe. I refuse to drop the dry humping incident, because it was sexully unappealing and I should've kneed you directly in your crotch," he said drolly.

"Hey, was it an anal probe?" I asked innocently, my smile growing even larger.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Tch, You disgust me. As if I'd let you top. Back onto the dry humping incident-" he began.

"Back off of the nonexistant dry humping incident," I interjected.

"-I wonder what you were dreaming about to moan my name so many times. 'Leeeeeeeviiiiiiiii, please don't make me wait, Leeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiii...'" he mimicked, making an innocent face as I blushed to holy hell.

I was not about to confess to him. Mentally scarring humiliation was not on my to-do list for the day. "Whatever. I need to shower, so, do you mind moving?" I muttered, looking away to hide my reddening cheeks.

"Hey, your words, not mine," he shrugged, getting off me and rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to my [apartment](http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6ODAwMTc6MzI4NTphcGFydG1lbnQ6ODlmODlhNjExNDY4MDkzZGVlODkxOWJjNjA5MTU0NjE6ei0xNTExLTEwNDY5OTc6YXJjaGl2ZW9mb3Vyb3duLm9yZzoyNDIwNDQ6MTVjM2IzZmUxZjU2YTNiOTk4NDdhOGZjZTA5ZjYxNjE6OWU3ZTBkZDU5ZWE0NDFjOTllYTVmOGQzNmI0ODg3OTg6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDEwNDB4MTkyMDtkYXRhX2ZiLG5vOzo0NDAwNzYx&subid=g-1046997-b189af82013d42588b04d611af8ba243-&data_ss=1040x1920&data_fb=no&data_tagname=P&data_ct=image_only&data_clickel=link) to take a shower and get dressed.. you had anything in mind for today?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

I yawned, getting up and stretching my arms. "Uh, I have to dance today.. you can watch if you want, this is my solo day."

"I'd love to. Should I wear a leotard?" He asked, glancing up at me with a smirk.

"You're such an idiot. Get out of my apartment, I have a height minimum that you don't reach," I smirked.

See, this is where I advise any and all who read this; never make fun of short people. They'll tear you to shreds, even if they had to start from the bottom up. I learned this pretty quick. 

I didn't even have time to blink before Levi'd swung his left leg out hooked his foot around my ankle, yanking out my footing. He had already put his foot on my chest, preventing me from getting up, before I'd even realized what had happened.

"You don't seem to be meeting the height requirement at this moment either," he murmured, looking at me with a cold glare that I really hoped was sarcastic.

"I'm laying down-" I began.

Another bad choice. My next piece of late-arrival advice is to not try to dig yourself a deeper hole than what you're already in. I rank this at about number 4 on the list of bad choices you can make around short people. Coincidentally, mentioning a short person's height in any way whatsoever tops out at around number 1.

Levi had slid his foot up, which was (thankfully) in a sock, directly onto my cheek. He pressed down a little, making it uncomfortable, but not painful.

"Don't test me," he murmured, leaning down to come closer to my face. "Apologize and I'll let you up."  


"I'm sorry, Levi," I said, my face still squished against his foot.

"Hmm.. say it with more conviction. Use some praising adjectives."  


"I'm dreadfully sorry to your most benevolent self," I sighed, wishing more than anything that this humiliation would end. 

"Say it again? With more emotion, please," he smirked, the bastard's grin inching across his cheek.  


"I'm so horribly, dreadfully, intolerably sorry to your most benevolent and honorable self that I called you short," I snapped, glaring up at his expression.

"Great. Now call yourself an asshole."

  
"What? No! Let me up!" I yelled, trying to move against his hold- he was strong. Way stronger than I'd expected for someone his stature.

 

"C'mon, say it. The truth is easier to handle once embraced."

"I fucking hate you."

"Tragic how I don't care. Say it."

"I'M AN ASSHOLE, ALRIGHT? NOW LEMME UP!"

 

Levi laughed as he took his foot off my face, leaving me scrambling to my feet.

"You don't really hate me," he smirked, looking up into my eyes with a knowing glace.

"No, I don't, but I wish I did. I'm going to shower," I grumbled, walking in the direction of the bathroom.

"Take care of your hardon, by the way," he called, making me freeze in my tracks as I heard him open the door to leave. "I really only held you to see if it'd make it go away. It didn't. I deduced that you enjoy Domination, and I'm putting that into my mental archive for future use."

I felt myself beginning to seize in embarassment as he walked away, shutting the door behind him.

"I hate him," I groaned aloud, covering my face as I walked into the bathroom.

"No, you don't," I heard a knowing voice call from the apartment next door.

"SHUT UP!" I shouted, a smile spreading across my face once more, shutting the door to the bathroom and locking it.

I was very thankful that my hardon went away without help.. because giving into that unrealisitc dream's fantasies was also not on my to-do list for the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You ready?" I shouted, banging on the wall that connected our apartments. I'd gotten out of the shower, dressed in a pair of joggers and a tank top, and packed my dance bag with grip tape, extra water, and my iPod. I'd even put on the gloves that Levi had gotten me; actually, I hadn't taken them off from last night except to shower. They were way more comfortable than my old ones, and they looked nicer too- even though I really wasn't a fan of studs.

After a few moments of no response, I banged again.   
  
"Ackerman, I'm not waiting all day, my car's gonna get hot again," I whined, looking out my window and seeing the blazing August sun shining rays down on the city. It had cooled down during the night, but it was expected to hit 80 degrees today, and I didn't want to have to get into my car and melt. I usually don't take my car when I go to Kyojin, but today I was going across town, to Chosa-Tai Studios. They had better solo rooms, so that's where I went if I wasn't practicing with the rest of my group.

Levi, again, didn't answer; so instead, I walked over to his apartment and knocked on the door. "Yo! You in there?" I asked, trying to peer through the one-way glass that let him see outside. Obviously, that didn't get me anywhere, so I just leaned against the wall in front of the apartment and checked my phone-

43 missed calls, 21 texts, 8 voicemails, all from Mikasa. All of them were inquiring about last night- I figured I'd not tell her. I ignored those, and went to Armin's texts- this morning, at 4:47,  he wrote:

"How was the date with mystery man? Did he have a big 8=====D?"

Que cringe attack.

I replied;

"Date went great. Mystery man has a name- Levi Ackerman. Status of his 8===D unknown."

I sighed, sending the message and putting my phone in my pocket, still waiting for Levi.

Just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open- as did my jaw.

Levi had on a mint colored shirt with sleeves that ended just over his elbow, with upside down crosses on the shoulders. He wore jeans with rips at the knees, but I was more focused on his shoes as I gawked at what he wore; the newest Vans, Galaxy pros. 'His job must pay him alright,' I thought to myself, not fathoming how someone would pay 50 bucks just for shoes. He also had a pack of cigarettes in his hand, and one hung from his mouth, unlit.

He had a tattoo that extended across his outer arm- it looked like words in latin. They circled his arm, starting just under his elbow and continuing up across his shoulder- at least I thought they continued. I couldn't really tell because of his shirt. "Nice tattoo," I murmured. He raised an eyebrow. "Thanks. I don't have that many, I want more as time goes on." I thought he looked downright gorgeous.

"Do you want a smoke?" he asked, putting the pack away and fishing a lighter from his pocket.

"Absolutely not, I prefer my lungs pink, not blackened," I replied, feigning disgust- truth is, I just couldn't smoke because of dance, and I always thought it looked cool.

"Whatever you say," he sighed, putting the lighter away, his cigarette still unlit. He winked at me before slamming the door to his apartment and walking down the hall. "Your car or mine?"

"Uh, whichever," I replied, following close behind him. I felt a little nervous with him by my side- I'd never been in public with him, except for the traffic incident; but that didn't count, we just ran into each other- I felt sort of _cool,_ that I had someone to walk with that wasn't my sister or childhood friend.

"Well, I forgot my ID, so you can drive," he sighed, pressing the button for the elevator.

"Alright," I replied, biting my tongue to retract a booster-seat comment. We stepped in the elevator, standing side by side, but not touching. I found this to be horribly awkward- **the small buzz of my anxiety began to light up in my head. The anxiousness increased faster than usual- My heart sank with the sudden realization that I'd forgotten to take my pills.

My anxiety medication was the only thing that made me remotely calm. I almost never went without them. When I was off of them, I had panic attacks maybe 3 times an hour, and I was constantly fidgety and on edge. Panic began to wash over me, and my hands slowly started to shake as the elevator commenced its descent. I began to fidget with my hands as the murmur of the voices inside my brain began to louden. 'This isn't happening. I didn't forget my pills. No, I didn't forget them- I couldn't have forgotten. I did not forget them,' I thought desperately to myself, trying to create a charade in which I did take them- but I didn't. I knew I didn't, and the knowing is what was really bothering me- If I didn't realize that I didn't take them, maybe I wouldn't be this on edge. Levi looked at me through the corner of his eye; I wasn't looking at him, but I could only imagine what he thought, looking at my panic-stricken face.

'He doesn't like you,' my thoughts jeered. 'He doesn't even want to be with you, that's why he shows no interest, and how could he? You're so small, and he's so far above you.. that's right, he couldn't want you.'

I hadn't noticed the tears in my eyes until Levi stepped forward and pressed the emergency stop on the lift, making me look up in fear.

"Oi. What's wrong?" he asked, coming to stand in front of me and running his fingers through my hair. I flinched instinctively, and he retracted his hand with a frown. "What's wrong, Eren?" he murmured softer, reaching his hand for my arm. "Can I touch you?" he asked cautiously. I nodded, fidgeting with my hands as he tentatively placed his hand on my shoulder. Once he noticed that I didn't shy away this time, he relaxed, but only slightly. I could see the confused fear in his face, but I tried to refrain from looking at him.

"I-I didn't take.. my pills.." I whispered, the trembling not easing as I kept my gaze from his.

"Oh, shit, do you want me to run up and get them?" he asked, reaching out for the lift button.

"N-No! I mean.. yes! I.. I don't.. I don't know," I groaned hopelessly, hiding my face in my hands, feeling the beginning of a panic attack coming on. "Levi, I'm sorry.. I-I'm sorry that this is happening, I don't.. I didn't want this-" I started rambling quicker, my breathing hitching and the tears spilling down my cheeks. My knees were already knocking, and it didn't take long for my legs to give out- I began to fall, my breathing catching again, until Levi grabbed my waist and held me up, leaning me against a wall.

"Eren," he said smoothly, his thumb trailing circles on my shoulder.

"H-Huh?" I gasped, still avoiding his glance- I didn't want to look at him to see the disgust that I knew must've been there. 'What else could he have felt but that, looking at me like this? I'm a wreck,' I thought miserabely.

"Look at me," he murured, tilting my chin in his direction- my eyes immediatly snapped shut.

"Eren," he said softly. "Breathe. You're starting to hyperventilate. Everything's okay, alright? I'm right here, and I won't let you fall," he reassured me, still keeping me upright.

"B-But.. I'm.. I'm so p-pathetic, and you're s..so much better, you c-could-" I sputtered, the tears still raging, my eyes still shut tightly.

"Eren. Please look at me," he murmured.

I finally pried my eyes open to meet his- and the buzzing quieted a little, as I realized his expression wasn't of disgust- it was of concern, but a calm sort of concerned.

"See? Everything's fine. Try not to breathe so fast, okay? Time your breathing with mine," he murmured, not breaking eye contact with me, breathing slow and deep so I could hear. My breaths slowed as I concentrated on matching my intakes with his, feeling my heart slow as well.

"That's great, Eren. You're doing fine. Just keep looking at me, okay? Do you think you can stand?" he asked, helping me off the wall.

I stood uneasily, not daring to take my eyes away from his, my anxious feelings still not gone.

"Listen, Eren, I'm right here. Try to relax, keep looking at me, just like that," he said, still keeping our gaze.

I nodded, still fidgeting with my fingers. He took hold of both my hands, bringing them up to his chest- I could feel the slow, steady beat of his heart through his clothes.

"You can feel my heart, right?" he asked. I nodded again, my lips pursed tightly. "Good. I just want you to focus on that. Try to count it, like you count beats for dance. Nothing's gonna happen to you, I'm right here, and I won't let anything touch you, he promised, still holding my hands against him. Normally, any sort of contact I would've rejected- but I felt relaxed when my hands were on him. I counted his heartbeats like measures, imagining waltzing to them. I noticed that my breathing had quieted, and the nagging buzz of the attack was almost gone.

"Are you relaxed?" he asked, releasing my hands- I kept them there for a minute longer, against his chest, counting just a bit more, before sighing in relief, nodding and looking down.**

"Panic attack?" he asked slowly, his hand beginning to come up to my face, before he second guessed and placed it back on my shoulder.

"It's okay.. you can touch me, Levi," I murmured, still keeping his gaze, blinking the tears away. "yeah.. it's a panic attack, I get them even with the medicine," I sighed, breaking our gaze to look down.

He cupped my face with both hands, rubbing the tears away with his thumbs.. "I see.. I used to know someone who got them," he murmured. "You're no different from anyone else for this, alright? This doesn't make you a bad person," he assured me. I nodded reluctantly, bringing my eyes back up to meet his.

"I know that sometimes you say things you don't mean during panic attacks.. but let me adress this now, alright?" he began, as he searched my eyes for something unknown.

  
"Eren Jager, you are by no means pathetic. You surprised the hell out of me when I first saw you; I thought you were trying to off yourself. As soon as you turned around, my heart stopped," he chuckled, looking deeper into my widening eyes.

"You know what really got me? Your eyes. They held so much wonder, and dear lord, that sounds cliche, but it's true. You looked like you had no idea what was happening around you, and I found that amusing. Last night, when we danced.." he looked down, as if the thought made him blush- but I saw nothing on his face, not quite yet. "I felt like I'd been missing something, up until that moment. I almost felt like I found what I'd been looking for.. and someone who can do that to a person like me is under no circumstances pathetic. I don't know where you're getting this 'I can find someone better' crap, but in case you haven't noticed, Eren, you're what I'm focused on. Who cares about what else I could find? Maybe I don't need to find anything else. Maybe I already found the better thing, and just maybe, it's you," he smiled, standing on his toes and pressing  kiss to my cheek- my face lit up like a lava lamp in a hippie's weed van.

I covered my mouth with my fingers, as if to hide the sheepish spreading across my face. The remaining quiet buzzing in my thoughts drowned as a newer sound came to replace it; the sound of my internal ecstasy. 'He really means it! I mean something to him!' my thoughts danced around in my brain, filling me with good feeling. I kept my glance with Levi, my smile spreading ear to ear. Levi simply looked at me with disbelief, a grin on his face as well. "Are you even real?" he murmured, poking my cheek, making me giggle. "I'm real.. and the security guards that are probably gonna grill us when we get to the lobby are real too," I laughed.

Levi smirked. "Whatever, I'll show the badge," he said, pulling the beaded chain that held his detective's badge from under his shirt. "You remember that, but not your license?" I grinned. "I sleep with thing, Eren. I never take it off. I'm gonna press the button for the lift to start back up, alright?" he murmured. I nodded, looking down as he pulled away to hit the button. The lift shuddered slightly, then began its normal descent down, into the lobby. Levi had stood closer to me this time, wrapping his fingers around mine. "I don't really want to let you drive if you're so nervous. I don't think I'll get pulled over if I drive alright, and I ususally drive fine, so I won't get caught without the ID.." Levi murmured. "Ah, what am I saying, I'm a fucking detective," he chuckled, glancing at my exsaperated expression. "You could always flash the badge," I murmured, looking at him from the corner of my eyes, smiling softly. "Yeah, I guess," he said thoughtfully, tracing his thumb in circles across the back of my hand.

The elevator door opened, and a guard looked at us with a suspicious expression. "Mind telling me why the elevator had a stop?" he asked with an annoyed hitch in his voice. Levi looked at me, rolled his eyes and pulled out his badge. "Classified. Sorry mate. Have a fantastic day," Levi smiled- a fake, plastic smile that made me giggle. The guard looked at him with loathing as we walked away, Levi turning around to wave as he opened the door. I was still smiling as we walked into the parking lot, suddenly slammed with the change in temperature. "Fuck me, it's hot," Levi sighed, shading his eyes. I grinned at what he'd said. "If you insist," I replied nonchalantly, squinting to look for my car. "You're so immature it's painful," Levi said, tugging at his sleeve. "Where's your car?"

I looked around some more, before pointing at a gray car, thankfully sitting in the shade. "There," I said, getting his attention.

He squinted at it. "2013 Infiniti G IPL, convertible," he murmured.

I looked at him dumbfounded. "I don't even know my car's model, so how do you? I'm beginning to think you stalk me."

He looked at me boringly, beginning to walk towards it. "No, I don't stalk you. I don't even like cars, but I used to have that car. That's how I know. Don't flatter yourself," he sighed, smirking at me as I unlocked the car. "Yeah, whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. "You definitely stalk me," I said, as I threw my bag in the back seat, opening the driver's side door for Levi before walking back around and getting in. "Please don't dent my car. I'm leasing it," I said before getting in the passenger side. "Oh, I'll try my best. Not like I've been driving for longer than you've been alive," he said sarcastically, grabbing the keys from me and starting it.

"Be careful. That's all I'm saying," I reminded him as he pulled out of the lot and started down the road. "We're going.. where?" he asked, holding the wheel with one hand and flicking his lighter with the other, finally lighting the cigarette that hung from his lips.

"Uh, Chosa-Tai. You know where that is?" I said, reaching for the radio dial.

"Yeah, it's near the beach. I got it," he said, revving the engine and pulling the car from second to third gear, driving at a speed that I promised myself to kill him for later.

"BE CAREFUL WITH MY CAR!" I shouted over the wind, as he looked at me through the corner of his eye, puffing his cigarette and blowing smoke. "Relax, Jager. I can drive fine," he smirked, pushing my hand off the radio dial and setting it to a rock station. The radio host's voice came on first, but soon Duality by Slipknot rang throughout the car. He turned the volume up, looking at me again as we came to a stoplight.

"You knpw Slipknot?" I called, seeing him mouth the lyrics.

"Of course, now shut up and listen," he shouted back, over the blast of the radio.

The second chorus was about to come on, and I could tell he was about to sing it. I contemplated turning off the radio to kill his vibe, but I loved the song too. It was one of the first Slipknot songs I'd ever heard, and I hadn't listened to it in forever. 

Once it started, we both started shouting the lyrics, causing the people in the neighboring cars to stare.

"I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY EYES. IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT SLOWLY STOPS THE ACHE, BUT IT'S MADE OF ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO TAKE. JESUS, IT NEVER ENDS IT WORKS ITS WAY INSIDE IF THE PAIN GOES ON, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT!"

By the time the chorus ended, we were both laughing our asses off, as I began to nod my head to the beat, Levi revving the engine again once the light went green.

"You never cease to surprise me," he shouted, looking at me with a grin, his cigarette between his fingers.

I just laughed, feeling elated as the wind went blew through my hair, as the next song came on- Don't Fear the Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult.

"This is before your time," Levi grinned, turning the volume down a little.

"You weren't born in the 70's either, idiot," I replied.

"Yeah, but I was 5 when this came out. I may have been a fetus, but at least I heard it when it was big," he smiled, pulling into the parking lot of Chosa-Tai.

"Oh, you're such a geezer," I groaned. "At least I'm a 90's kid. I was able to enjoy the magic of Tamagotchi."

"I bet you every penny in my wallet that you've let them all die," he said, looking at me from the corner his eye and parking the car.

"They had a good run," I shrugged, grabbing my dance bag and jogging for the door.

"Thanks for waiting, asshole," he called, walking at a normal pace, one hand in his pocket, and the other still holding his cigarette. I waited at the door for him impatiently, as he threw his cigarette in the ashtray next to the entrance. "Give me that bag," he said, grabbing it from my shoulder. "You're still wounded. I don't need you to get hurt worse."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't miss practicing, Levi. My shoulder doesn't even hurt. It's still wrapped, it'll be fine," I sighed. I was telling the truth- It didn't hurt at all, and I knew I'd be fine if I worked even harder than usual. There's no better way to heal.

He glanced at me as we walked inside. I showed my ID to the lady at the counter, who paled once she saw me. "Oh. My. God. You're, like, Eren Jager? The dancer?" She asked, leaving me confused as I looked at Levi uneasily. "Uh.. yeah, I am," I replied with a nervous laugh.

"You're so much taller in person! Oh my god, Stacy will be SO jealous. Can I, like, get a picture?" she asked giddily, taking out her iPhone and shoving it to Levi.

I winced, knowing this was a bad move.

He looked down at her phone, then back up at her. He sighed, taking the phone and smiling at her. The same plastic smile he gave the security guard.

'This can't be good,' I thought uneasily, picturing Levi smashing the 600 dollar phone under his foot.

"Sure, sugar, I'll take a picture," he said with a singsong voice that nearly made me gag. The girl squealed- my ears nearly bled- and came out from around the counter, and hugged onto me tightly, making me severely uncomfortable. I put an arm around her waist and smiled as best I could, trying not to puke.

Levi smiled as he took the picture, his thumbs moving as if he was putting a filter on the picture, then turned off her phone and handed it to her.

"Thanks! I'll see you around, maybe we could, like, text sometime?" she said, grabbing her phone from Levi and looking back at me, twirling her hair with her finger.

"Uh, I don't.." I began, as Levi intertwined his fingers with mine and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Ready, babe? You promised you'd show me how to pole dance today, and I'm wearing the lace panties you picked out," he murmured, looking at me innocently as the girl gasped.

I paled, looking from Levi to the girl and back, trying to grasp an excuse from my mind- nothing came. I was blushing to holy hell as he led me away, leaving me spluttering as we entered the stairwell to the solo room on the second floor.

"You're welcome," Levi murmured, jogging up the stairs and looking at me with a grin. "That was so mean," I giggled, still blushing. "Eh. At least she got the picture," he replied with a sly look in his eyes. "You took it of your face, didn't you," I said, a smile inching on my face. "No. I took it of her, but then I went to her photos and cropped you out of it," he murmured. "Oh, that's cold," I laughed, opening the door to the room I was gonna practice in, Levi walking in first.

"This is cool," he sighed, looking around at the wooden floor, surrounded by mirrors, one panel of windows on the left wall. "Yeah, I like these rooms," I murmured, setting down my bag and sitting on the floor, beginning to stretch. Levi glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. "You're inhumanly flexible," he decided, leaning against the wall near the door. "Thanks," I breathed, concentrating. Levi didn't reply as I continued to stretch in different ways- being mindful not to overuse my shoulder. Once I finished stretching, I plugged in my iPod to the speakers and chose Monster by Gaga. I had to make sure everything was perfect before the next group practice. I chose an all piano cover, to be sure I wasn't distracted by vocals. I had to know the whole thing with as little cues as possible.

Levi was sitting with his legs crossed, watching me intently as I shook my hands to get my nerves off, bowing my head, waiting the nerve-wracking few seconds before the song began.

Once it started, I disappeared into my world, diving into a realm that was molded just for me.

Everything was fine up until the second chorus. Soon after that round of vocal, I'd thrown my arm too far; I felt a searing pain, knowing that I'd opened the wounds on my shoulder. I tried not to let it show on my face; it definitely didn't show in my dance. I was still in my own little world, barely even noticing the pain as I moved throughout the floor like it was made for me.

I had my eyes closed, oblivious to everything around me, preparing for my solo that was coming up quickly. I was drawing on my inner strength; my shoulder wasn't feeling too good, but I was dealing with it.

Taking a deep, motionless breath, I became a slave to the sound, becoming high on the one drug I loved the most. Once I began my solo, any remaining worries in my head dissolved in the tidal wave of my dance. Dancing to the piano version of this song was difficult; but it was proving useful, as I found cues that I guessed were also in the original, cues more useful than the ones I found before. Trying to forget the rest of my thoughts, I tore through the rest of the song like it was made for me, like the song was written and played just for dancing to.

As the final chord rang out, my eyes opened slowly, refocusing on reality. I glanced to my left; Levi was staring at me, his mouth slightly open, shaking his head as he stood and clapped. “That was absolutely brilliant, Eren.. I’ve never seen anyone dance like that, that was..” he exhaled and shook his head, jogging over to me and smiling at my confused expression. “That was incredible,” he smiled, wiping some of the sweat from my brow. “T-Thanks..” I murmured, absentmindedly touching my shoulder. Levi followed my gaze and rolled his eyes, shaking his head and smiling. “You’re so stubborn, you made it bleed,” he sighed, touching the wrapping gingerly.

“I know.. but I couldn’t quit, Levi, dance does something to me,” I said breathlessly, running my hand through my hair. “I do understand, because dance does to you what music does for me,” he chuckled, looking up at me. I looked down at him with a bemused expression.“Music? You?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “Music. Me,” he replied, a twinge of annoyance in his voice. I flinched once I noticed. “Sorry, Levi, I didn’t mean it that way.. I just didn’t know. What do you play?” I said quickly. He looked up at me, his eyebrow still raised. “Guitar and piano,” he said quietly. “That’s impressive, those are hard instruments to play,” I said, looking down, still feeling bad about what I’d said earlier. He sighed and tilted my head up. “I also sing.. but no, you can’t hear right now,” he chuckled, as my eyes opened. “That’s even more impressive. I can’t sing to save my life,” I laughed. He smirked, reaching for my hand and intertwining our fingers. I blushed, looking down at our hands and back up to meet his gaze.

“You know what?” Levi murmured, reaching his other hand up to brush some stray strands of hair out of my face. “What?” I replied quietly, my free hand snaking around his waist to draw him in closer. “I’ve slept on top of you, but I’ve never kissed you,” he chuckled, his lips beginning to look tempting. “Really?” I asked, sort of surprised- I never really thought about not kissing him; it just hadn’t really come up, except for yesterday, when we interrupted by his phone.

He looked up at me with a questioning gaze. “Should I fix that?” He asked, his thumb slightly brushing my lips, sending a shiver down my spine. “Yeah.. you should,” I replied, releasing his hand to run my fingers through his hair, my hand coming to rest behind his ear. He wrapped his other arm around my neck, a wistful look in his eyes that I didn’t understand. His eyes closed, as did mine. The butterflies in my stomach were trapped in a whirlwind as I felt him stand on his toes, my heart beginning to speed up. My arms pulling him against me a little tighter, his fingers still eternally cold on my neck. He looked down at my lips before meeting my gaze again, his front teeth biting on his lower lip just slightly. "You're tempting, you know that?" he asked, a sly grin on his face. "Oh, and you're not?" I laughed nervously. He brought one of his hands up to my face, cupping my cheek slightly. "You don't have to be so nervous around me.. there's nothing you could really say that would lessen my affection for you," he murmured. "No, it's.. it's not that, Levi.. I've never kissed anyone before," I sighed, feeling small and pathetic. He opened his eyes wider and drew away slightly to have better eye contact. "Seriously?" he asked, not in an offending way- in a genuinely curious way.

"Yeah.. I'm really not this lovey all the time, Levi, you just draw that out of me," I laughed, still feeling a tad pathetic as I looked down.

Levi tilted my chin up and looked me in the eyes. "Well, I'm glad I bring out that side of you. I'm not this romantic, either. I'm really an unapproachable asshole. You bring out the best in me," he murmured with a small smile.

"That should mean something," I said quietly.

"What should?" he asked.

"It should mean something that we do this to each other- because I don't just fall apart for anyone, Levi, and you're making all the walls I built around myself fall.. and I can't say I'm unhappy about it," I smiled.

Levi just stared at me for awhile, an incredulous look in his eyes.

"I swear I'm going to fall for someone like you," he murmured.

 

He cut off my reply with a savored, drawn out, long-awaited kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd that's it for this chapter. It's short, I know, but I intend to make the next one lengthy; since the one before this was lengthy, I decided against just creating a thread of long chapters. Besides, I didn't want to over describe anything. Remember to comment if you have an idea on where you'd like to see Eren and Levi travel in an upcoming chapter!   
> Thanks again, love you all.


	4. My Lover's Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I'm not even gonna sugarcoat it. This chapter is going to be sad. My only request of you is to not give up on this fic; remember, I promised you Ereri, and I'll be damned if Ereri is TOTALLY destroyed in meandering chapter four. :C 
> 
> Quick love to Ao3 user Ilirea; her comments made me smile last night when I was having a real tough time. Love is always appreciated.
> 
> Okay, enjoy this chapter darlings. <3 c=

It was heaven when his lips touched mine- I was nervous, since it was my first kiss, and I really didn’t know what to do at first. He moved his lips against mine in a way I’m not sure words can accurately describe; it was good. It was so many different synonyms of good, I’m not sure I can list them all. I liked how he sometimes bit on my bottom lip- at first I yelped, causing him to ease up. The next time he tried, it tickled and made me giggle a little. I guess he liked the way my laugh sounded, because after I did, he wrapped his arms around me tighter, making me bend down slightly to match his pull. After a while of what I’d later learned was called ‘surface kissing,’ his tongue darted across my bottom lip- almost making me feel like I was in need for that action. I opened my mouth partway, nervous on my lack of knowledge; but I found out that I didn’t have to think, I just responded without having to know what to do. Our tongues began to move in this rhythm; I counted beats, like I did for dance, like I did with his heartbeat, almost subconsciously. We stayed like this for a while, sinking into our kiss, almost losing ourselves the way we did last night in my apartment; we were so close to releasing our control when-

Not now.

Any time but now.

‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,’ I thought exasperatedly, not daring to move against his lips, Levi groaning and finally pulling away. He rolled his eyes before reaching into his pocket for his phone.

He wiped his lips, looking at me with a raised eyebrow at my blushing expression. “That was not your first kiss. Whoever taught you how to do that deserves a medal,” he said with a grin. I wiped my mouth, looking down as he answered the phone.

“This is Ackerman,” he said to whoever was on the other line.

He listened intently to something I couldn’t hear. His eyes suddenly opened wide as his other hand went onto his forehead, as if in despair. I looked at him with confused eyes. “That’s not Friday. That’s two days from now, there’s no way. You’re lying, shitty-glasses,” he groaned into the phone, shaking his head.

He listened again- I could hear an overexcited voice coming from the other end, making me wonder what the hell was going on. Levi sighed, looking down, then up to me. “I’ll have to see what Eren says- yes, the one I told you about-“ he said, avoiding my glance as I blushed. ‘He talks about me?’ I thought, my heart surging with a weird sense of pride- I don’t know why I felt pride. What was there to feel prideful about? Finally kissing someone and having a maybe-boyfriend after 19 years of being completely single? That’s not something to have pride over. More like relief that I wasn’t inept of emotion.

“Huh? Yeah, alright. I’ll see what I can do. If he doesn’t want to go, I’ll have to go anyway, not like I have a choice,” Levi sighed, looking at the floor and tapping his foot. Suddenly his eyes widened, and- _holy shit_ \- a blush came to his cheeks. “I wouldn’t know that! Why are you asking me that! I wouldn’t know that, why don’t you ask him, you damned freak? I’ll talk to you later,” he said, gaining his composure again and hanging up the phone, putting it back into his pocket.

“Where are you going?” I asked, trying to avoid the flood of feels that I got from seeing him blush. “Well.. I have to fly out to London for a police.. uh, how do you say? ‘Ball?’” he asked, looking down. “I’m supposed to speak about our progress, and I’m expected to stay for a week or so,” he said. “It’s an expense paid trip, but I can’t just not go.. I wouldn’t expect you to come with me, but if you wanted, you can..” he began.

“London? Like.. London England?” I asked.

He looked at me with such a disappointed expression. “What other London would we be talking about?”

“Uh, there’s a town called New London in Connecticut, my mom had friends there when we lived in Manhattan,” I said matter-of-factly.

He looked like he wanted to punch me. “I really don’t know why I find so much affection for you. Yes, London England,” he said drolly.

I contemplated for a moment. Missing dance for a week, not seeing Titus, leaving Jean and Marco to handle the dance practice, staying with someone I felt strongly for that I’d only just met? Or not going, being alone except for dance practice, and watching Titus slam into different pieces of furniture?

“Of course I’ll go with you. I just need to leave Titus with someone,” I said, trying to imagine Jean and Marco’s reaction to leaving them with my dog for a week.

Levi grinned, his eyes lighting up. “Really? Well, we’d have to fly out tonight.. so we should probably go back to the apartment, shouldn’t we?” he said, looking up at me and intertwining our fingers again.

“Tonight? Oh, Christ. I’ve gotta get my prescription refilled.. I can’t forget my pills for that long.. I’m gonna have to slave to pull this off,” I whined.

“You don’t have to come, Eren,” Levi assured me.

“I’m not passing up an opportunity like that.. of course I’m coming. We should go, like, right now then,” I said, reaching for my bag. Levi had grabbed it before I could, grasping my hand and leading me towards the door. “C’mon, pretty boy, let’s pack our shit. We’ve got a plane to catch.”  


I barely had time to unplug my iPod and catch my footing before he’d tugged me away.

We jogged down the stairs, Mr. Sudden-Immediate-Plan still towing me along. I had to walk by the counter lady and ignore her glare as best I could as Levi waved and blew her kisses as we ran into the parking lot. “You’re so mean to her, Levi!” I laughed as I threw my bag in the back of the car and hopped over the door, not bothering to open it. “Mean is my specialty, Eren,” he smirked, turning the key and pulling out of the lot.

Levi reached in his pocket for a cigarette, driving with one hand as I turned on the radio.

A song that I didn’t immediately recognize began playing, as I tried to follow along with the intro.

Levi glanced at me through the corner of his eye. “You know this song?” he asked.

“No idea,” I confessed.

“This is a song from my scenemo wannabe days, Eren. A true golden classic,” he said, pulling to a stoplight.

“What is it? It doesn’t sound scenemo to me. The guy’s scream is terrifying,” I said, glancing over at him.

“Christopher Cerulli’s scream is not terrifying. It’s art.”

“Christopher Cannoli?”

Levi glared at me. “Are you honestly deaf? Do you need hearing aids?”

I looked back with a grin. “Huuuuh?”

He chuckled, shaking his head, coming into the parking lot of our apartment building, tossing me the keys. “I want you to take your pill when you get in there. Call your friends, take care of Titus- I’m not sure why you call him an idiot, by the way, he’s beautiful- I need you packed and ready by 3, because our flight is at 5..” He checked his phone for the time. “It’s like 1:45 right now. Can you handle that, princess?”

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I can handle it. Where are you going?”

“Going to refill my prescription,” he said.

“Oh, shit, remind me I have to do that too,” I said, not believing my level of incompetency lately.

“Why don’t you come with?” he asked.

“I have to get my script refilled through the hospital,” I said, running my fingers through my hair.

“Why?” he asked, tilting his head a little.

“I take Klonopin and Xanax, Levi,” I said, chuckling a little. “I’m not even allowed to have more than a week’s worth of both pills at a time. Apparently people get high off of those.”

Levi made a low whistle. “They’ve drugged you up pretty good. I’ll drive you when I’m back. Try not to injure yourself while I’m gone,” he sighed, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “See you later.”

I kissed his forehead and waved. “Toodles, princess,” I smiled, jogging towards the apartments, reaching for my phone, preparing for the onslaught of calls I’d have to make.

 

  
It took 45 minutes to pack all my stuff. I didn’t know what to bring for what Levi called a “ball,” so I just kind of winged it. I only had one suitcase and a duffel bag; I hoped that was enough for a week’s worth of travel. Heeding Levi’s word, I also took my pill; even though it was way past when I should’ve taken it. ‘Late’s better than never,’ I decided. I could tell Titus knew something was up; he kept pulling at my ankle, bringing me his tennis balls and sitting in front of me like an angel; I could practically see the halo, yet again.

This was one of the few times I actually felt bad for him; I’d never left him before, but he loved Marco and Jean, so I’m sure he’d be alright I bet they’d to let him stay for the week, as long as I promised to call their house the night before I flew back in. Marco was a sweet guy, even if Jean could be a real prick- Marco leveled him out. The last person I wanted to call, but the first person I knew I had to call was Mikasa. I hadn’t returned any of her calls from yesterday, so I knew she’d tear my ear off once I called. I’d betted that her screams would shatter the glass of my phone once I told her I was going to London.

‘Better now than never,’ I thought tiredly to myself, dialing the number and preparing for the shitstorm.

“Oh, hey Eren,” a pleasant Mikasa said. “What’s up?”

I was shocked. “Uh, nothing much, just wanted to check in, how about you?” I replied uneasily. Something was up, there was no way she was calm.

“Oh, nothing, just doing some research,” she said lightly.

Oh, no. “Research on what?”

“Your so-called boyfriend, Levi Ackerman,” she snarled. I could practically hear her fury bursting out of her chest. “Armin told me his name. I googled him, and I found out he worked for the Police. Do you know why he works for the police, Eren?”

“Uh, probably because he went to college, wanted to get a job?” I asked boringly.

“Wrong. He’s only a Detective because of a plea deal,” she said matter of factly.

My heart started to beat a little faster; I took a deep breath to attempt to rein in my emotions.

“Okay, and how do you know this?” I asked skeptically.

“Look, it’s all over the town records, Eren. He’s nuts! Absolutely psycho,” she snapped.

“Mikasa, that’s not telling me anything. What do you know?” I interrupted impatiently.

“Listen, Eren..” she sighed. “It was twenty years ago. Granted, he was only 18, but.. it doesn’t make up for his crimes, Eren, he’s a dangerous-“

“What were his crimes, Mikasa?” I pressed, feeling my palms begin to sweat.

She didn’t respond. “Mikasa!” I yelled, balling my fist. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll find it myself-“ I said, my tone that of warning.

“Okay, okay,” she said finally. “Listen.. it was him, this guy named Farlan, and some chick named Isabel. They were all living together in the _fucking Parisian catacombs._ That’s where they used to... they used to put..” she hesitated, but my sinking heart was already screaming the answer:

“Bodies,” I murmured, my chest drowning in dread.

“Yeah,” she said, her tone raising slightly. “Apparently they didn’t have any money. They ended up stealing from tourists, which is why people think the catacomb hauntings were worse back then than ever. The tourists thought they weren’t human, or something; they pickpocketed people, taking wallets and credit cards and IDs, so Isabel could go up to the surface and buy food for them,” she paused to take a breath. “Okay, this doesn’t sound so bad.. until one tourist realized they were real..” she hesitated again.

“T-Tell me,” I said, not believing my ears; _‘Catacombs? Stealing? LEVI? This can’t be right,’ I thought miserably._

“Levi ended up pulling a knife and nearly killing him,” she murmured. “He cut an artery in his thumb that nearly led him to bleed to death after he tried to attack Isabel. Once the Parisian police found out who they were.. the Trost police force petitioned for them to issue a plea deal; They could go free and avoid any charges if they worked for the Trost police. These guys- Levi and his accomplices- they're the most skilled thieves the Parisians had ever seen. They're smart, they're manipulative, and they're liars, Eren. You cannot trust a word that comes out of Levi Ackerman's mouth.”

I dropped the phone, my hands shaking. Mikasa was calling for me through the phone, but I could only hear her faintly. She seemed worlds away from me as my heart hammered in my chest, sending my whole body into tremors. This couldn’t be true, could it? Levi couldn’t hurt anyone- but, yes he could.. he always had that cold exterior. I never felt so afraid of him until now- there was no way I could go to London now. He could _kill_ me. He would end up murdering me, he’d take everything from me like he did to those tourists.. I was his victim. Not his lover, not his friend, not even someone he cared about- I was his victim. He was a monster, and I was his prey; the realization sent me into hysterics, crying louder than I had in a long time- it wasn’t just sadness, not even just betrayal; no, this was fear. I feared what he could to do to me. He could easily kill me if he wanted to. I took notice of the buzzing in my head, sinisterly fueling all my thoughts and screaming into my brain. “L-Levi?..” I whimpered faintly, to no one but myself, knowing that he wasn’t here. ‘This.. no, this can’t..’ I thought desperately. The tears that flooded my eyes and spilled down my face were foreign; this pain was an intensity I didn’t know existed. It was crumbling my insides, splintering my heard and sending ice through my veins- I found myself resenting my stupidity. How could I even dream of going to another country with him? I should’ve fucking known. In that moment, as much as I hated Levi- I hated myself even more. I abhorred my ignorance. He told me I was naïve, and damn, was he right.

I sat in silence for a while, letting my tears slowly drip their ways out of my eyes when I heard a knock at the door.

“Eren?” a smooth voice called.

“I brought you something,” I heard him chuckle. For once, the sound of his laugh brought fury and disgust to my stomach- I found myself filled with _hatred._

“Oh, yeah, I’ll let you in,” I said evenly, catching my breath and opening the door.

He had a wide smile that reminded me of how much I loved him; but the love was replaced with self-loathing. His expression soon changed, turning to confusion- the way his eyes looked punched me with guilt, making me even angrier than I was.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, reaching out to touch me.

I swatted his hand away with the back of mine, causing him to step back.

“You’re a liar,” I hissed, shaking my head at his incredulous expression.

“What?” he asked, the hard look in his eyes shattering.

“You’re a liar! Don’t fucking act like you aren’t! You- you sick bastard, you disgusting- you’ve lied to me since the start!” I yelled, turning on my heel and walking into my apartment, his footsteps trailing after me.

“What are you talking about? Eren, I-“ he began.

“Shut up!” I screamed, whirling around and wiping my eyes, ignoring his expression.

“You stole from people. You nearly killed a man. Y..You’re not even a real cop!” I sobbed, tugging at my hair. “You nearly killed someone, and you want to take me to London?! You probably have some motive,” I snarled, tears still dripping from eyes. “You probably want to kill _me,”_ I whispered, hugging myself around the waist and lowering my head, my body racking with silent sobs.

“Eren, that’s ridiculous, I’m not going to kill you, I don’t want to kill you- baby, please relax-“ he said, his voice slow, sad and _manipulative._ ‘ _He wants you to believe him so he can hurt you. He’s twisted,_ my anxiety sneered.

“Yes, you do,” I whimpered. “You stole from people, Levi.. y-you stole f-from people, and you hurt people, and you LIED to me!” I yelled.

“Eren- baby, please listen..-“ he said, reaching his hand out for me.

“Don’t touch me, you sick fuck!” I screamed, twisting away from his reach.

I could tell what I’d just said hit him hard- he dropped his hand and looked at me with this eviscerated stare that absolutely gutted me.

The strange thing was; I cared. I didn’t want to say these things- I was talking to an attempted murderer, and all I really wanted to do was hug him, to kiss him, to say I was sorry.. but something stopped me.. something was telling me to keep away from him, and my fear was bowing to that order.

“You really think that I’d hurt you?” he asked quietly, with a thick sounding voice. “You really think.. after that time in the elevator, after the time in your apartment, after _everything-_ you think I would do that?”

I stared at him, my heart dissolving with the unspoken words that lay like acid on my tongue-

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know anything anymore, Levi, y-you’re a liar, how can I trust..” I whimpered desperately, avoiding his eyes.

Silence rang throughout the apartment, the aura around us thick enough to suffocate.

“Eren,” he whispered. “Look.”

I slowly turned my eyes to him- he was showing me his wrists. I stepped closer, my heart splintering a little more.

I’d never seen his bare wrists up close before- and now I wish I never had.

Faint, white lines trailed across his forearm- they were old, fading with time, and there were none even remotely close to fresh. My hands began to shake even more as I covered my mouth with one of them.

“This is the wrist of someone with a conscience,” he said bitterly. “This is the mark of someone who got dealt shitty cards, the mark of someone who doesn’t appreciate what they did in the past. The mark of someone who _regrets._ ”

“W-Wh..why?” I asked numbly.

“Why? Because yeah, I stole from people. Yeah, I almost killed someone; but he attacked my friend. She would’ve died, Eren. I saved her life. If you would only know why-“ he began, but I shook my head.

“You’re a liar,” I murmured.

“Eren, for God’s sake-“

“No! Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! You’re trying to guilt me, and I won’t have it! Your cut up wrist isn’t my fault! It never was! You’re lying! You’re always lying,” I screamed, not believing the words coming out of my own mouth- not believing what I was saying, and wishing I could take it back-

“I’m sorry.. I don’t know what I-“ I began, taking a step towards him-

He shot three steps backwards.

“L-Levi,” I whimpered, stepping forward again- all the regret stomping on me. “I-I don’t know what got into me, Levi, p-please-“

 

“You can never take that back,” he said softly, his eyes moistening. “You can never make up for what you just said.”

“Levi, please.. d-don’t-“ I whimpered, trying to close the distance- he kept stepping away, so eventually I stopped, not wanting him to leave. I wanted anything but him to leave.

“I have to go to London, Eren. And you need to stay here,” he said.

“L-Le..Levi, we can work this o-out..” I said hopelessly, reaching for his hand that he drew back.

“There’s nothing for me to work out,” he interrupted, his voice still even and calm.

We stared in silence for a while, the silence tugging and desperate, before he spoke again.

“You’re the murderer, Eren. Not me. You’re the only one who’s killed here. You’ve killed us,” he murmured.

I gasped, freezing in place- it was so true.. _I killed us._

“Take this,” he said, reaching into his pocket and throwing something on the floor- it looked like a box.

“You can take that. You can do what you want with it, because it’s meaningless now. I don’t want to ever see it again,” he said evenly.

“Please don’t go,” I whispered.

“You’ve already left,” he said, turning on his heel and walking out of my door.

“Levi, no, n-no please, Levi-“ I began, walking after him. He turned around and motioned for me to stop.

“Don’t follow me. I’m going to catch my plane. Goodbye, Eren. I hope you’re satisfied,” he said, tears now spilling from his eyes- he ran out, ran into the elevator, slamming on the button.

“NO! Levi!” I moaned between sobs, running to the elevator-

 

.

.

.

 

 

The door closed as Levi looked me in the eyes. I ran to the window that looked out on the parking lot- I saw him leave the lobby, get into his car, and drive away, his black BMW fading into the night, leaving me to recall his eyes-

Those indigo eyes, my lover’s eyes. They now lay broken, massacred by my own hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! ^-^ Sorry if it hurt your feelings ;-; Waaaah poor Wevi! I got the feels writing this and I made myself feel so distraught :c..  
> expect updates a little later this time :( ah I feel bad, but uni is kicking my behind, and I'm planning a trip back home for next month and that's been hard. Don't worry though, you'll be reading chapter five by Monday at the latest..  
> See you all in Chapter 5! ^-^


	5. One Step Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, how I've missed you all. c:  
> College is kicking my ass, guys. I sat in a lecture today taking notes, trying to write neatly because I was going to give them to my friend to study-  
> I wrote 4 pages of notes in Romaji ;x;  
> I'm from Okinawa, and I tend to mesh my sentences with half Japanese and half English A LOT.  
> It's really unfortunate because it happens when I write. Most of the editing process for me is mostly making sure that all my sentences are in English, which is also hard, because I don't always catch the difference if I write in Romaji. Kanji's a different story ;-;  
> Long story short, I had to rewrite my notes.   
> Anyways, I hope you all have been well and stress-free; this chapter is.. I'm not sure. I'm not thrilled by it, it's a tad boring, but not everything can be chapter four ;.;  
> NEVER FEAR, next chapter will be much better..  
> and half of it will be told in a flashback format. o3o I'm so excited to write it, you have no idea.  
> Okay, here we go guys.   
> Strap on your Life Alert's, because this chapter's gonna stop your heart ;))))
> 
> ..
> 
> please excuse me while I cringe to death because I actually typed that..  
> enjoy the chapter [<3]  
> -mw-

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.

After Levi left, I ran back to my apartment and sat on the floor, my head in my hands, crying the tears that first appeared after I broke him.

I could never forgive myself. I couldn't ever forget what I'd done to him. He was right..

_I am a murderer. I killed us._

I remember Titus lumbering over to me, putting his head on my lap; that kindness only made my tears fall with a renewed fervor. Idiot or not, he was still my best friend. He didn't move, even though my legs were shaking and it must've been uncomfortable.. it was soothing to know that even if no one else forgave me, he did.

Sitting like that taught me what should've been obvious from the start: Levi wasn't trying to guilt me. He only wanted me to listen. That was the only thing he wanted from me.. and I couldn't give him that. "I'm pathetic," I sighed to no one but myself, still sobbing, tugging at my hair again. Endless tidal waves of the image of his scarred wrist scathed my mind; _'It wasn't my fault that he cut.. but I could be the cause for him to start again,'_ I thought to myself, whimpering incoherently as images of blood and razors tore through my brain.

I don't even remember my exact thought process during this; I recall all the resentment I felt towards Levi was now centered upon myself. I don't think I ever really hated him. Might've been angered, but I definitely didn't hate him. I couldn't hate him. Quite the contrary, actually: I found myself far from hating him.

Somewhere upon my mental journey of self-hatred I awakened to the realization that I was a monster for what I’d done. I was horrible for the things I said to him. I knew I could never take them back, and he made it clear that he'd never forgive me.

_'You can never make up for what you just said.'_

I remembered him saying that. Recalling the conversation was pouring salt into my wounds; but I imagined that must've been true for him as well, only worse.

I stayed in this position much into the morning; I slept on the floor for a few hours, but soon, I awakened only to take my pills and sit back down.

I groaned, glancing up at the clock; 12:45 p.m. I wasted the entirety of last night and today’s whole morning drowning myself in tears.

My thoughts soon returned to the monotonic drift of regret; Levi the center of all my contrite.

_‘If I could redo last night. I’d tell him all the things I really meant, the things I was too afraid to say,’_ I thought to myself, beginning to form the words in my head.

I imagined it’d go something like;

_'I'd break my bones for you, Levi. You're the only thing I ever held so dear, and I ruined it. I want you here, I want you to take the voices in my head away. I want you to touch me, I want you to hold me; and even if you don't want me to, I want to hold you. I want to kiss those tears away, I want to kiss those scars on your arm, I want to kiss all your pain away. I just want you here, because.._

_‘Because I love you.'_

The realization hit me like a truck; I'd only known him a week, maybe less. I felt like such a cliché; how many people fall in love so early and end up destroying each other? I'd already destroyed him; and now, to ensure that we were equal, I wanted him to destroy me. I wanted him to break the walls I had built around myself. I wanted him to tear me apart, bit by bit, shred by shred; because maybe once we mended the broken pieces of each other, we'd know what love was. If he hurt me, I'd take it with more than just a smile. I'd take it with glee. If hurting me was what he needed, then I'd bear every bit of it.

_'Levi, if it's really what you need to do, I want you to shatter every piece of me, and leave nothing untouched. Eviscerate me if that's what you need. I'll take it all, I'll take every pain you could ever give to me. The only thing I ask of you is to stay long enough to kiss the wounded parts of me away, to coax my thoughts to sleep, to bring out the best in me like you've done for this past week. Free me from my cage, so I can free you from yours. I want nothing more than to fix us, darling.._

_‘My only wish is to bring us back to life.'_

The tears slowly began to stop, leaving me numb and empty- a much worse feeling than any of the pain I felt before. I was never empty with Levi. I didn't want to be empty..

I felt Titus look at me with his curious blue eyes, as if pondering something. I looked down at him and pet the smooth hair of his ears. He had this amused look on his face that made me wonder if he’d broken something while I was gone. “What’re you looking at me like that for, punk?” I groaned, looking down at him with an eyebrow raised.

He lifted his head, looked at me for a while longer, and then he lumbered over to the kitchen, soon out of sight. _'Great. Now I'm really alone,'_ I thought miserably.

I was about to get up and crawl into bed, but I heard Titus' paws clicking on the wood floor- he soon came back into the room, holding something I didn't recognize in his mouth.

He trotted over to me and placed it in my lap, looking up at me expectantly. Sighing, I took another look at it as my heart twisted; it was the box that Levi had thrown at me.

 

_“'You can take that. You can do what you want with it, because it’s meaningless now. I don’t want to ever see it again,'” Levi said evenly._

 

“Dear God,” I whispered, turning the box over in my hands. “I don’t want to open this,” I murmured, running my hands across the silk ribbon that held it shut. I’d begun to set it down before Titus barked at me; I glared at him, trying to put on my best death glare. “Shut up,” I sighed, turning away my glance from his idiot face. Titus leaned over my lap, pulling at the box with his teeth. “What the fuck do you want with it? It’s mine,” I scolded, trying to push him away; he weighed in at around 150 pounds, so he easily ignored my resistance. He sat down next to my lap, looking at me expectantly. It took me awhile to figure out that he didn’t want the box for a toy..

“You want me to open it,” I said slowly. Titus just blinked, looked down at the box, then back at me.

I sighed; Titus knew a lot of things better than I did, I guess. He had that innate sense of importance with things that I never seemed to pick up- he obviously wasn’t going to leave me alone until I opened it, either. Fingers trembling, I untied the ribbon that lay across it; the box was about the size of my hand. I opened the lid, looking inside.

A silver linked necklace with a small silver charm, that looked like a sparrow. I gulped, taking it out of the box and running my hand over the charm, my heart seizing with even more guilt.

' _I'm such a prick,'_ I thought to myself.

Looking back down inside the package, I saw the corner of a piece of paper peeking through the side of the velvet casing the necklace had laid in. My eyebrows furrowed as I tugged it; It was a folded letter. My heart began to race as I fumbled to open it, beginning to read;

 

_Dear Eren,_

_Well, I really write shitty love notes, so we're going to pretend this isn't a love note and it's a critique of your dancing ability. I know nothing about dance, so.. You suck, I guess._

_Just kidding, you don't suck, you're a brilliant dancer. Watching you dance enthralls me. It's like you just let the music take you, and I've never seen anyone more in tune with their body like that. You're a freaky kid, but you're my freaky kid, so that's alright. Hopefully you're just as much of a freak between the sheets as you are with everything else._

_Okay, so the necklace. I didn't know if you'd like it, but I did, so it doesn't matter if you like it. Just kidding, yes it does. Of course, it matters more that I liked it though, because it's the thought that counts. Isn't that what people say? That's a shitty saying; if someone bought me a pair of tweezers for my birthday and said "It's the thought that counts" I'd probably tweeze their eyebrows in their sleep. I'd make them dotted. Then I'd connect them with sharpie and they could have an endless game of connect the dots. Why don't people do that? Why isn't that real?_

_Wow, I went off topic. Back to the necklace. The sparrow means something. I haven't told you this, but I have a history that I'd love to protect you from a little longer. I've done things I'm not proud of, Eren. Believe me, I would've told you- but there's so much that I can't put in a letter. To put it short, by telling you, you'll be in danger. Real danger. I've done so much to protect you so far that you don't even know about, so many things I can't put in writing; just know that I do this because I care for you. I'm hiding these things from you because I care about you. If anything ever happened to you, I would crumble. If anyone ever laid a hand on you, I'd make sure that hand never touched again._

_Listen, that made me sound insane and protective- both of those things are true. Just kidding. I'm not insane. I've been tested._

_That's a lie, I'm not insane, but I haven't been tested. I'm actually pretty sound minded for a guy with PTSD. I actually have PTSD pretty bad. That's how I know how to handle panic attacks; because I used to get them, and I know what would've helped me. The difference between you and me is that no one helped me through mine. I fought myself; but that doesn't mean I won't fight for you too. I'll fight for the both of us, forever. You're my little songbird; I think that sounds more cringe inducing than anything I've ever said, but whatever. You're my songbird, dammit, and I wouldn't want it any other way._

_The sparrow on the necklace is just a way to show that you're cared for. Because you are cared for, Eren.. I've never wanted to protect and love anything, let alone anyone, as much as I do you. So keep that in mind, because you're never not cared about. You're always going to have me. Always, my love, always._

_I'll end this on a less cliché note; I tend to talk in my sleep. Just letting you know. Add that to the mental archive, alright, Princess?_

_Love Eternal,_

_Levi_

I was crying halfway through the letter. I cried, I laughed, I cringed, and I cried again, the honesty of his words sending me on an emotional rollercoaster-

‘ _Emotional rollercoaster? What the fuck is this, some sort of chick flick? I’m degrading my vocabulary,’_ I thought with a chuckle, imagining Levi laughing at my hormone-induced, feminine-vocabulary. The thought of him laughing made me giggle even more; and soon I felt warm, wrapped in an embrace that only Levi could bring-

‘ _Levi isn’t here. He’s on a plane to London,’_ my brain reminded me; snatching away my giddy thoughts and the bubblegum feelings that came with them.

Returning to the letter, I didn't understand everything, but somehow, everything made sense now. He only wanted to keep me safe.. but from what? What made him so protective that he couldn’t tell me? My mind reeled, but I couldn’t figure out what made him so paranoid..

Oh, fuck that, it didn't matter from what. I had to apologize now. This was all my fault, and there was no way of rewording it.

I understood that I couldn’t wait until he came back. It could be weeks. I wasn’t going to let this sit and fester the way it was; because if I let him slip away for too long, it would really be over for us.. and..

_There wasn’t a way in hell that I’d lose him. Not now, not ever. Never again. He said love eternal in the letter; and that’s exactly what I planned to give him. Love that lasted so much farther than just an eternity. A love that knew no bounds._

Snapping out of my Socratic lovesick thoughts, it was obvious that I couldn't fly to London without a clear plan of what I was going to say. I had to know the truth before I got there.

I knew that Levi would want to tell me, but a feeling in my stomach made me feel like I needed to hear it now, from someone that wouldn’t withhold anything.

It’s not like I thought that he’d lie; he hadn’t really lied in the first place, but I needed to make sure I got the full, unsugarcoated truth. He might try to hide something that could hurt me, and I needed someone who wouldn’t do that- who’d tell me the truth regardless of its impact.

I wracked my brain to think of people, but I didn't know anyone that he knew.. except..

"Oh, shit.. shitshitshit!” I muttered, realizing what I needed to doI scrambled to my feet, running to my bedroom, throwing the contents of my hamper on the floor. My thoughts spiraled as I began searching for the pants I had worn the day we first met; he'd given me his card that day. I put it in my pocket. If I knew a number, maybe I could find someone- he talked about his commander once.. maybe him?

After shuffling through clothes, I finally found the pants- once I reached into the pocket, I found the slightly crumpled blue card, which read;

_Levi Ackerman - Senior Administrative Detective of Trost Police_

_Direct Line: 49-6992-555-9559_

_Station Number: 49-6992-555-0183_

I fumbled in my pocket for my phone, dialing the station number and clearing my throat so I didn't sound so shaky.

Someone answered; a woman with an excited tone. "Hallo, Polizei-Abteilung!"

I paused, my mind blanking; I knew German fluently, but I needed to clearly articulate without searching for words- I could only do that in English.

"Ja, sprechen Sie Englisch?" _Do you speak English?_

"Yes, I do. How may I help you?" her voice chimed, accent free.

"Uh.. is there any way I could speak to the Commander? I think his name is.. Erwin? Erwin Smith?" I asked, trying to grasp at Levi and I's conversation from yesterday- I thought that was his commander’s name, but I wasn’t sure. _‘Hope it’s close enough,’_ I thought absently.

"Hmm, what for? Usually he doesn't speak to anyone except for complaints about his officers. Do you have a complaint?" she asked.

"Oh, n-no.. it's about my.." I hesitated slightly. "It's about my boyfriend, he works there.. but I needed to ask his commanding officer a question only he would know," I finished.

A slight pause. "Are you Eren Jager?" she asked suddenly.

My heart fluttered nervously; how'd she know who I was? "Why do you ask?" I said quietly, not quite understanding.

"Yep, you're him. You've got the American tone of voice. Hello, Eren! I know Levi very well, the little guy and I have been friends since forever!" she chimed happily.

_American tone of voice?_ "Uh.. oh, thank you.. I'm sorry, but.. maybe you could tell me," I sighed uneasily.

"I'm sure I could! However, this sort of conversation is better spoken in person, don't you think?" She replied.

"I suppose.. but I wouldn't mean to inconvenience you, I mean, this isn't really a big deal-" I began.

‘ _what the fuck are you saying Jager this is a HUGE deal, you socially blind moron. You have the social perception of a paperclip,’_ I thought to myself hurriedly.

"Oh, it's a big deal.. shortie wasn't too happy yesterday when we spoke- don't worry, he didn't tell me anything. It's only now that I assume it's something between you two," she said.

Cringe. "U-Uh.. Is he alright now? Have you spoken?"

"I'll tell you what- Why don't you come down to the station some time today? Any time would work, we're not very busy as it is. I could probably get the top brass to fix a meeting, the three of us. Smith is fond of little shortstack, and he knows him like the back of his hand!" she laughed.

_Top brass? Shortstack? How has Levi not punched her in the mouth from that nickname yet_?

"Uh, yeah, that would be great.. when would you like me to come down?" I asked.

"Like I said, any time.. hmm, but if we're going to have a meeting.. I supposed maybe two o'clock would wo- hold on, one second please," she sighed. I heard her move the phone away from her mouth. "Mike, stop sniffing her. You're terrifying her, she's only a cadet. Mike, I'm serious, she'll end up screaming," she yelled.

_'What the fuck kind of Police Department does Levi work in?"_ I thought confusedly.

"Sorry about that," she sighed. "Yes, like I was saying, 2 o'clock would work fine. Do you need directions?" she asked.

"No, no I know where it is.. thank you very much, Miss- uh.. sorry, I didn't catch your name, what is it?" I replied.

"Hanji Zoe, Forensics manager and Chief CSI. Nice to speak to you, Eren," she said happily.

"You as well. I'll see you at two.. bye," I murmured.

"Toodaloo! I'll see you- ah, shit, MIKE ZACHARIUS, I'LL GET THE NOSE PLUGS, I SWEAR I WILL, AND I'LL GLUE 'EM TO YOUR NOSE IF YOU DON'T STOP!" she yelled again.

I just hung up, not wanting to know. Looking at the clock, it read 1:10. The station was only 10 minutes away, but I began to get ready as soon as I hung up; the anxiety was setting in, making me rush. I had to find out exactly what happened in Levi's life before I could apologize. I couldn't face him without knowing what terrified him enough to not tell me the truth.

_‘Don’t worry, Levi.. I’m nearly there, love. I can feel your heartbeat press against my hand the way it did in the elevator; the feeling of your life gives me hope I never thought I’d have.’_

_‘I’m nearly there, love. Nearly there.’_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

2 o'clock came slower than Christmas does for a 5 year old. I didn't want to show up too early; seeming like an overly attached boyfriend didn't sound like a good idea.

Nevertheless, I ended up at the station at around 1:45. As soon as I opened the doors of the large, glass building, I was in awe.

The place was huge. The lobby itself was open, spacious and comfortable; not at all what I pictured for a police station. Directly across the room from the entrance was a large elevator; next to it, a reception desk. There were two officers sitting in the reception area who had similar features; a short girl with large blue eyes and blonde hair, and a slightly taller (but still short) girl with colder eyes, a longer nose, and lighter blonde hair. I guessed it was a German thing, they may have had the same features, but they didn't look alike, somehow. One of them- the smaller one- was smiling and giggling. The other looked bored, sporting a grimace on her face that was sort of off-putting- it kind of scared me, but like hell was I going to say that a girl who must've been half a foot shorter made me uneasy.

I walked up to the front desk, smiling slightly. Both officers looked up at me. "Hallo, wie kann ich Ihnen helfen?" the shorter one asked. I mentally translated; _how can I help you?_ Her name tag read "Reiss, Historia." _Rad name,_ I thought.

"Ich bin hier, um die Forensik-Manager sehen," I replied. _I'm here to see the forensics manager._

"Oh, ja-ja. You're the American one!" Historia smiled, a slight German lilt to her voice. "I'm officer Reiss; this is officer Leonhardt," she said, gesturing to the woman beside her; she looked at me like she wanted to strangle me, but I smiled at her anyways.

"Yeah.. I am the American one," I said with a slight laugh.

Historia smiled warmly. "Zoe hasn't been quiet since she first received your call; everyone who knows her has heard of you by now. I'll notify the CSI department that you're here." She reached across the desk and pressed a button on her phone- "Eren Jaeger ist hier für Zoe," she said into the reciever.

I couldn't hear the reply; but there was a lot of muffled, excited yelling and a loud slam- I guessed that was Hanji throwing the phone down. Historia winced, gently placing the phone down and smiled at me apologetically. "She's a very nice lady, she's just.." she hesitated, as the loudest voice I’d ever heard came screeching from behind the door of the elevator.

“-EEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!”

Historia looked down and bit her lip as the elevator doors opened, someone with red hair and goggles on her forehead came running out.

The woman wore a long white labcoat and looked much more excited to meet me than I was her. Trailing after here was a man with blonde-ish hair and desperate, tired eyes, calling after her: "Chief! Chief, dear Heaven, slow down, you're gonna-"

As if on cue, she tripped and fell flat on her face, causing the man to wince, kneeling down to help her. She was still for a moment before her head popped up, as she scrambled to her feet and jumped in front of me; completely ignoring the blonde man’s extended hand. She leaned in closely, far too close to my face. "You must be Eren! Nice to meet you! Wow, you're very tall for someone who's only 19; how tall are you?" she asked, inspecting my height.

"U-Uh.. nice to meet you.. I haven't been measured in years, but last time I checked, I'm 184 centimeters-" I began, figuring out quickly that this was Hanji.

“Really? You think so?” she asked quizzically, kneeling down and looking at my legs. I glanced over at Historia who looked like she was about to burst from embarrassment; Officer Leonhardt just had the same bored expression that still scared the shit out of me.

“Hmm.. Moblit, give me the tape measure,” Hanji said, gesturing to the blonde man and poking at my shin. Her eyes popped open as she poked at my leg more. “WOW, YOU HAVE SOME REALLY MUSCULAR LEGS! DO YOU TAKE PROTEIN SUPPLEMENTS? IS IT ALRIGHT IF I HAVE A BLOOD SAMPLE? IT REALLY WON’T HURT, I PROMISE IT’LL BE QUICK-“ she pattered on and on as I looked around helplessly; like hell was I letting this woman come anywhere near me with anything sharp.

“U-Uh.. I would prefer you.. not touch me with any syringes, thank you.. and I’m a dancer, that’s-“ I began to explain as Hanji shot up to her feet, peering in my face once more.

“Oh, wow! So, you’re flexible, right?” she asked, a glint in her eyes that terrified me more than Officer Leonhardt’s stony expression.

“U-Um..” I began, glancing around at anyone for help; the blonde man (whom I assumed was Moblit) just looked at me apologetically, and Historia kept a downward glance.

I was about to make a break for the exit when the elevator doors chimed open again; and a tall, muscular man with severe blue eyes and bright blonde hair stepped out of the lift. The officers around me; even Hanji, stepped to face him and saluted. The man walked with a slow, steady step that intimidated me. He didn’t seem like an outwardly mean guy; he had what looked like tiny smile lines on his face, and he grinned at me as if he’d known me all of his life.

“At ease,” he said, nodding to the rest of his officers, who relaxed and returned to their jobs; Hanji kneeling down to poke at grasp at my shins, making me wince.

“You’re Mr. Jager?” he asked, stepping in front of me (at a much more comfortable distance than Hanji), extending his arm. I looked at him dumbly for a second before snapping out of it and shaking his hand. His grip was strong; it took me no time at all to realize that this man was the commander. He exuded this powerful aura that made me feel timid; I fought to find my voice to reply. “Yes, sir,” I said, my words sounding small.

“My name is Erwin Smith. I understand you have questions regarding Detective Ackerman?” he asked, releasing my hand and looking at me intently.

“Yes, sir.. I was hoping you and Han- err, Chief Zoe, could help me understand something that happened in the past..” I said hesitantly, trying to recall my conversation with Mikasa from earlier.

“Well, I’m sure I can help you. Ackerman’s our finest officer, and I trust him completely,” he said firmly; confirming my earlier thought that Levi wasn’t a liar. If _this_ guy trusted him, then I had no reason not to.

“Ahem..” Hanji said, peering up from the floor, her hand on my knee. “Can someone hand me a tape measure?” she asked.

“Chief Zoe, what on earth are you doing to this man’s leg?” Erwin asked boringly, as if this type of behavior was expected.

“I’m testing muscle resistance; it’s very hard to find pressure points on his leg since his muscle mass is so high. I wonder if I used a pen..” she mumbled, seeming to contemplate.

Erwin sighed, looking up at my expression with a sorry look in his eyes.

“Zoe, please don’t injure him. We can measure him when we get up to my office,” he sighed, looking down at her expectantly.

She looked disappointed as she got to her feet. “Oh, alright..”

Erwin sighed, smiling at me. “If you’re ready, we can meet now. I believe in answering questions with stories, and Ackerman’s past is fitting for a novel. I have a suspicion that once I tell you what Ackerman’s bygones incur, you’ll have answered all your questions on your own.”

I looked up at him; he had this knowing stare that made me believe him.

I began to consider what was happening; I could hear something in this meeting that would entirely blindside me. I might not want to apologize to Levi.. maybe after this meeting, there’d be a reason to hate him.

On the flipside, if I didn’t know the truth, I could never apologize. If I didn’t know what happened, I couldn’t be with Levi- and I’m sure he wouldn’t want to keep on a relationship where he had to withhold things.

I owed it to Levi to fix this. If I didn’t make this effort, then I might as well give up..

I thought about Levi’s words in the letter:

” _You're always going to have me. Always, my love, always.”_

_I’m trying for you, darling. I promise I’ll try._

I looked up at the commander with a fierce determination not only in my eyes, but in my chest.

_I’m trying for you, Levi._

_This is our eternity._

“I’m ready to meet,” I said assuredly.

The commander smiled and gestured to the elevator, snapping in front of Hanji’s face to get her attention.

“Right this way then, Mr. Jager.”

The three of us boarded onto the elevator, my heart beating a little faster, but I didn’t feel outwardly anxious; for once, I felt headstrong and clear-minded.

 

 

 

_“One step closer to you, Levi. I’m one step closer.”_

 

 

(x)


	6. The Mark of Those Who Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.. okay, so first and foremost, thank you for almost 200 reads.. this is all happening so fast, and I am grateful to everyone who thinks my story is good enough for all the love I have received.  
> This chapter meant a lot to me, especially the scenes with Isabel and Farlan. I really enjoyed writing this.  
> Also, the chapter opens with a flashback of sorts: It's a third person view on the past. I included where it skips ahead to the present: It's pretty obvious, I marked it, so you won't be confused.  
> ***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE OVA IN THIS CHAPTER BEEEEWAAAAARE***  
> Okay, now that that's out of the way:  
> I had a really horrible day today, so I apologize in advance if my writing seems tasteless or emotionless in some   
> parts.. if it's so desired, I'll rewrite it tomorrow.. please, if you think that would be better, just let me know by email (xptxmxsm@gmail.com) or drop a comment.. sigh. Okay, thanks for everything my loves. Thanks for reading this far, and thank you for reading this chapter note.  
> Enjoy ^^  
> -MW

(Third Person:Past)

"Aniki! Aaaaaniki! Levi, come quick!" a light, airy voice called from the second room.

"Isabel, I'm trying to clean up your fucking mess, you damned pig. Wait a minute," Levi called. The shorter man was scrubbing away at a pair of 2x4's set upon two rocks: the closest thing to a table the trio of vagrants had.

Deep in the Parisian catacombs, they had little to no possessions. The place they slept in consisted of a 3 room chamber: one room for sleeping, the other for eating, the third for training.

"A-N-I-K-I!" Isabel called again. "Farlan's bein' an idiot!"

"You're one to talk, shithead," Levi called again, a smirk spreading across his face. He sighed, putting the small cloth he was using to clean the 'table' away in his pocket and turning around to face the sound of her voice.

"Hey, I'm not a idiot!" she cried indignantly.

"First of all, it's 'an', not 'a'. Second, you wouldn't know what 38 plus 12 is if it hit you in the face," Levi chuckled, walking towards the second room, where Isabel sat on the floor, playing cards with a man named Farlan.

Isabel's hair was that of a scarlet color, with green/blue eyes that could light even the sun-absent chasm of the catacombs. Farlan had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes nearly absent of color- he made up in personality and kindness for what he lacked in pigment. He was only a year older than Isabel, who was 18 at the time. Levi was the oldest, but not by much; he was nearing his 21st birthday.

The trio began with Levi, who the others considered their leader; he'd been down in the catcacombs since he was 12. Isabel first came to the underground when she was 15. Farlan had only been beneath the city since he was 17, meaning he had the lesser amount of experience. He, however, had known Levi the longest. The two of them found Isabel the year before now, and ever since, she'd been indited into their family.

"Say, Levi," Farlan called over his shoulder. "D'you the tourists'll come through here again? I doubt it, but i'nt it better if we prepare?

"To be honest, no. They won't. They think we're ghosts," Levi murmured, as Isabel cackled.

"Ghosts? What're they, stupid? Damned tourists don't know nothing better," she laughed.

"Who taught you how to speak?" Levi asked drolly.

"Uh, myself," she said proudly.

"It shows," he replied, ignoring her indignant expression and turning to Farlan. "The ID's we've stolen will only be of use if we can actually get to the surface again.. and besides, I need to get those vitamins.. if any of our legs go out, we'll all be done for," Levi said severely.

The two others nodded in unison. It was true; down in the catacombs, there was no sunlight, no proper food, no proper water. The lack of nutrients was crippling; they'd all seen the detrimental effects before. If any one of them started losing limb fuction, they couldn't be able to steal the money, the ID's, the wallets and purses that they needed to survive. Without the tourists that roamed the catacombs, along with their full wallets and credit cards, they couldn't last a week in the underground.

"I guess.. but shoudn't we prepare anyways? I mean, it'd be good anyways for Bell over here," Farlan said, gesturing over to Isabel. "She nearly got caught last time."

"No I din't! I ain't no where near gettin' caught. I can take care of myself, and my name isnt Bell, Furleen," she smirked.

"We are going to prepare, just as soon as Isabel gets her hands off the floor and scrubs under her nails, because she's even dumber than I thought if she refuses," Levi said, reaching out and ruffling her hair. "You wouldn't survive a day down here alone, Isabel. None of us would," he assured her.

"Hey, I could do just fine without washin'! Also, 38 plus 12 is easy! I could figure it right now!" she said proudly, ignoring his comment, hopping to her feet and throwing down her hand of cards, causing Farlan to groan and clean them up.

"Is that so? Have a go at it, then," Levi said.

"Uh.. well, let's see," she murmured, furrowing her brow and drawing numbers in the air. "You gotta carry the 8.."

"It's 50, genius. Go clean up," Levi smirked.

"Oh, shush up! I coulda gotten it!" she whined, walking over to the other room, kneeling down near the pipe that supplied their water. With a firm kick, the pipe began to spew; She knew better than to drink it, even though she was thirsty. That water was full of lead; she'd seen people die from drinking stuff like that. It was a horrible way to die; and Isabel was sure she'd rather greet death by dehydration than suffer from lead poisoning.

From inside the other room, Levi rolled his shoulder, grimacing as the slight 'pop' from cracking a joint resonated from his arm.

"Hey.. Levi," Farlan said, looking over at him.

"Hm?" Levi replied, glancing up to meet his eyes.

"You've started to feel it, haven't you," Farlan said cautiously.

Levi peered up at him through draped eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," Levi said slowly, dropping his gaze.

"You know.. your shoulder," Farlan muttered.

Levi paused, his hand slowly dropping away from his arm. It was true.. the lack of calcium in their food was beginning to take a toll.

"I'm fine, Farlan," Levi said.

"Let me see your arm, then."

"Farlan, it's fine."

"Levi. You can't even reach above your head without flinching. Let me see your damned arm," Farlan interjected.

The shorter man seemed angry for a moment, before sighing and looking down. "You musn't breathe a word to Isabel," he murmured, slowly lowering the collar of his shirt to show his shoulder:

It was bruised and slightly swollen, confirming Farlan's fear. "It's probably cracked," Farlan said warningly, gently reaching out his fingers and pressing down on Levi's injured shoulder slightly.

"Ow! Fuck," Levi hissed, reaching away. "It'll be fine. I can still use it," he assured him.

"We need to get you a brace when we get back up there.. I'll probably be able to steal some calcium pills to make your bones stronger.. but.. You ain't gonna heal right till you rest," Farlan murmured.

"It's fine, Farlan. I'm fine. Just don't tell Isabel. The last thing I need is her to worry," Levi sighed, looking over his shoulder to see Isabel angrily kicking at the wall pipe. He grinned slightly, before looking back down, becoming ashen.

"What's up? You seem-" Farlan began quizzically.

"Isabel needs to live on the surface," Levi said bitterly. "She could have a life up there. A boyfriend or something. She could make it up there.. she's not bright in most ways, but she's college age. She could go to University.. have a family-"

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Levi, wouldya shut up? Bell don't want any of that. She only wants to be down here with us. This is all she knows," Farlan assured him.

"It doesn't have to be," Levi murmured, looking back over at her from over his shoulder.

~~

"Stupid water," Isabel muttered, scrubbing away at her fingernails. The water splashed around her hands, slowly losing intensity as it reduced to a dripping.

"Damnit!" she cursed. "Hey, Levi, this water ain't-" she began, but a foreign, unknown hand wrapped around her mouth from behind and cut off her reply. Her muffled screams made little noise as she struggled against the long arm that kept her.

'You're a pretty one..' a serpent-like voice said from behind. She yelped as a sickeningly warm hand reached out across her stomach, rubbing her skin in circles.

"Mmh, smooth.." the man's voice purred.

Without hesitation, she growled and sank her teeth into the man's hand, causing him to draw back with a yelp. "ANIKI! FARLAN!" She screamed, trying to get away, but his arms circled around her quicker.

From the other room, the two stared at each other as she screamed.

"What the hell-?" Farlan began, as Levi drew a knife from his pocket and ran from the room.

"H-Hey! Levi!" Farlan stammered, stumbling over his feet in pursuit.

Levi stopped in his tracks as he saw a large, bearded man holding Isabel by the shoulders, her back aginst his chest.

"I'm giving you exactly one chance to step away from Isabel," Levi said, his voice laced with malice.

"Oh, yeah? 'N what're you gon' do 'bout it?" the larger man slurred; his voice thick with the stench of alcohol. Isabel recoiled, trying to break away.

The man looked down at her and touched her hair. "She's a cutie," he began, Isabel snarling and struggling harder.

The fire in Levi's chest surged as he gripped the handle of his knife. "I know who you are," Levi said slowly, causing Isabel to look up in confusion, momentarily stopping her struggles.

"Oh? Who're you?" The man asked confusedly, peering downa t him. "You ain't familiar t'me."

"You're Kitts Woerman. You're the idiot who got fired from the police for being a coward and killing a kid when he spoke against you.. sickening, but it doesn't matter. Step away from Isabel, or I'll slit your throat where you stand," Levi murmured.

"Hmm.. I don't think so, I bet she's never felt a man before," he sneered, his hand moving up her stomach, nearing her chest. Isabel's eyes widened in fear, before focusing on Levi- giving him all the assurance he needed.

"Wrong choice," he snarled, darting forward and sinking his knife into the man's palm, causing him to release Isabel and howl in pain.

"Y-You cut me!?" Kitts screeched, reaching out for Levi; the shorter man grabbing Isabel and pushing her towards Farlan. "I'll kill you-" Kitts began, walking towards Levi and reaching out for him- Levi doubled back and whipped his knife in a wide arc across Kitt's face; gouging a deep rut in his cheek.

The attacker growled again, wiping at his cheek."You bastard-" he began, reaching for Levi's collar: Levi grabbed his arm, twisted it and threw him against a wall.

"No one touches my family," Levi growled into his ear, his grip tightening as the larger man began to struggle.

"L-Lemme.. lemme go!" the man groaned, his face paling.

"Levi, he's bleeding too much.." Farlan warned. "You might've cut his arteries.."

Notcing the blood pooling around his feet, Levi released the man as he fell to his knees. Farlan was staring at Levi's shoulder, which was twitching and shaking slightly.

"Get me the matches," Levi said, looking over at Farlan, who averted his gaze, frozen in shock.

"Farlan! Now!" Levi hissed; this time, Farlan heeded his order, running into the other room.

"Aniki..?" Isabel whimpered, her voice raising in pitch. "I-Is he gonna.. die?"

"You shouldn't care, but no, he won't die. Everything's alright, Bell," Levi promised, turning around and reaching out to touch her face, wiping a smudge of dirt away.

"I got the matches!" Farlan said, running back into the room and tossing the small book at Levi. He caught them and lit 4 of them, heating his knife over the flames. The blade soon became white with heat, casing Isabel's eyes to widen. "W-What're you gonna-" She began, Farlan holding one of her arms.

Levi glanced over at Farlan with a serious look in his eyes. "Don't let her see," he said.

Isabel stayed frozen in place, Farlan coming up behind her and hugging her to his chest, shielding her face as Levi cauterized the Kitts' wound; pressing the white hot blade directly onto Kitts' palm.

The man's agonized wails pierced the walls of the rooms, Levi not even wincing as Farlan closed his eyes tightly in fear.

"That should do it," Levi murmured, blowing out the match and standing. The man's now scarred hand had stopped bleeding, but he was out cold.

"Farlan! L-Lemme go! Lemme!" Isabel said, breaking away from his grip and running to Levi, falling into his embrace, clutching his shirt. "Isabel..?" Levi asked, his arms wrapping around her. He realized she was crying, her frame shaking against his chest.

"Hey, where's the prideful idiot I know? C'mon, stop that," Levi said gently, cupping her face and rubbing away her tears with his thumbs.

"I.. Thank you, Levi.. I'll make it up to y-you, aniki, I promise!" Isabel said firmly, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, gently releasing Levi from her death grip. She looked away with a blush- causing Levi to raise an eyebrow.

"S-Sorry 'fer grabbing you.." she murmured, looking down.

Levi glanced up at Farlan, who had a snide expression, then back down at Isabel.

"You know you're an idiot," Levi said finally, pulling her back into his embrace and kissing the top of her head.

"C'mon. We've got to train before we head to the surface.. because you desperately need a new deodorant," Levi grinned, ruffling Isabel's hair.

"H-Hey! S'not my fault! How do you always smell so good?!" Isabel retorted.

"There's this new thing called bathing. There's a pipe in the wall in the third room that'll reach above your head. Try it some time," Levi grinned.

"Ah, shut up, who needs baths anyways? Farlan doesn't take 'em," she grinned, looking over at the taller blond.

"Screw the both of ya'," Farlan muttered, causing the other two to laugh.

"Alright, enough dickin' around. Get to training, dumbasses," Levi said with a grin. "I gotta take care of Kitty cat over there," he said, gesturing to Kitts' unconscious frame.

"What will you do with him?" Farlan asked.

"Easy. I'm sending him up to the surface in a wheelbarrow. Now get training before I make the both of you scrub the walls again."

"Yeah, yeah," Farlan replied, walking into the training room, Isabel close behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

x(present:eren'sPOV)x

"Soon after that, the three of them were caught by us," Erwin said slowly, leaning over the desk he sat in to glance at my surprised expression.

"So.. he was defending Isabel?" I asked, threading the story together in my head. Everything was beginning to make sense now.. but I wasn't sure on why Levi was so secretive. There had to be something else.

"Yes, he was. In fact, he was protecting her because he loved her," Erwin said lightly.

My heart began to speed up. "He.. loved her?" I asked numbly.

"Yes. Ackerman was in love with Isabel Magnolia. She was the only one he'd ever loved, to my knowledge, until you came along," he replied.

"B-But.." I trailed off. 'So.. he's Bi? I'd assumed he was only into men.. not that it matters.. but..' I thought to myself.

Erwin paused, looking intently at my eyes, making me feel a little on display. He glanced over at Hanji with a slight, longing smile. "You see it too, don't you, Zoe?" he asked.

Hanji furrowed her brows for a moment before opening her eyes wide. "Eren, look at me," Hanji said urgently. Confused, I turned to face her; she gasped, covering her mouth.

"He's.. he's got her eyes," she whispered.

"Indeed he does," Erwin said.

"I do?" I asked numbly, looking down.

"Don't take it the wrong way. Ackerman isn't sentimental; he's not clinging onto you because you've got the same color eyes as his old friend. I strongly suspect that he does indeed care for you.. however, it is peculiar that you have that color. I've never seen eyes like that on anyone but you and her," Erwin assured me, making me feel a little better.

"Oh.. okay.. but, wait.." I began.

"Yes?" Erwin asked quizzically.

"Levi told me that there's something he can't tell me.. something that would put me in danger," I said hesitantly.

For a second, I thought I saw fear in Erwin's eyes- but it disappeared as soon as it came, making me think I hadn't seen it at all.

"Eren, I belive I know what he's referring to.. but neither Hanji or I can tell you," he said apologetically.

"W-Why?" I said, my heart sinking.

"Unfortunately, we're sworn to secrecy. All I can say at the moment is that Levi is the only one who can tell that to you. I have told you everything I can," Erwin sighed. I looked at Hanji; her eyes were downcast.

I sighed- I guess I would have to find out from Levi. At least I knew now that he wasn't lying about anything- I can go to London in peace now.

"One more thing," I said. "Well, actually, two more things," I repeated.

"Hm?" Erwin asked.

"One.. where's the policeman's ball? Aren't you going..?" I asked.

"It's at the Dartmouth House. I am going.. but I figured that I would wait until after our meeting. I was supposed to depart this morning. The ball isn't for another few days, anyhow," he said.

"Oh.. alright. It's alright if I come, right?.. Levi invited me.. but I have to make things right with him. I have to.. I-I can't lose him," I began to ramble, tears unwillingly springing to my eyes.

"Relax, Eren. It's perfectly alright if you come. Levi will forgive you.. it may take time, but he will forgive you," he said.

"O-Okay.. and.. just one more.." I said slowly, Erwin looking at me expectedly.

"I-Isabel.. and Farlan.. where are they?" I asked, avoiding Erwin's glance.

I heard him sigh. There was a long pause before he continued:

"Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church died 14 years ago," he said flatly.

I couldn't help but gasp, looking up to meet Erwin's eyes; they were staring at a picture frame that sat on his desk with a slightly bitter, mostly guilty expression.

"Here," Erwin murmured, turning the picture frame so I could see:

A beautiful girl with choppy red hair and oceanic eyes that mirrored mine had her arm around a much younger Levi. Levi had his arm slung across a taller, smiling, blond man's shoulder.

"She looks gorgeous," I said softly. It was true; her smile was so beautiful and carefree. I could see why Levi fell in love with a girl like that.

"She was exceptionally beautiful, but she was also incredibly strong willed, determined and powerful. When we took the three of them in, it was clear that Isabel was the best at drawing out their will to fight. When they worked on cases, the three proved unstoppable," Erwin said, his eyes drifting.

I bit my lip, looking down at the desk. If they died 14 years ago.. that meant Isabel was only 20 when she died. I shuddered; she was only a year older than me.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said finally, turning to both him and Hanji.

"Thank you for your apology, however, it is unnecessary. Isabel and Farlan did not die in vain- and that was the best I could hope for.. now, Eren, I believe you should book a flight for tonight if you want to meet Levi by tomorrow morning," Erwin said slyly, taking a piece of paper from a desk drawer and sliding it across the desk to me.

"This is the address of Levi's room. I wouldn't be surprised if you found him at a neighboring bar, however. He tends to drink away his feelings," Erwin sighed.

I glanced down at the paper: _James Street II, Mayfair, London._

"You're joking! He's staying in _Mayfair?!"_ I asked, awed.

Erwin chuckled. "Only the finest for Europe's finest Detective," he smiled.

I looked up at Erwin, down at the paper, over at Hanji, and back down at the paper again before standing quickly and reaching my hand out to shake with Erwin.

"Thank you for everything, Sir.. I really have to go, if I want to book a flight-" I said hurriedly. Erwin shook my hand, and I reached over to shake Hanji's-

She'd whipped out a tape measure and stuck the tab under my foot, standing on her tip toes to measure my height. "Handshake later. Height now. What size shoe do you wear?" she asked.

"U-Um.. a men's 11?" I asked, trying to avoid her peering eyes.

"Ah! You know what they say about men with big feet, right? Very well endow-" she began.

"AHEM!" Erwin coughed, stepping from around the desk. "How many centimeters is he, Zoe?" he asked, looking at my blushing face apologetically.

_'She did not just reference my penis,'_ I thought hurriedly.

"187.96 CENTIMETERS!" She declared, retracting the measure. "Wow, you're tall! I wonder if I could get a blood sample.." she began.

"Let me show you the exit," Erwin said hurriedly, leading me towards the door, which I was thankful for.

"Oh, c'mon, Erwin! You're such a stickler! Just one teensy, weensy little sample?" She pleaded.

"No. Eren, if you go down the elevator, you should be alright finding the exit on your own," he said, leading me out of the heavy metal doors.

"At least a tissue sample! Or a pressure point examination?! Eren, you said you _didn't_ or _did_ take protein supplements?! Do you mind if I test his muscular endur-" she prattered.

"Absolutely not, Hanji. Remind me to put a halt on your caffeine allowance. Goodbye, Eren! Good luck with Ackerman, I'll see you at the ball!" Erwin sighed, leading me to the elevator and waving once I stepped in.

"Um, bye.." I said awkwardly, Hanji whining and trying to get into the lift.

"C'mmmooon, Erwin! Just let me take a tiny bit of him- Oh, goodbye Eren! Don't worry, we'll test you la-"

"Thank God," I gasped, the door finally shutting, leaving me to lean against the wall, sighing in gratitude.

Once the lift began its descent down, I was able to think clearly. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to Levi.. but I wanted it to be real, not rehearsed.. I had to make this right for him. I had to make everything alright again.. I'm never letting him get away.

'Love Eternal,' I thought to myself.

I imagined holding him in my arms; smelling the way his clothes always had the faint scent of the breath of cigarettes.. running my hand through his hair..

I longed for it. I longed for the way I felt so calm and silent when he was with me; I longed for the times when we didn't have to talk to each other to understand what we wanted to say. I longed for his scent, his touch, his kiss, his breath; I longed for the man I was so irrevocably in love with.

"I'm almost there. Try to hold on for me, darling, because I'm nearly there. As soon as I reach you, I promise I'll grab onto you and hold you until the sun dies and the night swallows the earth.."

"Because the tears that I cried last night are the tears of someone who feels.

Someone who feels for you.

Those were the marks of one who regrets."

　

~~

x ( "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." -Epicurus ) x

~~

 


	7. Once a Lover, Always a Fighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHHHHHHHHHKAY.  
> Hello. Sorry about the wait; I've been sick. Double pneumonia, guys, can you believe it?  
> I promise promise promise to update sooner now. I'm doing my best, please understand :c  
> anyways, this chapter meant something to me on a personal level. I've been in a kind of situation where a "significant other" (boo that sounds official ._. ) says something that they didn't mean, and vice versa. I kind of modeled my fic's relationship around some experiences I've been through with this girl- we say one thing, mean the opposite, mentally scar and ultimately heal.   
> Wow, clicheeeeee. Welcome to persistent teenage love.   
> Anyways, hope you all enjoy~! 
> 
> ~  
> p.s. shoutout to my superwoman. You have my heart.. always.  
> -MW

It took a lot of effort, but I was able to buy a ticket for 6pm that night. As far as Titus goes, Marco and Jean were able to take him in for the week without much of an issue: Jean seemed pissy, as always, but Marco convinced him that it would be okay. Jean took care to remind me to bring my pills, which made me ask him, "Why are you even caring, Kirschtein?"

He actually smiled, before replying, "You may be a suicidal, overworking prick, but you're still a friend."

After I had dropped Titus off, I ran to my apartment, grabbing the luggage that I'd packed earlier, making sure I put in both of my pill bottles. Looking down and running my fingers through my hair, I realized that I hadn't slept properly in over 24 hours. I pulled out my phone and glanced into the front camera- _cringe._

My eyes were bloodshot and ringed with bags, my hair was an unkempt mess, and I wanted nothing more than to crash on my couch and sleep.

_'Nice try, Jager, you aren't sleeping. Get yourself together and keep going. Levi needs you,'_ I reprimanded myself.

Running around the aparment, grabbing other things I needed, I happened across Levi's gift- the sparrow necklace, sitting in the box. I gulped, gingerly taking it out of the box and clasping it around my neck. It felt cold on my skin, pulling memories of Levi's frigid fingers around my neck when we danced.I sighed as I turned the flat charm back and forth in my fingers, letting the cold lonliness drape over me like a thick cloud.

I realized a lot of things over that past 24 hours- but what I learned most was that I needed to think before I spoke. I needed to think before I acted- a skill that I never quite grasped growing up. My mother always called me impulsive, and so did Mikasa- damn, were they right. I might've lost Levi forever. He might not ever want to forgive me. He might even hate me now, but what the hell am I to do? I can't let him slip away again without fighting for him.. I never wanted to lose him. Never again.

Pulling out of my Socratic day dream, I drank a bit of water, making me feel a little better. Walking to the bathroom and looking in the mirror, I cringed again; I looked even worse than I did 3 minutes ago. Gingerly separating knots with my figners, I attempted to comb out my hair. It didn't sit right, which only made me angry, but I knew better than to mess with it even more.

"Okay, okay," I said to myself, exhaling deeply. I twisted my back, feeling it tense and crack, before checking my apartment for anything I'd missed, going through a mental checklist.

I patted my pockets, making sure I had my phone, when I realized that I needed to call Armin. I couldn't call Mikasa again; she'd come home, rip out my throat, and chain me to a chair so I couldn't leave. Armin was my last hope.. well, not really. I'd be leaving even if neither of them wanted me to. I figured it'd be a lot easier if did end up getting at least _someone's_ approval.

Pulling out my phone, I dialed his number, waiting impatiently as the dial tone rang.

"Hello?" Armin said with a yawn.

"Yeah, hey, coconut head. It's me," I replied.

"Oh, hey Eren! How are you?" he said.

"Uh.. is Mikasa there?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh, no. She's out to dinner with her _boyfriend,_ " he said with a sigh.

"Ew, he met her there? Does he still have that horrible chin strap? If he touches her, I'm ripping him to shreds, just so you know," I said scornfully.

"First of all, yes, he still has the chin strap, and it looks even more horrible than last time. Secondly, Relax, she's 19, she can handle herself.. just like you can, Eren. I heard her conversation about.." he trailed.

"Levi. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm here to talk about.. listen, I'm going to London to meet him," I mumbled.

There was a slight pause. "Really?" he asked.

I bit my lip. "Yeah.. listen, I know it seems bad, but-"

"It sounds great, Eren, what are you saying? Mikasa's got that hardcore maternal instinct; she's on Protect Eren duty 24/7. She's probably wrong about.. what's his name again?"

"Levi. Levi Ackerman."

"Mystery man sounds cooler. Anyways, what does it matter what she thinks? You don't like her boyfriend, but she still goes out with him. What's different about you and whatshisface?You haven't been properly happy in a long time, and if mystery man makes you happy.. well, then I've got no issue. I won't tell Mikasa, I promise," he said with a laugh.

It's moments like this that make me so glad that I have a best friend like Armin to understand this stuff. He's gotten me out of more situations than I can remember- extremely painful, well intended deaths by Mikasa included.

"I owe you one, Blondie. I gotta catch my flight, alright? I'll text you when I'm there, I promise," I said, grabbing onto my luggage and making for the door.

"Yeah, yeah. Make sure you bring back juicy details of his phallus," he laughed.

"Absolutely not. Bye, Armin."

"See you! Don't let him poke holes in your condoms."

"What does it even matter? It's not like I've got a uterus."

"It's the principle, Eren. It's the principle."

~~

It took me a few minutes to get to Berlin to catch the plane. I left my car in a secluded corner of the garage; like _hell_ was I about to come back to a dented or keyed car. I'd sooner drag my face through hot coals.

I boarded the plane, sitting directly in the front. I paid extra for first class just to make the process quicker; the longer it took to get to him, the harder it would be for him to forgive me, and I didn't want that. I really didn't want that.

Once the plane took off, I began the longest 75 minute flight of my life. I was constantly playing with the necklace that he gave me, or rereading the letter.

"I'll fight for the both of us, forever." 

That line that he wrote stuck with me. I replayed it over and over in my head, in different pitches and tones, reading it in his voice, then in mine.

He made me whole. I knew that now. I knew that I was falling for him; I was descending much too fast to turn back now.. but was there ever? Would there ever be?

Even if leaving someday seems like the easy way out.. I won't give up on him. I won't give up on us, not now, not ever.

I'll never leave, because when I gave him my heart..

I gave him my all.

~~

I was deep in thought, almost asleep, when a light voice called from the cabin:

"Good evening, this is your captian speaking. I hope you've enjoyed your flight. We will be touching down in approximately 7 minutes. The current time is 7:21 pm. Welcome to London."

I snapped awake, my hands suddenly starting to perspire. _'Dear God almighty, I'm about to faint,'_ I thought to myself disdainfully. I wiped my hands on my jeans, running my fingers through my hair, shifting impatiently in my seat and trying to not jump out of my skin as we landed.

　

~~

Once the plane touched down, I ran to the exit, barreling through the airport, snatching my things from luggage claim and hailing a taxi all within the span of 12 minutes- 11 minutes too long, to be honest.

My taxi driver had a smile with about 3 teeth, clear blue eyes, and a balding head.

"Um.. I need to get to James Street, in Mayfair.. right at the top of the street would be fine," I said politely, offering a weak, tired smile.

"Mayfair, eh?" he said, his accent thick and reeking of cigarettes. "Who're you, bein' able to afford a place on James street?"

I felt not only annoyed by his comment, but impatient by his lack of urgency.

"I'm a German dancer. Look up Eren Jager in your spare time," I said uneasily.

The driver cackled and pulled into the street. "Jus a question. It'll be about 30 minutes.. let's see, 35 euros sound alright to ya?"

I thought for a moment.

"If you can make it there in 25, I'll pay you 50."

~~

"Thank you very much sir," I said woosily, my stomach spinning from his high speeds. "Here, just.. just take it," I said, handing him a 50 euro note.

"Thank you, Mr. Gayer, have a nice night," he grinned, a yellow-toothed smile on his face. He reached out and grabbed my hand much too hard, shaking it firmly.

"I'll be sure to watch you dance.. the young ones are always enthralling," he cackled, releasing my hand and waving before speeding away.

_'Gayer?!'_ I thought.

_'And I just gave him 50 euros,'_ I thought to myself with a sigh. I grabbed hold of my luggage and began to walk down the street in the direction Levi's hotel was in. A familiar heavy feeling in the air made me feel dread: soon enough, it began to rain. I didn't have an umbrella, so I just walked through the rain as best I could, my shoes becoming soaked, my shirt sticking to my skin.

The rain pounded on the ground, a small hint of thunder in the air as I sighed, tugging at my hair with my free hand.

"I hate everything," I sighed to myself, tears springing to my eyes. Deciding not to put myself through any more torture, I sat on the doorstep of a skeevy-looking building with a thin canopy.

"He'll never forgive me," I said quietly, the tears soon rising and spilling down my cheeks.

_'I failed. I didn't get to him. I ruined everything,'_ I thought to myself, hugging my shoulders and whimpering incoherently. The street was busy, but no one paid mind to me. I wiped at my eyes stubbornly, trying my hardest to contain myself. My body racked with silent sobs as I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my forehead down on them, ignoring the vicious stares of the passerbys.

The sound of the rain was beginning to dull as I heard a pair of voices from the street across from me:

"Oh yeah? You talk big for such a small guy," a deep voice slurred.

"You speak so ineloquently for a man with such a large head. I wonder, do you even have a brain? Or is there just a mouse running on a wheel with a piece of cheese in front of it?" a sarcastic, smooth, wonderfully familar voice snapped.

Levi.

I shot to my feet, looking across the street, peering over the heads of the pedestrians:

Two men stood in front of a bar; one very tall and menacing, the other shorter, colder, with a cleanly styled undercut.

Levi. My love.

"I'm leavin', you damned sadist," the larger man muttered. "You're insane."

"Oh, thank you. Have a nice day, you poorly educated swine," Levi replied as the other shook his head, walking away.

My lover wore a dark blue suit jacket with a white shirt and a black tie. His shirt was slightly see through, due to the rain, making my heart beat impossibly faster. I couldn't see him clearly, but I knew it was him by the way he pulled out his cigarettes and flicked his lighter, shielding the tiny flame from the rain as he lit up.

Levi. Oh, my dearest Levi.

I stared at him for a while longer, my heart speeding, my hands shaking, my eyes filling with tears yet again. I drank in the sight of him, standing in the rain and puffing on his cig- it soon went out, him cursing and throwing it in an ashtray near the bar's door. He looked up towards the sky, the rain now dripping upon his pale face, his hair slick and sticking to his cheeks. He ran his fingers through it, shaking his head slightly, water droplets thrown from his hair. Soon, I saw him bgin to walk back inside, my heart seizing for real-

Never again are you ever leaving me.

"LEVI!" I screamed, leaving my luggage and running across the street, bursting through the crowd of people and narrowly avoiding passing cars. Levi turned around and looked at me with a shocked, desperate hopefulness, before his eyes widened, his jaw dropping slightly.

"L-Levi.." I whispered, stopping just short of him, staring into his eyes- he looked tired. He was returning my gaze as I covered my mouth with my hand, once again becoming intoxicated by him. As soon as we locked gazes, the buzzing in my head vanished, leaving me with an almost full silence- my mind concentrated and centered upon two words- two blissful, heart twisting words-

My love.

"You're not here," he murmured, searching my eyes with his. "I'm just a lot more drunk than I thought, and you're just my imagination."

"No.. no, I'm here, Levi.. s-see?" I whispered, gingerly reaching for his hand- he didn't pull it away as I placed his hand over my chest, letting him feel the racing of my heart. "I'm here.. I promise," I murmured, searching his face for assurance that he knew this was real. I looked for assurance that he knew I came for him- that he knew I wasn't leaving, that I'd never leave. I looked for an epiphany in him that what we had was much more than everything, much longer than forever- much broader than anything I'd ever known.

At first, his eyes seemed suspicious, as if this all really was a mirage- but soon they widened even more, the tears that I saw spilling down his face, causing my heart to surge and splinter.

"Eren," he whispered, his eyes locked on his hand pressed against my chest. He bit his lip as he reached up his other hand, clutching my shirt, as if I'd disintegrate if he didn't. "Eren," he repeated, sniffling as a small sob escaping his lips.

"I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry, I'm an.." I began, rushing through my words, trying to throw out every damned apology I could think of. "I'm an asshole. Really, Levi, I'm a prick. An insufferable, naive, immature and highly idiotic prick. I never knew about your friends.. I never knew what happened to Isabel, or Farlan.. I went and found out from Erwin.. b-but that's okay, you didn't have to tell me.. and I know there's more, but I don't even have to know if you don't want to tell me- dear God, I've missed you.. I missed you so much, L-Levi.. you're not a liar. You never were. You're not any of that.. Levi," I whimpered, my own tears falling as I rambled through my poorly threaded sentences.

Levi looked at me for a moment, his gaze unreadable, my heart beginning to sink.

_'He's not gonna forgive me.. I'm too late,'_ I thought, feeling despondent on levels I never thought possible.

"I'll forgive you on one condition, alright?" he said, looking up at me, tears still drizzling from his eyes.

_Oh, dear God, thank you._ "Anything. Anything and everything," I thought, my hands beginning to shake.

"..Just shut up and come here," he moaned, throwing his arms around my neck and collapsing into my arms.

I gasped, taking in his scent- sweet cologne and cigarettes. He was warm against me, his fingers cold, his breath hot. My eyes shut tightly as I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, winding my fingers in the silk of his hair, the rain still pouring around us. I remember it being cold.. but there, in that moment, I didn't feel anything but warmth as I clung to him as if my life depended on it- Looking back on it, I guess it really did.

My dearest. Oh, my dearest Levi.

I clutched onto him, as if he'd slip through my fingers, beginning to cry even harder as he broke into me.

"I'm here, darling, I'm here.. oh, Christ, Levi.. I'm here.." I whimpered repeatedly, one hand wrapping in his hair, the other still clutching his frame.

"You.. you came.. I told you not to, but you came.." he mumbled, still shaking with sobs.

"Of course I did.. I'll.. I'll never let you leave like that again.." I gasped, my fingers trembling as I gripped his hair.

"Eren.." he began, pulling away just enough to look up at me and tilt my chin towards him with his index finger.

"I'm so grateful," he said, a slight smile forming on his lips, his tears still sliding down his face.

_'I am too. I'm so grateful.. I promise I'll never hurt you. I'll hold onto you and dry your tears and kiss away your pain and.. darling, everything. I promise I'll do everything for you.. absolutely everything.. Levi, if loving you means falling apart, then I'm already in pieces, love.. I'm already in pieces. You'll never feel alone again. I'm right here, and I'll never leave; Love eternal, darling, love eternal..'_ My thoughts continued to race as I tried to pick out the right thing to say, my throat suddenly dry as I searched my lover's eyes. Those deep, endless indigo eyes that I might've shattered, but the eyes I swore to repair..

In that moment, all the feelings I'd ever felt with him came rushing towards me- the guilt, the anger, the desperation.. the happiness, the glee, the carelessness.. and there was something more, something I'd never said before to anyone but him.. something I'd never say to anyone else..

"I love you," I whispered, looking at him and shaking my head, a small grin appearing on my face.

He simply stared back at me, his jaw dropping even wider, his eyes widening and filling with more tears-

No, darling don't cry. Please don't cry. No more tears, no more.

"I love you, Levi Ackerman.." I mumbled, wiping his tears away with my thumbs, just like he did for me back then. "I love you.. I love you.. I love you.." I murmured, saying the words over and over again until they turned from words into only sound- a sound I would repeat till Heaven and Earth collided, if it meant making him stay.

Anything, for you to stay.

"Eren, you.. you'll be in so much danger," he said softly. "There's so many things that could go wrong."

"Shut up, would you?" I said, cupping his face with my hands, gentle frustration bubbling in my stomach. "I don't care! I don't care, I don't.. I don't give a shit, frankly. I don't mind being in danger if it meant being with you. I don't want to be anywhere else other than with you.." the tear filled words began to thicken with intensity.

"Okay? Do you get it?" I said, my voice trembling. "You'd better get it.. because I'm not leaving, Levi.. a-and I never will, so would you just-" I began, before he cut me off.

He pressed his lips against mine, standing on the tips of his toes, capturing the words that were right on my tongue and taking them into himself; locking them away, I hoped. Our tongues danced and our hands roamed and my heart was singing all the lovely things I needed to say and-

Dear God, I'm in love..

I sank into him, a blissfully familiar feeling, letting myself go as I felt myself become entangled in the odyssey that now belonged to the both of us.

To be fair, we might've just dropped clothes and become even more of a public oddity right there in the middle of the street, but people began to take pictures, which made Levi agitated.

Our lips parted only for a minute, allowing me to catch my breath and wipe my eyes. "We.. need a room.. don't we.." I gasped, searching his eyes for consent; I didn't have to search long.

"I have one.. go get your luggage- wait, no, don't let go of my hand. I'll go with you," he murmured with a slight bashful grin as we jogged to the other side of the street. I grabbed my suitcase as he led me down the packed boulevard with an unknown, mutual urgency.

"Levi-" I began hoarsely.

"I love you," he said, looking at me through the corner of his eye.

"I love you with every part of me, Eren. Every last bit of me is yours," he murmured.

My heart swelled as I smiled, feeling more cliche than I ever had, but for once, not caring about the novelty of my feeling-

For this was the thing I was always wating for..

The wonderful, cliched novelty of the three words, 'I Love You.'

 


	8. melodramatic author's note // sorry for bein' sappy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Extreme melodrama below.  
> this is NOT a chapter update.  
> this is explaining my absence, and a touch of my incessant rambling.  
> thank you for your time, and I am forever grateful.
> 
> (That sounded like a goodbye. I'm still gonna update. It's explained below. Wow, I'm making no sense today. My brain's somewhere else. Sorry. )

Hello.  
I'd like to start this out by saying I'm sorry. I promise, I'm not giving up on this fic. I'm not bored with it or struggling, I've just been dealing with a lot lately. Being sad and empty really puts a damper on writing.  
Y'know what sucks? When someone says "I love you" and you're not the only person they're saying it to. It sucks even more that I knew it was going to happen, because it's happened so many times before. What really GUTS me, though, is that I forgave. I forgave that person because I can't let go. I hate myself because I can't let go. I'm in college, I should be enjoying myself and studying and being happy, but instead I'm miserable.  
I'm miserable on levels I didn't think possible, because I never thought she'd do this again. I never thought she'd hurt me like this again. It's been 3 years on and off, and she's consistently crushed me. I told her it's fine, but it ain't. I'm a fool for believeing that she meant her apologies. I just can't get rid of her.  
Secondly, my sister recently got sick. She's fine now, I think it was a problem with her medicines, but she's perfectly fine today.  
I promise an update for Friday. I really do promise.

I'm sorry for being melodramatic, it's not like me. To be honest, I feel like an idiot for even writing this and I probably won't post it. I just wanted to get the word out that I'm sorry, and I haven't given up yet.

I'm sincerely sorry for not updating. I really am. I feel guilty. Please understand. 

I hope everyone who's been reading has been alright. I care for you all, more than you'll ever know. Hearts, from me. ♡

-MW


	9. I May be a Sinner- but for you, I'm Saintly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ello!  
> Sorry for the late update, I was in NYC on Friday. It was a splendid trip, if I do say so myself- however, I wasn't thrilled with the rain. It's better than snow, but it's still not my favorite weather event. Y'know?  
> Ah, I should say that this chapter is kind of a filler. I needed space between the chapter before and the chapter after this one, so do forgive me if it's uneventful.  
> BE WARNED; MENTIONS OF SELFHARM.  
> Not graphic depictions of anything of the sort; it shouldn't be triggering, but I figured I'd warn you anyways.  
> Also, I will be updating MUCH faster now. The feedback I got was very helpful and I'm excited for the next chapter.. the metaphorical shit's gonna hit the fan. B)  
> Enjoy, my loves! Love from me.  
> -MW

I always thought losing your virginity was supposed to be slow, awkward, embarrassing and highly uncomfortable. Perhaps even moderately painful. I expected to be unamused by the whole thing. I expected it to be nothing Earth shattering- just a normal, textbook, boring first time.

As you may have picked up, Levi Ackerman is by no means a textbook boyfriend.

I can't even describe it- wait, no. I bet I could, but I don't think I'd be able to do it justice. I can't really iterate to you how completely crazy this was.

To say my first time was good would be an understatement.

What made it good, I suppose, was that he didn't stop looking at me. He kept my eye contact- at least, I think he did. I had my eyes shut for a lot of it, but every time I opened them, he was there. Staring down at me with this awed, hazy expression, like the sight of me got him high.

Like all good things, though, they end. None too soon; I would've been fine after, say, two times. I would've been fine even after one.

Another reminder; Levi Ackerman is by no means a textbook boyfriend.

After coupling number 5 we were done. He was spent, I was spent, and I couldn't have been more satisfied; don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every bit of the moments we spent locked together like that, but if we kept going, I wouldn't be able to sit right for a week.

Once it was really done for the both of us, he just collapsed on me; I was too blissful to really care. We were sweaty and hot, our legs still tangled together, his face nestled against the crook of my neck. I was shaking slightly; not from pain, but from exhaustion. The hotel bed we lay in was now in disarray; the mattress was crooked, and the sheets were thrown in all directions, along with our clothes.

"Eren," he mumbled, his voice thick and his breath hot against me.

"Huh?" I responded, my chest still rising and falling heavier than usual.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked softly.

"Nope, but I'm sure I'll feel it tomorrow," I said, a smile forming on my lips.

"Did I make you happy?" he mumbled, raising up off of my chest to look at me. His face had a slight, curious glance to it with tired eyes that searched my face for an answer.

I laughed, putting my arms behind my head. "After all the noise I just made, you're asking me that?"

"I'm only being sure, brat," he said with an exasperated grin.

I smiled back, closing my eyes as I yawned slightly. I loved the warm "morning-after" feeling I was getting. To be completely honest, I was horribly nervous in the beginning. I didn't know what to do, what went where, how to move; but he brought me through it, showing me what was right, what was wrong; what was painful, and what was earth-shatteringly blissful.

"Hey.. Levi?" I asked, looking at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Hm?" he replied as he met my eyes.

"Was I good enough? I mean.. I'm new at almost everything we've done together. Did I make this good?" I asked, a pink blush dancing across my already flushed cheeks.

He looked at me incredulously, shaking his head with an open-mouthed smirk. "Eren Jager, you've got some serious self confidence issues. In case you didn't notice, you weren't the only one moaning up a storm. I'm sure the people in the neighboring rooms are delighted with us."

My blush intensified. "Thanks," I murmured. "Hey, where are you going?" I asked as he got up and stretched.

"Taking a shower. I feel gross. Care to join me?" He asked with a grin, extending his hand.

"Oh, I make you feel gross? Gee, I wonder why you decide to top, then," I laughed, taking his hand and getting to my feet. I felt sore and tired, my legs still shaky; but above all, I felt so content. He was back with me. Nothing else would ever matter.

"Yeah, well, you sweat a lot. Get in the shower. I do hope you know how to scrub yourself, kid."

"You're the epitome of overconfidence."

"I'm also the climax of sex appeal. Shower. Now."

~~

"Leeeevi," I groaned with a grin, trying and failing to push him away.

"Shut up and let yourself be kissed," He murmured, the spot below my ear.

I shuddered and wrapped my arms around him, enjoying the slippery feel of his soapy skin. the shower provided a steamy, thick atmosphere that was hard to breathe in; I wasn't complaining, though. The shivers that sparked down my spine from the gentle, butterfly kisses he placed on my neck made me feel so much more aware of myself. I was _alive_ under his touches. My thoughts weren't quite silent; they murmured sweet nothings as his tongue lit fire on my skin. I adored this. I adored his touch. I adored the hungry look in his eyes- Ah, the side effects of love. How sickening.

Truth be told, even though I was in love with the man, I wasn't quite in love with the bruises he'd leave on my neck from all the sucking. There were already about 3 forming; if this kept up, I'd be littered with the stains of them,

"I won't be able to cover all the marks," I whined, finally slipping away from him and smiling.

"Tch. You don't even know the proper term. I'm fairly sure I'm giving you hickeys, not bruises," he sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood under the stream of water, rinsing off his hair.

"I'm 19 and unexperienced. You, however, are probably the most risqué person in this hemisphere," I retorted with a grin.

"Not quite. Hurry up and get out, the water's boiling and I've got shit to do. Do you know the date?" he asked, yawning. "I should probably know that, but it's not the first thing on my mind."

"Uh.. I think.. the 31st?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "It's like 5am, so-"

"You're shitting me," he said, whipping around to look at me.

"Um, I'm fairly sure-" I began.

"For fuck's sake, we need to get out," he murmured, shutting off the water and stepping out, throwing me a towel.

"What's wrong with the 31st?" I asked, slightly confused as I toweled my hair.

"Everything's wrong with the 31st. What did you pack?" he asked from over his shoulder, throwing a towel around his waist and leaving the bathroom.

"Clothes and a toothbrush. Do you mind telling me what's up?" I asked, following him.

"Yeah. It's the damned policeman's ball. Did you bring a suit?" he asked, opening the closet across from the bed. 3 sets of his formal clothes hung neatly on hangers, and 2 pairs of dress shoes lay on the safe.

I cringed, remembering that I had; problem was, I hadn't worn it in years. It wouldn't fit.

"I did.. but I think it'll be too small," I said apologetically.

He groaned and closed the closet. "Am I seriously going to have to buy you a suit? What are you, Jager, 5 years old?"

"I might as well be," I grumbled. "I'm sorry I didn't pack better."

"Don't worry about it. Just get dressed in something comfortable. We're gonna have to go eat something and buy you respectable clothes. I can't have you walking in the Dartmouth house looking like a cheap hooker," he said, opening up his suitcase & throwing on a dark grey sweater.

"Fuck you, I never look like a cheap hooker," I whined.

"I beg to differ. Your style is a combination of 2008 Britney Spears and a dimwitted 'I-Think-I'm-Emo-Cause-I-Wear-Checkered-Ties-And-Shirts-With-Skulls' 12 year old from Myspace."

"Why do you consistently compare me to Myspace users? I haven't ever even HAD a Myspace."

"Oh, yeah, I bet. There's not a way in hell you weren't addicted to Myspace."

"You have so much faith in me, don't you."

"My faith is obviously overwhelming. Now get dressed. I hope you brought a scarf, because the hickeys are becoming visible.

My hands instinctively covered my neck. "I hate you," I whined.

"You were singing a different tune just an hour ago. Should I recap our events?" he said, glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

"Screw off," I said with a grin.

"Put on some damned pants, you halfwit," he smiled.

"Oh, do you not enjoy the view?" I laughed, proudly standing with my hands on my hips, a wide smile on my face.

"If you don't hide that thing in two seconds, I'm gonna come over there and put it out of commission for the next week. _Put. On. Some. Damned. PANTS,_ " he groaned.

"Oh, fuck off," I said with a pout. I threw on some boxers and a pair of jeans and looked around in my suitcase for a shirt.

"Wipe the sorry look off your face. Dear Lord, you're such a travesty," He chuckled lightly, and stretched his arms out above his head. For a minute, I looked away, but a flash of red caught my eye; I looked again, and my heart seized.

I could see the scars that littered his forearm were slightly pink- maybe from the shower- and there were a few newer, puffy red lines at the base of his wrist.

"I'm hoping that we'll be able to leave in 12 minutes. 13 and a half tops," Levi murmured, without noticing my empty stare at his arm, which was soon covered by the sweater sleeve as he bent over to put on some pants.

"Levi," I said, my heart feeling hot with guilt.

"Get dressed, brat," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Levi," I repeated.

"Yes, that's my name, now get dressed," he said, finally looking up at me. "What's making you so s-" he began, but I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around him gently, pressing his face against my chest.

"What have you done," I said almost inaudibly, gently taking his arm into my hands and tugging at his sleeve.

"No, don't. Eren, let go-" he said nervously, attempting to turn away.

"Don't hide from me. Please, don't hide. Don't hide anymore," I murmured, my hold on his arm firm but gentle.

"Eren, please- It's nothing. It never was. I'm fine, let me go," he snapped, as I pulled him closer to me.

"Please show me," I murmured into his ear, one of my arms wrapped around his back, my hand on his shoulder.

"I don't-.. It's.. fuck, it's fine, I told you-" he began, as my chest tightened; it was wrong of me to push him. I couldn't do that anymore, not if it made him uncomfortable. He never made me do things he didn't want.. I had to pay him the same respect.

"I don't have to see," I said quickly, holding him close and putting his arm down.

I heard him sigh in relief. Good sign.

"Just.. let me kiss them?" I asked in a small voice.

He tensed again. "What?"

_Shit. How creepy do I sound._ "I don't have to look," I said quickly. "I'll close my eyes. I won't open them until you're covered. Just.. just let me kiss them better."

He paused, looking up at me with an amused look in my eyes. "I'm a 35 year old man, and you want to kiss my boo-boos."

_Indict me into the Guiness World Records for being the only person to ever die from embarrassment._ "I-.. Fuck it. Yes, I want to kiss your boo-boos. I want to make it better. Please," I sighed, cupping his face.

"You know, your persistence is both assuring and annoying," he murmured.

"Persistence is my specialty," I said with a small grin.

He sighed, apparently thinking; another good sign. He bit his lip gently as he looked back up at me with his answer; "Whatever. Just don't look, alright? I don't need you seeing anything you don't need to. You're still a kid."

"I'm not a kid. I can handle this," I whined with a smile, taking his arm once again and looking away once I pulled up his sleeve.

"Eren," he murmured.

I looked over at him expectantly.

"Close your eyes," he said.

I nodded, closing my eyes and bringing his arm to my lips. I hesitated; what if I hurt him? I really didn't want to hurt him..

But I had to make this better. I wanted to help him.. and if kissing his scars make this better, I would. Leaning down, I pressed light, gentle kisses starting from the base of his wrist up to his elbow. Making sure not to press hard (I didn't want to hurt him if his cuts were sensitive), I drew out my kisses, doubling back a few times and making sure his entire forearm was covered, right until the crook of his elbow. Pressing one final kiss on his skin, I drew away and pulled his sleeve down, opening my eyes.

He was looking at me with a sad expression, cupping my cheek in his hand.

There was a long pause as he searched my eyes with his. We stood there for maybe a full minute, soaking in the warmth we gave each other.

"I love you," he said finally, his voice thick, but steady.

"I love you too, you damned masochist," I murmured, hooking my fingers in his belt loops.

He smiled softly and looked up at me, gently pulling away. "I need to dry my hair. Now get a shirt on, okay?"

"Yeah.. wait, one more thing?" I said, as he turned around to look at me.

"Hm?"

"..I don't love you any less because of those damned marks, okay? It doesn't put a damper on my affection for you. I.. I won't ask you not to do it again, because it'd be shitty to put that much pressure on you.. but I do want you to know I'm here now. I'll stay here forever. Don't you ever forget how much I love you. Don't you ever forget that I'm here for you if you need me," I said shyly.

He was expressionless for a second, before showing a wide grin, his eyes soft.

"You're so fucking adorable that it's almost vile. Hurry up and get dressed before I lose my cool and fuck you silly. We've got shit to do," he grinned.

I laughed and put my hands up in surrender, throwing on a shirt.

"Are you going to answer me, Jager, or do I need to reiterate?"

"Nope, you're crystal clear, sir."

"I can't hear you over the sound of my pride. Repeat yourself."

"YOU ARE CRYSTAL CLEAR, SIR. CODE 4, OR WHATEVER."

"Code 4 means you need help. I believe you meant 10-4; however, you are in desperate need of a psychiatric evaluation."

"Gee, thanks. 10-4, fuckface."

"Affirmative, private dickcheese."

~~

 

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

 


	10. I Needed Your Forever; All You Gave Me Was A Moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! ^_^ I hope everyone's doing well...  
> because I'm not.  
> I just finished rough drafting the entirety of this story, and the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on while doing it exhausted me.  
> Other than that, I'm peachy. I hope you're all peachy, too. ^_^  
> Because the drafts are done and all that needs to be done is revising, I'll be updating twice a week now.. I hope. Obviously, that doesn't happen all the time.. but it's my goal! I'm tryingggg.
> 
> ***WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS NOT ENTIRELY HAPPY AND THE ENDING HAPPENS REALLY FAST SO STAY WITH IT, AND IT'S NOT 'SCARY' BUT IT'S NOT BUBBLEGUM HAPPY ANYMORE SO IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO SUBJECTS SUCH AS PISTOL WHIPPING ACROSS THE HEAD THEN PLEASE DON'T READ***
> 
> This chapter is also formatted a tad weird; towards the end, you'll see some text in italics, and some in italics and bold. They're both Eren's thoughts, but the italicized and bolded text is his *coherent* thought.. you'll figure it out, I swear. ;_; 
> 
> BTW, THE SNK OVA IS COMING OUT ON APRIL 2ND, YES? HVSVHLKDHVV I've already read No Regrets so I know what happens, but I'm so not sure I want to see that animated. I'm going to bawl like a child.
> 
> Okay, enjoy the chapter guys.. if you can. I'm sowwie. ;_;  
> Love always from me!  
> ~MW

 

~~

“How does this one look?” I said, throwing back the curtain and showing Levi the 6th suit I’d tried on in the past hour. The suit had a creamy colored jacket and pants, topped with a dark colored pair of pants. I didn’t have a tie on: I didn’t know how to tie one on myself.

“No. You look like a creepy Italian grandfather who may or may not have pedophilic interests. Take it off,” he said dryly, leaning against the wall before the dressing room.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, did you really need to tie in that bit about pedophilia?” I whined, stepping back into my dressing room and unbuttoning my jacket.

“Absolutely. Do you need another option?” He asked.

“No, I’ve got three other sets in here, thanks,” I sighed.

The whole idea of him buying me a suit freaked me out- I didn’t have the money to pay for something like that, and I wasn’t too keen on letting Levi buy me something so expensive.

But of course, Levi didn’t care about my wants. He took me instead to Brooks Brothers, a clothing store for people who could afford to wipe their asses with 100 dollar bills for all eternity. Everything in the store was way over any amount I would let myself spend on clothes- but, as earlier stated, Levi doesn’t care about my own frugality.

After trying on the other suits that I’d had hanging in the dressing room, without a single one reaching Levi’s expectations, I was beginning to get the idea that suits just didn’t compliment me.

“Do you think going in a dress would be simpler?” I groaned through the door, hanging up the latest unsuccessful jacket.

“You don’t have anywhere near the bosom needed to pull off a dress. Let me pick one out for you,” he chuckled.

“Don’t make fun of my chest. I’m _developing,_ ” I giggled.

“Breasts stop developing at the age of 18. You’re not developing anything but old age. Let me pick one out.”

“It’s actually not surprising that you know the biology of women’s breasts.”

“I actually attended university and took biology. Are you going to let me pick one out or not? We don’t have time for this, the ball is at 9.”

“It’s only 11 in the morning, relax. That’s, like, 13 hours.”

“Your math skills are a reflection of your lack of higher education. I’m going to pick out a suit.”

“Thanks.”

Sighing, I looked in the dressing room mirror. My hair was still eternally messy, and my eyes had a small hint of dark bags ringing them. Looking closer, I could see that my face had a sun-shiney glow to it, and it confused me for a moment, until I realized what it was.

“Afterglow,” I murmured with a proud swell in my chest.

I had heard about afterglow from Sasha during one of our dance practices. Apparently, it’s this healthy expression you get on your face after sex.

_‘Congrats, Jager, you’ve lost your virginity... the last out of all your friends,’_ I thought crudely.

Just as I was about to take a selfie and post it all over Armin’s Facebook with a link to that horrible Lonely Island song, Levi knocked on my door.

“Delivery,” I heard him yawn.

“Lovely,” I groaned, opening the door and taking the suit from him, nearly fainting in the process- it looked like it cost much too much money for me to accept.

“Okay, put it on. I need to see it when you’re done. There’s a tie on the hanger,” he said, before shutting the door.

“Oh, uh.. well, thanks, I’ll be out in a minute,” I said hurriedly- not a chance in hell was I letting Levi know I couldn’t tie a tie. I’d figure it out.

Stripping down once again, I put on the shirt, vest, pants and jacket. The jacket and pants were an olive green-ish color. The shirt was white and much too stiff for my tastes, the vest a dark brown shade.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at the hanger and took off the navy blue tie. Wrapping it around my neck, I fumbled with it for a while; no grand revelation came to me.

I hadn’t the slightest clue on how this shit worked.

Eventually, I just tucked the ends of it into the vest, hoping it sat right.

“You done yet?” Levi called impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah, hold on!” I sighed, fixing my hair as best I could and stepping out of the dressing room.

Levi looked me over once before whistling in a low tone. “I’m gonna have to fight to keep all the ladies away,” he said, before looking up at me with a sly grin. “You look amazing.”

A warm blush rose to my cheeks. “Thanks. I’ll have to fight to keep them off of you, too.”

“Tch. I’m not that hot of a commodity. What’s up with the tie?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, uh.. it was too short to tie,” I said quickly.

He raised his eyebrow further.

_‘What kind of shit excuse was that?!’_ I thought exasperatedly.

“You don’t know how to tie a tie, do you?” he said, a grin spreading across his face.

“What? No, of course I do! Pfft, everyone knows how to tie them. I am the MASTER at tying ties,” I laughed nervously.

_I have dug myself into a crater._

“Oh? Then why isn’t it tied?” he said, biting back laughter.

“B-Because.. this is, uh.. this is a new style in.. New Zealand? Yeah! It’s called the.. the, uhm, the ‘loose-and-lazy,’” I said.

_SMITETH ME, O LORD. DELIVER ME FROM THIS TORTURE._

“Yeah, you have no idea,” he sighed, chuckling slightly as he stood and came over to me, tugging the ends out of my vest.

“Shut up,” I grumbled, blushing hotly.

“You’re really a horrible liar. It’s written all over your face when you do,” he murmured, straightening my tie and beginning to tie it.

“Not my fault I’m honest,” I muttered.

“Lying is a valuable skill. It’s only a sin if you use it incorrectly,” he said, tightening the knot on my neck.

I glanced at him. “You really think so?”

He looked at me with a smile. “I don’t know. I might be lying.”

“Piss off,” I groaned, looking down at him and taking his hands in mine.

“Do you like this one?” he said, looking down at my clothes, then back up at me.

“Yeah. I enjoy it. It’s hot, but I like it.”

“Oh, cry me a river. You’ll survive. Take it off so I can buy it,” He murmured.

“Fuck you. How much is it?” I said.

“Six hundred Euros,” he said lightly, as if he was talking about the weather.

“You’re not buying this for me,” I said hurriedly, retreating to the dressing room.

“Yes, I am. Take it off.”

“Why do you do these things for me?”

“One day, when you love someone the way I love you, you’ll understand. Now, shut up and get dressed, I’ve got shit to do, and no amount of love is gonna make my patience grow.”

 ~~

The rest of our day before the ball was entirely uneventful. We ended up going out to eat at some café where all the waitresses wore the same clothes and the room smelled faintly of stale sex and tomato sauce. After going back to the hotel and getting dressed, Levi tried to do my hair.

That fiasco went something like this-

“God, stop squirming. You’re so impatient,” Levi sighed, combing through the mess of knots atop my head.

“Ow- It’s not my fault, you’re yanking on it like a fucking dog’s leash,” I grumbled.

I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, him kneeling. He made me sit on a towel, since I was wearing my suit. As if I couldn’t handle myself. Sometimes, I get the idea that he thinks I’m 12, not 19.

“You’ll be grateful when it’s done,” he murmured, as he got a container filled with a sickening translucent yellow substance out from his bag.

“Oh, _hell_ no. That is not going in my hair,” I said, shying away from him.

“Sit _still.”_ He said, yanking me back in front of him and applying it to my hair. “It’s just putty, for Christ’s sake. You’ll be fine.”

“Doesn’t look like you use it,” I whined.

“I usually don’t, because my hair doesn’t look like chestnut-colored steel wool,” he murmured, giving my hair a final pat.

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome,” he sighed, getting to his feet and helping me up. “That’s the best I could do with your hair. I’m gonna grab my shoes, try to hurry up. I’ll be in the lobby,” he said, standing on his toes to press a kiss on my cheek before exiting.

“Alright,” I sighed, looking in the mirror and gasping-

I looked _presentable._ I don’t think you understand how much of a change that is. My hair was fluffed, but it still looked in order- I’d thank him for it later.

The door opened and closed; Levi had left.

Taking a moment to make what I thought was an attractive face at my reflection, I got on my shoes and left for the lobby.

~~

Levi had decided it would be a marvelous idea to not inform me that he was going to be getting a goddamn _escort_ to the ball. By escort, I mean two armored vehicles in front and back of another armored vehicle with the London Police insignia on it.

“Why the hell do we need an escort?” I hissed, taking his arm nervously.

“I’ve no idea. Apparently, I’m important,” he said flippantly, as a man in a dark suit came out of the center car, walking towards us.

“Detective Ackerman,” he said to Levi, saluting (which freaked me out even more, because since when was my shortstack such hot shit?). “Can you authenticate?” he asked.

Levi rolled his eyes and reached in his suit pocket, withdrawing a cigarette and lighting it. “Violet 5356,” he sighed, puffing his cig and blowing smoke.

“Thank you, sir. I shall escort you to the Dartmouth house presently,” Levi-Fanboy said.

“I should hope so, it’s cold as balls out here,” he murmured, walking towards the car with me in tow.

Once Fanboy (that’s what I’d resolved to call the dark-suited man) had opened and closed the back door behind us, I turned to him. “What the fuck is happening? Why are you being treated like a president?”

He glanced at me with a grin, putting his cig out in the ash tray on the center console in front of us.

“Well, to put it lightly- I’m nothing short of legend.”

“Dear God, you’re high-and-mighty.”

“You think so? I tend to think differently.”

Fanboy got in the front seat and began to drive towards the Dartmouth house, and at the same time, I stared in marvel at the man beside me- a man who was important enough for armored vehicles and escorts and fucking _authentication codes._

Out of all the beautiful people in the world he could’ve chosen to love, Levi fell for me.

I’m not gonna lie- that made me feel pretty damned good inside.

_‘I must have something going for me,’_ I thought pleasantly, as we rode through the dark London night.

~~

I had no idea how formal and boring policeman’s balls are.

About an hour into the ball, I was feeling my eyelids droop. We were sitting at a long table in the center of a formal room, filled with intricate architecture and didn’t look too tired; but we were constantly approached by different people, all associated with some branch of European police. People from Switzerland, France, Spain- policemen from all walks of life had all heard of Levi Ackerman.

Every single one of them were completely enthralled with him, which made me want to vomit.

One woman nearly burst into excited tears during conversation with him; I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

Eventually, I decided to get up and get a drink. “D’you want anything?” I asked Levi, getting to my feet.

He looked up from his conversation with a heavily accented Spanish woman with a dress that covered about as much of her as dental floss would and shook his head. “I’m alright. Go on, have fun,” he said with a smile.

I made my way over to the drink table, looking over the selections- the only thing that looked non-alcoholic was the water. It might’ve been vodka, but I didn’t know, so I poured myself some anyways. I was about to walk back when I was approached by a tall, blonde haired man, who looked extremely muscular.

“Are you Eren Jager?” he asked, in a deep voice.

I was taken aback. “Uh.. yes, I am. Who are you?”

He smiled a genuine looking smile. “I’m Reiner Braun. I work in the Swiss police force. I’ve heard about you through the grapevine.. it’s nice to meet you,” he said, reaching his hand out to shake.

I shook hands with him, smiling back. “Nice to meet you too, Mr. Braun,” I said awkwardly.

“You can call me Reiner, if it’s easier. What are you drinking?” he asked, looking down at my glass.

“Oh.. it looked like water, so, I figured I’d drink it,” I said slowly, an uneasy feeling arising in my stomach.

“That’s not water,” he chuckled. “That’s Everclear. 95% alcohol, you’ll be shitfaced before you down half of it. Here, I’ll get you something else,” he said, taking the drink from me.

“Uh.. I-I.. sure, I guess,” I murmured, feeling puzzled. Something about this guy didn’t make me feel at ease, and I didn’t like it. My gut was telling me to get Levi.. but what did I have to fear from a cop?

I decided it couldn’t be too bad. Reiner soon returned with a red drink, a cherry floating in the top.

“Shirley temple,” he said reassuringly.

“Ah, thanks,” I replied, taking a small sip- it tasted completely normal.

_‘See, you had nothing to fear,’_ I thought, taking another sip.

Reiner and I talked about nothing in particular, me still sipping periodically from the drink. Everything was going fine, but soon I began to feel.. different.

I felt like I wasn’t in the right state of mind- light headed, even. I felt myself start to sway a little, but Reiner steadied me.

“Are you alright, Eren?” he asked, but not in a reassuring way.

He asked it in a way that made me think of a hunter checking a deer for life; he didn’t want me to be alright.. something wasn’t right..

_The drink,_ I thought, my head becoming a haze.

“L-Levi.. I want..” I murmured, my knees beginning to give out. I felt myself slumping over Reiner’s arm.

“Don’t worry, my sweet,” he said darkly. “Levi will come for you.”

I felt myself being led away, but not having the strength to fight, I let my feet drag. I’m not sure I even had the energy to recognize what I felt- I was so tired..

Tired..

_I’ll just take a small nap._

_Levi will wake me in the morning._

_I just need a few moment’s rest._

**_No. I CAN’T let go. I'n going to die if I do._ **

The familiar chill of night air brushed across my skin- I was being led through a back door. My eyes were barely open, but I heard two voices- one female, another male.

“Is he dead? We need him alive,” the female said.

“Pipe down, Annie. Get him in the trunk. Bind his hands.” This voice belonged to Reiner.

“I don’t think he’s out. I can still see his eyes open,” Reiner warned.

A pause.

“Oh, really?” the woman who must’ve been Annie said.

I suddenly felt a hand grip my hair and yank my head back, throwing me into the back of a grey car.

“Time to sleep, Jager. It’s passed your bedtime,” she said coolly, zip-tying my hands and stuffing my mouth with a dirty cloth.

I whimpered slightly in protest, but I was so loopy, I’m not sure she even heard me.

_Just a moment’s rest.. I only need a few moments.._

**_I can't let go. I must stay awake. I need to run._ **

There was a moment of silence, until Annie brought out a small handgun- my eyes widened a little and I struggled a bit harder.

She laughed, the sound slithering through my ears like a snake.

Tilting my head back, she jammed the barrel under my chin, looking into my eyes with a cold expression.

“I’ll be the one to put this bullet in your skull.. but not tonight. Sleep sweet,” she murmured, suddenly withdrawing the gun from my chin and slamming the butt of it across my head-

**_I found myself letting go._ **


	11. The Enemy of My Enemy Isn't My Friend; He's My Accomplice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUKREGUKRECEWCE
> 
> Hello! I hope everyone is well. I'm doing dandy..  
> except I'm dying because the No Regrets OVA part 2 comes out next week & I'm just.. not ready to see all of that animated.  
> better pick out my feels coffin now. ;.;
> 
> Fair warning to y'all- this chapter is GRAPHIC. not graphic like smut graphic, but graphic like omg-blood-guts-guns-aah kind of graphic. And if that bothers you, don't read D: because no chapter is worth your mental stability. o3o it's also depicting what seems like an angry Levi (he's not really angry! except for part of it! he's mostly just territorial!)
> 
> okiedokie that about covers this note ;_;. uh, yeah, tis all.
> 
> OOOOOO YES WAIT ITS **LEVI POV** OFC BECAUSE WHY NOT
> 
> Also! I used police 10/11 scanner codes because my friend Italia is a police officer and she supplied me with these:
> 
> 10-4: good, understood, I get it.  
> 10-1: poor reception (sounds muffled or staticy)  
> 10-20/"What's your 20?": Location  
> 10-5: Suspect/Prisoner in custody
> 
> M'kay yeah that covers it! This chapter is also a tad short so BEAR WITH ME THE NEXT ONE SHALL BE LONGER <3
> 
> Enjoy!  
> -MW

**Levi POV**

I slammed my hand down on the white-covered table, multiple drinks spilling their contents as I did.

“What do you mean, he’s _gone?”_ I hissed.

My hands shook, my palms perspiring. My heart caught in my chest, almost becoming stationary as the news sunk into me.

_Eren is gone._

_My songbird is gone._

Smith looked at me with a hint of a half-assed apology. “He’s nowhere to be found, along with Braun and Leonhardt. I have reason to believe-“

“Those goddamn degenerates,” I snarled, getting to my feet and walking away hurriedly, my heartbeats beginning to speed.

“I’m leaving,” I said, grabbing my jacket and throwing it on. “I need a direction of travel. Get the security cameras. I need full footage within the next hour. Have Reiss interrogate anyone in the area. Do you have a car model?” My questions spewed from my mouth much too fast for him to have heard all of them- but I didn’t care.

My only care was finding him.

“Levi, wait. You must consider-“ Smith said calmly.

I whirled around, grabbing the commander by his starched, “Mr. Perfect” collar and pulled him down to my height with a jerk.

“Do me a favor,” I said darkly.

The entire room gasped, all noise evaporating as Smith and I stared at each other, my eyes murderous.

“Hear me well,” I began.

“I swore to that man nothing would ever touch him. I promised him safety. I promised him that I wouldn’t ever let anyone near him. I swore to myself I’d sooner die than let that promise be a lie. My job right now is to find Eren Jager and take him home. Your job right now is to get your goddamn head out of your ass and get Hanji and Mike on their trail as well. I _refuse_ to lose to them,” I finished.

He paused for a moment, before I loosened up, releasing his collar.

Straightening up, the commander looked at me emotionlessly, before sighing and running his hand through his hair.

“You can be quite off putting,” he said thoughtfully.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, did you even _hear_ me?!” I retorted.

“Yes, I did. They’ve already been notified. I meant to tell you to consider that my car will go much faster than any taxi you could hail.. my keys are in my jacket pocket,” he said slowly, the ghost of a sad smile spreading across his face.

_Oh, shit._

I kept my mouth shut, my brain coming up with words that didn’t translate into speech.

_Thank you. Thank you, Erwin. Thank you for helping me protect him. He’s all I have now. I need him back. I need my songbird back._

There’s tons of shit I’d enjoying telling Smith in this moment; all of them overly melodramatic and sappy.

Only two words could escape my lips as I nodded, taking a deep breath and steadying my shaking hands.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll have Hanji send all the details to your phone. They were driving a 2014 Escalade. They only could have gone two ways- west, or north. My personal bet is north,” he said, leaving his sentence for me to finish.

“Because west would bring him across the front of the building,” I said quickly. “Thank you, sir. I have to go, before I lose trail.”

“You might.. ah, I usually don’t condone this.. but you might need this,” Erwin said with a small grin. He reached around to the side of his belt, withdrawing his pistol and handing it to me.

My eyes should’ve ejected from my skull at this point, because this was _Erwin’s fucking pistol._ He polished it at least 8 times a day. It was his baby.

I didn’t even notice, though.

“Thanks,” I said quickly, grabbing the gun and holstering it.

Erwin looked at me sadly and offered his hand to shake.

“We’ll find him, Levi.”

I looked down at his hand, then back up at him.

“Of course I will.”

 

~~~~~  


“Shitty glasses, do you copy?” I said into the radio of Erwin’s car.

“10-4,” I heard her muffled voice into the com.

“10-1,” I replied, enunciating clearly.

 “Eh? Oh, no, my reception’s fine. I’m eating a bagel.”

“You’re.. _what?_ ”

“Eating a bagel.”

“Why? Why now?”

“Helps me think.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake. What’s your 20?”

“Tailing the Escalade, why?”

“What?! Where!”

“Well, we’re just over the London line..”

“I’ll be there in a second. Do NOT lose them, Zoe.”

“Sheesh, 10-4, shortie. See you there.”

Cursing, I threw down the com and revved the engine of my car, slamming the gas and taking off towards town line.

Now that I was alone, my hands shook even harder. I was trying so hard to keep it together, to keep stalwart, because what else could I do? Crying like a bitch wouldn’t find Eren. All I wanted to do was to be in one piece. I tried my fucking hardest to not break when I was in front of Erwin or on the radio, but now that I really was alone, and my heart thumped so fast I could feel it in my bones-

I broke.

_How could this happen? How? Why? Eren knows nothing. He knows nothing of value that leads to me. He’s just a kid. He’s just a naïve kid. Why couldn’t it have been me? I’d give anything to let it be me.._

_Dear God, don’t let him be hurt._

_Please, let me find him. Don’t take my baby._

_Please, God, don’t take my songbird_

I wiped at my eyes quickly, gasping to regain my composure.

“I’m coming for you Eren,” I muttered under my breath, sighing as my tears dried.

“And I promise, when I get to you, I’m going to break every bone in their bodies.”

A few moments passed in silence, as I sped over the freeway, until the scanner began to pick up interference.

“Ackerman, 10-5!” I heard.

I scrambled to pick up the com.

“10-4,” I said uneasily.

“Apprehended the Escalade.. you’ve gotta come quick and see this,” she replied shortly.

I didn’t even reply- I just gunned the engine for all it’s worth, not taking my foot off the gas until I saw Hanji’s car.

~~

“Where is he? Where’s Eren?” I yelled, slamming my door and drawing my pistol, pointing it between Leonhardt’s eyes.

Hanji had Reiner and Annie cuffed and on the ground, looking up at us with blank, murderous eyes. After searching the truck, she’d come to the conclusion that Eren was there at one time, but not now..

Along with splatters of blood that matched the direction of blunt-force trauma, Eren’s necklace was lying there, the chain broken.

His songbird necklace.

“Levi.. relax,” Hanji said slowly, placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Fuck off, Zoe,” I snarled, the picture of his bruised and battered face searing my brain.

“Tell me where he is,” I replied, stepping closer to Annie’s emotionless face.

No answer.

“Are you deaf?”

No reply.

“I’ll give you one more shot. What did you do with Eren Jager?”

“You fuck!” I screamed, grabbing her by the back of the head and yanking her up, bringing her face inches from mine.

“Levi, please,” Hanji said softly.

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Annie grimaced. “I only answer to-“

_“ **Wrong. Fucking.** **Answer,**_ ” I hissed, throwing her back to the ground, not even blinking as she smacked the pavement.

“You will tell me where he is,” I said smoothly.

“No, I won’t,” she snapped.

“Then he pays for it,” I replied, nodding towards Reiner, who’s eyes widened only a little.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You wouldn’t. You’re a cop.”

“Annie, you should reconsider-“ Hanji said quickly.

“Fuck that, she made her choice,” I said emotionlessly, lifting my gun again and shooting Reiner in the foot.

His twisted screams echoed through the night as Annie looked at him fearfully, then back to me with odium.

“Have you rethought?” I said smoothly, kneeling down to see her eye to eye.

“Yeah. Here’s your information,” she snarled, spitting in my face before looking away.

I closed my eyes, balling my fists as I wiped my face with the side of my jacket sleeve.

“You know..” I said softly, letting my blunt rage bubble in my chest.

“I once thought you to be intelligent,” I finished, the anger seething as my hands began to shake.

“Ackerman,” Hanji said seriously.

“I once thought you could take my place as Lieutenant..” I mused, looking down at Leonhardt’s face.

Her eyes widened as she saw mine, as she tried to twist away; I grabbed her hair again, making her face me.

“Now, I know who you are,” I said, almost inaudibly.

She began to whimper as I boiled over, my grip tightening on her hair.

“You are _nothing._ You are cold and insignificant.” I whispered.

With one jerk of my arm, I slammed her face against the pavement, not even flinching as the sound of her nose shattering rang throughout the night, her screaming not fazing me.

I lifted her bloody, mangled, tear stricken face back up to mine, looking into her eyes with a cold, icy anger as she tried to tear herself from my grip. I let a few moments of that pass before speaking.

“You are nothing but a cockroach to me, Annie. You are weak and pitiful, but I am not.”

“I will crush you. I will crush everything you’ve ever loved, so help me God, if you don’t tell me where he is. I will give you exactly 5 seconds, before I put a bullet in your eye,” I said softly.

She looked at me, horrified, as I began to count.

“5..”

“Tell him, Annie,” Reiner groaned.

“4..”

“I can’t, he’ll kill us anyways!” she struggled to speak.

“3..”

“If you don’t I will!” he spat.

“2..”

“Reiner, don’t do it!”

“1-“

“He’s at the corner of 5th and 9th street. That’s the best I know! That’s where we dropped him!” Reiner gasped.

I nodded, holstering my gun. “What building?”

“The 3rd building from the corner,” he stammered, beginning to shake.

“Good choice. Hanji, take the degenerates back to the station.. make sure Annie gets cavity searched,” I said drolly, walking away as Hanji stifled a laugh.

“Meet me at the destination, Zoe. Bring the commander,” I said.

“Yessir,” she snickered, hoisting Reiner and Annie up, ushering them into the back of a waiting vehicle.

“Oh.. one more thing,” I said, remembering something with a hint of nausea.

“Eren’s got a sister.. I don’t know her name, I’m sure if you tell Reiss she’ll be able to find her. Let her know what’s happening,” I sighed, opening the door to my car.

“Oh, shit. Okay, I will.. I’ll see you at the building. Keep cool, alright? Don’t break anymore noses,” she said with a encouraging grin.

I managed to give her a half-assed smile. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you.”

Getting into the car, I slammed my door shut and sighed, taking a labored breath as I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

 

_I’m coming for you, love. I’m so close to you._

_I’m so, so close._

_Fight for me, darling. Fight for me._

_I love you, my little songbird._

_~~~_

"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Carl W. Buechner


	12. We'll Die Inside This Salted Earth.. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is eren pov)  
> Before I begin, I would like you to take note of the tags for this story.  
> I want you to note that a certain tag, "Major Character Death", was not included.  
> I did this for a reason.  
> What that reason is, you'll have to find out.
> 
> Anywho, Hello.  
> I hope you all won't hate me for this chapter. I so sawwy. I really am. ;.;  
> Uh.. yeah, it's kinda sad. It's kind of.. really sad.   
> I'm sorry. ;_;.  
> I hope you will all enjoy this chapter, even with the angst and everything..  
> AND IT DOES NOT END HERE O-O 
> 
> It's a little sappy towards the end, but I kind of.. wanted it that way. Because in this situation that they're in, you've gotta be sappy. The circumstance required ultimate sap, so I supplied it for ya. 
> 
> Plus, they're really not a sappy couple as a whole. Levi was throwin' insults (out of desperation) right up to the end of this chapter.
> 
> I love you all. Remember this. I proooommise I'm gonna make this a really good fic and it's gonna have an awesome ending so y'all gotta hang on for me. ;_;
> 
> Love from me,  
> -MW
> 
> ps. IM SO SORRY AGAIN Dx IM SORRYRRYFUFV FOR WHAT IVE DONE TO THIS CHAPTER HLFHKJEVGTE

 

One of the first words that came to mind when I woke up, was cold.

I shook violently, trying to warm myself even a little. I couldn’t exactly figure out what was going on through my head- I knew I was bleeding. The warm blood that trickled from my forehead had dripped onto my chest-

_‘I don’t have a shirt on_ ,’ I thought numbly to myself. Completely exposed from my waist up, I suddenly felt vulnerable; to what, I didn’t know. I was encased in pitch darkness, and I heard nothing but the beating of my own heart. My hands, still bound and behind my back, tried to feel the ground around me, to familiarize myself;

Cold, hard, damp steel. I rolled onto my back, tilting my head up a little, dizzying myself in the process.

_‘What happened to me? Where am I?’_ I thought. For a while, I grasped blindly into my thoughts, putting pieces together, until the image became clear, in one earth shattering wave;

_Reiner put something in my drink._

_I was in a car._

_Annie knocked me out._

_I woke up here._

_.._

_And Levi is not here to save me._

_He didn’t even know that I was gone._

Now, I was panicking.

My heart sped up, my hands shaking, as I struggled to sit up, pushing myself backwards until I slammed against something cold-

_Bars?_

“Oh, dear God,” I whispered to myself, reaching behind me as far as my arms would allow, feeling the tall metal against my fingertips;

_I’m.. caged._

“No.. No.. L-Levi? Levi!!” I screeched- though I knew he couldn’t hear me.

“Let me out of here.. P-Please, I’ll.. I’ll give you anything.. please let me out of here,” I moaned desperately, to no one in particular, tears clogging in my throat and streaking my face. My thoughts raced as I spiraled out of reason.

_I’m going to die. I’m 19 years old, and I am going to die. No one will save me. No one knows where I am. Levi, forgive me._

_Mikasa.. she’ll have lost everyone. I’m so sorry, Mika._

_Armin, my best friend. I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough to break myself out of this._

_Oh, dear God, I don’t want to-_

I heard another sound, interrupting my thoughts- this one more distinct.

_Stepping.._

“Don’t.. Don’t come near me! Don’t come..” I gasped, my mind bursting into overdrive.

And.. _light._

The lights flicked on, and I saw I was in what seemed like a basement. Crates littered the walls around me; it looked like I was against the far wall from a bolted, steel door.

The cage I was in was about three meters long, two meters wide, and had a chain attached to a lock on the barred gate.

Standing in front of me was a tall, nervous-looking boy who couldn’t have been any older than me. His dark hair glistened with what looked like sweat- his boots were dirty and caked with mud-

And his shirt and jacket had dark, maroon colored stains-

_Dried Blood._

He walked towards me, kneeling in front of the cage bars.

“H-Hello,” he said softly.

“Let me out,” I whispered in horror, my eyes still surging with tears.

“I’m afraid I c-can’t,” he said sadly. “W-We need Levi A-Ackerman. He’s g-going to be your t-ticket out.”

Suddenly, a new feeling bubbled in my chest- not fear, not despair-

“Don’t touch him.. don’t you.. don’t you _dare_ touch Levi!” I hissed, looking at him straight in the eyes.

He flinched from my comment, reaching his hands through the bars- I was much too far away for him to touch me.

“Please cooperate. I c-can make this e-easy for you,” he said.

“Fuck off and let me out,” I hissed.

“I-I.. I have no choice,” he sighed, standing up and opening the door to the cage, entering as I scrambled farther into the corner.

“What are y-you..” I whispered, horrified as he grabbed me by the hair and yanked me up, as I struggled to stand.

“We m-must encourage obedience,” he said monotonously.

“Let me go! Let me go! Let me GO!” I screeched as he yanked me out of the cage and dropped me to the ground.

“We must.. encourage.. obedience,” he repeated, as what looked like tears sprung the corner of his eyes.

Now, I was panicking.

Screaming, sobbing, spitting, yelling and cursing- all of these things wrapped into one, as he grabbed what looked like a rusty looking pipe.

“Don’t! K-Keep that away from m-me!” I sobbed, trying to inch away from him.

“We.. must..” he began, his face twisting into what looked like guilt as he lifted the pipe.

“No! Don’t! S-Stop!” I shrieked, trying to kick myself even farther away.

“En..Encour..Encourage..” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

“Please..” I whimpered.

“OBEDIENCE!” He cried, cracking the pipe against my side.

What felt like fire lit in my chest, as I sharply inhaled, my scream catching in my throat, coming out as a strangled gasp. I knew he’d shattered my ribs; every breath I took burned. Every move I made seethed with agony. The tears that came from my eyes didn’t compensate my pain;

And in this moment, I wished for death.

“P-Please c-co..cooperate.. I don’t want.. I don’t want to hurt.. you..” he whimpered.

My eyes opened wide, as I felt something come up into my throat; I retched blood onto the floor, my chest screaming in protest.

“I-I’m.. sorry..” the man whimpered, kneeling down to me.

“Stay away,” I croaked feebly.

“Please be good, now.. Mr. Reiss wouldn’t.. w-wouldn’t want me to hu..hurt you too badly, okay?” he said softly.

Reiss.. where do I know that name?  


Officer.. Reiss?..

Blue eyed, blonde hair, sweet officer Reiss.. but she was a girl, this wasn’t the same person..

 

“Who.. who are.. who are you?” I whispered, looking up at him with a sad expression that begged for answers.

“I.. I shouldn’t tell you.. but.. you can call me Bertholdt,” he murmured. “I’m going to sit you up and tie you against something.. I-I won’t.. I won’t put you back in the c-cage.”

He lifted me into his arms; I too weak to care anymore, and he gently sat me in a wooden chair, breaking the zip-tie and tying my wrists individually to the chair arms.

“Now.. b-be good, okay?.. I-I’m gonna get you some w-water,” he murmured.

I nodded, my eyes starting to close.

For some reason, and I’m not sure why, all I could think of was music; gentle, soft piano, almost like a lullaby.

‘Levi.. Levi said he could play music..’ I thought dreamily.

“Levi, one day, I want you to sing to me,” I murmured, almost in a daze as I alternated between consciousness, and nothingness.

Soon, a loud series of bangs snapped me awake; I lifted my head to see nothing around me but the same old crates as before.

“What..?” I murmured.

Soon, the steel door slammed open, Bertholdt running inside with a larger, but shorter, man.

“Untie him. Untie him quickly. Ackerman is here and we have to move him,” the shorter one hissed.

“Y-Yes sir, Mr. Reiss,” Bertholdt whimpered.

_‘Ackerman is here.’_

_‘ **Ackerman is here.’**_

**_‘ACKERMAN. IS. HERE.’_ **

The words ignited the fire in my veins, the muscles in my right arm tensing as the men hurriedly worked to untie me.

_I will not let you win._

_You will not break me._

_I will burn through all of you._

_I’ll fight to win this._

_I’ll burn through you all._

_Every.._

My arm began to tense more as they worked through the knot.

_Last.._

He ripped the rope away.

My arm jerked in one quick motion, my fist connecting with the side of Bertholdt’s jaw. He didn’t have time to recover before I grabbed the chair and slammed him over the back with it, screaming as he crumpled to the ground.

“LEVI! LEVI! LEVI!” I shrieked, cracking Reiss over the back with the chair as well.

“Eren?! Eren! I’m coming!” a raspy, cigarette-smoking voice called.

“Levi! L-Levi!” I sobbed, still slamming the chair into the both of them, ensuring that they could not rebel against me;

I fought to bury them, to make them go away, to make the pain stop- my chest was burning and I could feel my legs beginning to give out- I fought to take the breath out of the both of them and ensure that it could never return.

“Eren! Eren!” his beautiful voice called out to me, he soon ran into the cellar, looking around until he saw me.

“Levi,” I gasped, the strength leaving my legs, as I crumpled to my knees.

He sprinted over to me, slamming himself against my chest and squeezing- I screeched in protest, making him release me.

“What? What hurts? What hurts, baby?” he asked hurriedly, cupping my face and forcing me to look at him.

“My.. c-che..chest,” I managed. “He.. broke my..”

“Oh, Christ..” he sighed, noting the growing bruise on my side. “Don’t worry.. baby, don’t worry, you’re safe now, okay? I won’t.. nothing will ever touch you, I promise..”

“Levi, I.. I love you..” I croaked, leaning against him.

“I love you too.. oh, fuck, baby, I love you so much.. no one ever but you.. nothing else, ever,” he said into my ear, running his fingers down my back.

“Please don’t let go..” I murmured.

“The ambulance will be here any minute. I called one before I entered. You’re gonna be okay, baby. You’re gonna be just fine..” he said softly.

“Yeah.. I-I wi-“  


**_“ACKERMAN!”_** a raspy voice screamed as I turned around to see Reiss standing dazedly, holding his gun out at us.

“Eren.. run,” Levi said slowly, his voice as hard as steel.

My heart was frozen again, my limbs paralyzed- all I knew was I was never going away.

I promised him I’d never leave.

Never again will we ever be apart.

I stared down at Reiss, reacting as soon as I saw his index finger tense on the trigger-

“ ** _NO!”_**

**_I threw Levi down, watching him stumble onto the floor._ **

**_I knew how this would end._ **

**_I’ve seen this before._ **

**_I’ve seen this entire scene played out before._ **

**_This world.._ **

**_Is cruel._ **

**_JUMP TO 3 RD POV _ **

Reiss fired two rounds into Eren’s stomach, both entering the young man’s body and embedding inside of him.

Levi stared for a single second, before screaming aloud in odium; “GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!”

Within 10 seconds, he had shot Reiss 4 times; Once, between his eyes. Twice, in between his collarbones. Thrice, directly into his heart, and a fourth time into his shoulder.

Reiss fell, dead as the night is black, onto the ground, as Levi dropped his gun and knelt next to Eren, who was slowly fading away in front of him.

“Nonono.. Eren, look at me, okay? Look at me. Look at me!” Levi said flatly, tearing off his jacket and pressing onto his wounds.

Eren didn’t respond, his eyes shut loosely.

“Dammit! Eren, look at me.. c’mere, look,” Levi hissed, tilting Eren’s chin to face him and hitting his cheek lightly.

Eren’s eyes fluttered open to look at him.

“L-Le..vi?” he said softly, the tone of his voice sending tears to Levi’s eyes.

“Yeah, baby, that’s great. Just look at me, alright?” he murmured, fighting to keep his voice steady.

“I s..saved you,” Eren murmured.

“Yes you did, and now I’m repaying the favor. Keep looking at me.”

“..Levi,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?” Levi whispered, the tears threatening to spill down his face.

“P..Promise me so- something..” Eren croaked, lifting his hand and placing it over Levi’s.

“Anything.. oh, for Christ’s sake, don’t you bleed out on me.. don’t you give up, you.. you shit-smelling brat.”

“If.. if I live..” Eren said, his voice beginning to lower.

“You’re going to live, got it? You’re gonna fucking live.”

“Then.. when I wake up.. you..”

“I what? Spit it out.”

“You gotta marry me,” Eren said with a sad, painful grin.

Levi’s heart splintered into pieces as he looked down into Eren’s fading eyes.

“You wanna get married?”

“Yeah, I.. I do..”

“Fine. Fan-fucking-tastic. We’ll get married. But you’ve gotta live first, alright?” Levi said, the tears finally escaping his eyes.

“Awesome,” Eren said, his smile beginning to soften.

“I love you, Eren. I love you so much,” Levi said desperately.

“I l-love you.. too.”

“You know.. w-when we first met.. I was so happy t-that you made me calm, you made my mind silent,” Eren murmured.

“Eren.. look at me,” Levi said warningly.

“And now.. I-I realize..”

“Eren, look at me. Look. At. Me.”

“I never want to be silent again.. because if I’m silent, I can never hear y-you s-say.. you lo..ve.. me..” he whispered, his hand slackening and his eyes finally drifting shut.

“Eren?”

“Eren..?”

“EREN!”

“..Y-You bastard, wake up.. please don’t.. don’t go, Eren don’t.. don’t g-go..” Levi whispered to the ghost of the boy who lay in front of him, though he knew there would be no response..

**_Because Eren Jager was not breathing._ **


	13. *Author's Note* *Important*

Hello, any and all who've read so far and would like more.   
I am not discontinuing coded. I am not discontinuing this series whatsoever. I am, unfortunately, unable to write consistently at the moment. Currently, I sit in Yale. There's really nothing horribly wrong, I got into a car wreck and my arm's broken. Bad enough to need reconstructive surgery, but not horrible. I'm okay and all, I think I'm doing better now. I do want to apologize for my absence. The next three chapters have been written but aren't on the device I'm using now.. But at least two of them will be up during the following week. I'm very, very sorry. I feel like I'm a horribly bothersome writer. I'm doing the best I can to make this work for everyone, as I'd love to get onto the next book in the series~   
Please, forgive me, as I am intending to get better as quick as possible for all of you. I'm so thankful that this fic has come so far. Thank you all so very much.   
With all the love I have to give,  
MW


	14. The Beating of My Heart is No Longer Hideous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IAMSOSORRYIHAVEBEENGONESOLONGBUTHEREIAM!
> 
> lvfdlkjvfds
> 
> WEEEESNAWWWWWW
> 
> hi! I am back, my lovelies! I am so sorry it took me so long to feel better, but the surgery I needed on my arm was more difficult to deal with afterwards than I'd previously thought, but I am here today, with a chapter.
> 
> The LASTTTT CHAAAPPTERRR! D: D: D:
> 
> but but but never fear! Because I felt so bad for leaving.. I have decided to write..  
> A SEQUELLLLL llHDHFKJFHJ
> 
> It'll take place after the (cough) event predicted in the end of this chapter, and will take place about two years from where this chapter ended off. it will have a v interesting story line I promise... and I will NOT be taking any more long absences like this.
> 
> All the love I've recieved from you all is so heartwarming. I intend to respond to all the comments I haven't responded to yet and thank you all.
> 
> Thanks for coming on this ride with me. I'm so thankful, guys. Please exit the vehicle. ;.; (1st Chapter Reference x.x)
> 
> Love & Luck, Alwasy & Forever;
> 
> MW

Death smells like vanilla.  
It looks like vanilla, it feels like vanilla, it even sounded like what I'd picture vanilla to sound like; soft, muted, dream-like.  
Death, however, does not taste like vanilla. It tastes like vanilla extract, with a horribly misleading scent with an antiseptic taste. Death didn't really look like vanilla; it looked like.. nothing. Black, completely black.

'I'm.. dead,' I thought softly, to no one but myself, assuredly. I couldn't pinpoint how I knew; but I knew I was dead. I hadn't ever felt so empty, so wistful before in my life.  
'Are my eyes closed?' I thought. I tried to pry open my eyes; nothing. I couldn't open them.. I felt myself wanting to, but it felt like my eyelids were glued shut to my face.  
'Can I speak?' I questioned. My lips would not open. My tongue darted helplessly inside my mouth to pry apart my jaw; nothing. Almost like.. they were immobile. I couldn't curl my lips, I couldn't see..  
'Surely, I can move,' I thought feebly. I tried to flex a finger; no movement. I couldn't move a single part of me.. from my own sense, I could feel that my hands were folded across my chest.

'I can't move.. Where am I? Why?..' I thought hopelessly.

'I don't want to die, though,' I thought. 'I can't die yet. I'm not ready.'

'This is what it's like after life?' I thought, feeling cheated. I mean, c'mon. I knew I wasn't living a saintly life, and I sure as hell wasn't about to become a pastor, but I didn't think I was bad enough for hell. Was I cheated out of heaven? Was I that bad?.. From the meager bible study I used to do in school, I remembered purgatory; the realm of penance, where souls went to redeem their sins, where there was no pearly gates, but no hellfire; it was nothingness. That thought scared me more than anything; I would rather consciously feel pain or joy than feel nothing forever. I wanted to feel.. I wanted to feel touch.. but whose?..

A name, bubbling on the edge of my consciousness.  
Something short, musky scented, a name that rolled off my tongue and filled the air around me with beauty..

Levi?

'Oh, no. I can't die. I want to live. I want Levi.. we were supposed to get married! We were supposed to have a life! I can't die, no, not now!' I screamed into my brain, feeling tears brimming behind my eyes, but having no strength to open my eyelids, I directed the blast of my emotions into my head.

'Not now, Lord, God, please.. Don't let me die here.. not now.'  
'Please.. anything. Please!'

Of course, nothing but silence answered me. I wanted nothing more than to hear a voice.. something, anything..

Silence greeted me yet again.

'I don't want to die,' I thought softly. 'I don't want to leave yet. Please, not yet.'

'Just let me say goodbye.. just let me say goodbye.. wait, no, no! I want to live! I don't want a goodbye, I want to live with him and Mikasa and Armin and my friends!.. I want to live.."  
..

'If you're so adamant about not dying.. then, don't,' a soft voice chuckled in the back of my brain.

'What? Who are you? Where are you?' I replied frantically, my eyes darting behind their curtains.

'Oh, Eren.. you're a very curious man, like your father used to be. You've grown up to be such a good man, I couldn't be any prouder of you, sweetheart,' the voice cooed back to me, the sweet honey of the sound lulling me to calm.

'Who are you?' I asked, fearing the answer.

'You know who I am, my love. You know me,' the voice replied softly. That voice.. it was feminine, so familiar, yet I felt like I hadn't heard it so clear in decades.. 

'Mother?' I croaked weakly.

'Yes, dear. Mommy's here,' she replied.

'Mom.. I..' I trailed off. 'I don't want to die mom.. I'm gonna get married..'

'I know sweetie,' she whispered. 'You're such a brave, brave man. You have so much courage.. you died for the person you loved.'

'No, mom.. I can't die, please. He needs me,' I begged. 'Please.. he's.. he's everything.'

She paused for a moment. 

'Eren, I want you to listen to me, for just a second, okay?'

'Yes, mother.'

'You are the best son a mother could ask for. You are a giving man, a kind soul, a helpful and loving friend.. and that's why you're going to go back, onto Earth, with your family and your friends,' mother said, almost sadly.

'Thank you, mommy.. Thank you, mommy.. I-'

'Remember that mommy loves you. You are so loved, so cared for, so precious, my son.. my sweeting, my daylight..'

'I love you too, mommy.. Don't go yet,' I said softly.

'You have to go, my dearest. Mommy loves you.'

'Wait!' I shouted. 'At least.. Let me see you. Please, let me see you.. just one last time.'

A short silence followed, before suddenly I felt a small weight lift off of my chest; I could move, open my mouth, see again- 

I don't remember what was around me, I wasn't paying attention to anything else but my mother- my strong, giving, selfless mother, who sacrificed her life and gave me two chances at reality.

Her yellow dress, her apron, her low pony tail hanging over her shoulder- her beautiful hazel eyes gazed into mine with a quiet kind of love. She reached her hand gently and smoothed the back of my hair, shivers running down my spine;  
"Mommy," I croaked, finally hearing legitimate sound.  
"I love you, sweeting. Live a beautiful life for me," she whispered, letting her hand fall down across my arm and squeeze my palm.

in that moment, I did the one thing that I had waited for every mother's day, every Christmas, every birthday and every other day of my 19 years;

I hugged my mother. I kissed the top of her forehead and tried to be strong as she gently wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me back.

"You must go now, Eren. You don't have much time," she said quietly, releasing me from her arms.

"I love you, mommy. I won't ever forget you," I croaked, tears rising to my eyes and spilling from them.

"I love you too. Goodbye, Eren."

"...Goodbye, mom."

Suddenly, I was ripped away from the scene with my mother, pin pricks of pain dancing across every centimeter of my body as I found myself laying in a far too firm bed, dressed in a white gown, with IV tracks in my arm.

I gasped, glancing around frantically; a hospital bed. A curtain drawn, and a person laying crooked in a chair adjacent to the bed. 

A neatly combed tuft of undercut hair, a soft face, cigarettes hanging from the back pocket of his pants, and a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled. The strong smell of cigarettes lay on his body, and the bags that ringed his eyes were evidence of many night's slept lost.

My head spinning, my chest pounding, my hands shaking from holding my mother, and my heart longing; longing for his touch. For his kiss. His eyes, his hair, his hands, his body, his voice, his sweat, his tears, his everything...  
Him.

With all the energy I could muster in the depraved, injured body that I had, I called for my lover. I called for him by name.

...

"Levi!" I croaked, my voice sounding feeble and small.

His eyes snapped open, as he scrambled to sit up in the chair, looking at me dumbfounded.

"You.." he said quietly, years of worry shedding off of his cheeks.

"Me," I replied, weakly attempting a smile.

"You son of a bitch," he said, shooting up from the chair and running to my bedside, extending his arms and hugging me with a ferocity I've never known.

"Ow, Levi," I winced, a dull burning resonating from my stomach, hugging him back anyways.

"Oh for fuck's sake, I'm sorry, I should've.. I should've known better," he said, flustered, running his hand through his hair.

For awhile, he just stood there, looking at me, and I lay in bed, staring back at him, our eyes reciprocating all the love I didn't have to say to be able to hear.

"You almost died, Eren," he said softly, bending down to his knees beside the bed to place his head next to my outstretched hand.

"Almost.." I said softly, remembering the conversation with my mother that I knew I could never say aloud.

"You would've died for me," he said. "And I never would've forgiven myself."

"And I would do it 50,000 more times, just to save you," I retorted.

"And every single one of those times when you survived, I would've punched you in the mouth."

"Is that what you intend to do now?"

"Absolutely not. Not until you're healed and out of the hospital."

"Afterwards, then?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna punch me in the mouth because I tried to save your life."

"Absolutely."

"Honestly, Ackerman?"

"You bet your ass, Jaeger."

I laughed, tilting my head back and sighing. "Armin, Mikasa, are they here?"

"Not currently, they left after visiting hours.. I'm sure they'll be back in the morning, my songbird," Levi murmured, kissing my forehead.

I nodded. "Levi?" I asked.

"Yes, dear?"

"Are we getting married still?" I asked quietly.

"..If you want to marry a smoking bastard like me, then yes. I would love to marry you."

"You mean a smoking hot bastard. We're getting married. I'm gonna husband you."

Levi giggled, stroking the back of my hand. "Then, let's do it, Eren. We'll get married. Huzzah."

I laughed, closing my eyes and squeezing his fingers, tilting my head to look at him.

This surely wasn't the first time I felt it, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but it only seemed more potent now;

That even though I grew up motherless, and my mother would never see me married;

That even though he was much older than me and could do much better,

That no matter what hardships came my way, no matter what hate I felt, and no matter who told me I couldn't do it;

 

Every time I looked at Levi Ackerman, I felt home.

Even death didn't smell this sweet.

~

"A heart so pure needs a love the opposite."


	15. This is an important announcement

book two has its first chapter out

titled "limerence"

check my acc for it

sORRY FOR THE WAIT BY THE WAY LONG STORY NOT WORTH EXPLAINING  
but srsly, go look at my newest story. 

 

thanks guys!

-mw

leave any kind of criticism/ideas/suggestions in my email; xptxmxst@gmail.com   
Its checked every day c: just say you're from ao3.


End file.
